Finally back from my two days in the high dessert(and that's what it's called Mr. Barnett), and about to be off again to hang out with Julian. But felt the need to write a bit.
So I ditched work today to go with my sisters to Rhonda's first dress fitting, which took over two hours! But it was nice not to have to go to work, and sleep in a little, though Bo woke me up at 6am with the sound of mega blocks crashing to the floor. I feel a bit better about my situation there, but really don't want to go back tomorrow. It's two weeks and four days until I return to my home in Flagstaff, but it's still a while. I just need to not let it bother me too much, it's small potatoes, and not gonna change my life in anyway. Plus, it's about the kids, and my involvement in their lives, not these little flare-ups that aren't gonna do any damage.
As I watched my sister try on dress after dress, I couldn't help but think about myself when it came that time. I'll probably be married in the next five years, but I've been wrong before. When I was eighteen, I really didn't think school was for me, and that I just wanted to marry Julian and start my family. But that was also because I wanted(and sometimes still do) eight kids, so why not get started early? But I was just a kid then, and I'm not saying I'm a grown up yet, but I'm getting pretty dang close. But when I do get that ring from the love of my life, whom ever he may be, is my family going to be involved like they are with now? This came to mind, mostly because of how Retah and Rachael we're acting, but they both have already gone down that aisle. Also, I don't feel the want to be in California and making it my place to raise my family, so that makes it closer to a "no" answer. Plus, I'm not that close to my sisters, mostly because of the age difference. The four of them are the eldest of the seven, thus more moments growing up, and a lot of things I don't remember either because I wasn't around or was too little to remember it's importance. Rhonda is Five years older than me, Retah eight, Rachael ten, and Rebecca thirteen; so you can see the intimacy that I lack when it comes to them. But she found her dress, which I'm glad. It fits her, and she still can bounce in the bounce house. Yes, she is getting a bounce house, which is cool, and that's where you'll find me!
But I am glad I'm not part of the bridal party, I didn't want to be the one having to wear the pink dress. Yea, when I first heard that I might be one of the people in charge of collecting gifts, it hurt a little, but I also understand why. Ten months out of the year I'm out in Flagstaff, and not available to come home on short notice if needed. Plus, you shouldn't show up the bride, HA! But at least I get to fine a nice little dress to wear that will actually fit and look great on me. So more motivation to go work out...Fit into a sexy little dress in March, since the one I tried on didn't really fit...Too much in the bust area. Maybe I'll try it on again, since I'll be loosing some inches and weight!
I spent most of my weekend with the Lusters, though very tiring at times, it was still great. My nephew James walked (took three steps) today. Samuel is talking more and more, and he's not even three yet; And Bo is still testing his boundaries, but he's almost five. It was also nice to be able to talk to Retah last night. I did end up crying and getting some things off of my chest. She helped me realize a lot of things, though I couldn't get it to come out in English at times. My family loves me, and always will, whether they express it(which we really don't). Yeah, I've done things a bit drastic (moving to Flagstaff for a boy), but I need to. I told Retah how I'm constantly promoting myself in hopes of getting some type of recognition, knowing I won't get it. It's not that I don't, it's just not on the level that I expect. My family knows my worth in a sense, so there is no need to brag or boost. And the same goes with everyone else: they will see it, no need to advertise it.
So I'm off to the store and then a hot tub...
Time to Laugh!
It was Palm Sunday, and the family's 6-year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go to church, and Jesus shows up!"
Monday, July 9, 2007
Saturday, July 7, 2007
I found myself sleepless in the LBC last night. I even went skating at nine last night and this morning to burn of some aggression and give myself some alone time to think a bit, and talk to God. A lot of things have come up during discussion with many other people, including just in my writings. I'm pretty happy with where I'm at in life at the moment. Enjoying my forever growing family, my friends that I can really call friends and not just acquaintances, even the occasional rendezvous, but being of this body, I'm wanting more and always will.
Thursday, we discussed Romans Chapter six and seven, and the beginning of eight thanks so Emily. Those two chapters basically explains how through Christ we are dead to sin. It no longer controls our mind, but the flesh with always be tempted. Why is it that the flesh is always pulled in the direction I'm trying so hard to avoid? I'm not a big witness for my faith, mostly because I personally have an issue with breaking out of my comfort zone for the most part. Also, my life style away from church/California isn't one some people would consider that of a True Christian, or even Baptist. But that's not what's making me somewhat divided at the moment...but does bother me enough to want to change.
I'm not changing for anyone, but for myself and my relationship with Him. And I have stated this before to myself a number of times, but upon my return to the city of the Pondarosa Pine, I allow myself to never leave the start line. So I basically have a disciplinary and obedience problem. I set goals for myself, both spiritually and physically, and I have yet to reach either. I start off running it seems, strong and full adrenaline, but at mile one, I'm turning back. Not because I'm tired, but my motivation dissipates or the fear of the "new." I've failed many times, and yet it's something I really want, so I try again and again, knowing I will always fail. All I need is to take that little step, which is going to church in Flagstaff. Simple as that! I'm not saying I'm gonna go be a missionary to China like my Aunt Leota was, or a preacher's wife, or a leader for VBS (Vacation Bible School), but that step would help me in my walk with God and see more of His plan for me.
So what's causing me to be restless and uneasy. That list is probably a mile long in reality, but it's just a mile. But tonight was a few specific things. After reading someone's blogs on myspace, well they only have six, i realized that some of what was said may be in reference to me, due to the time frame in which it was written. I'm not trying to say that they should be, or are, just made me think.
I've poured myself out, or at least tried to to them, and still I feel I'm trying to hide, even though I can't. They can pick out things that I, myself haven't really taken into consideration. I like critiques, plain and simple, even about myself. You don't always see your behavior, actions, and personality without the help of an outside source. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but do we really acknowledge them?
I allow every stressor that presents itself at my feet to be something grand and huge, even if there is no reward or acknowledgment being received upon completion. Some of these things shouldn't be a big deal, ie the correct way of pronouncing of my name and other annoyances at work. The aren't gonna change my life or effect my future. The same could be said about my family. I love them, and always will until the end, but due to the lack of things growing up, I'm stuck searching and still expecting it from them. I've advertised that I'm number six of seven kids plenty of times, but what does that really mean. There is 14 years distributed through the seven of us, so when I was born, the eldest was half way through middle school. So what does that mean? When it was time for me to go through though things in life, most of my family was already grown and moving on through college. Which also meant my parents, which this year turned sixty, were getting tired. So family trips were decreased, thus so where my life experiences. I wouldn't change my childhood, or how I was raised. We didn't have much, but we had each other and just enough to get through. So now, with me and Sam being the ones finishing school, I still am looking for that slap on the back, that I know I won't get.
So to the rest of the world, I go out trying to prove myself to them, even though they will see me otherwise. I'm tough, but I'm a lot of other things too. But I consume myself in the competition of proving I'm this strong person, which only makes me unhappy in the long run...
I do question my intelligence at times. I realize that people are smart, and have different categories in which they specify in. I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I excel in areas that most don't. That's because I made the effort to do so, and why did I make the effort? Because it was something that I was passionate about, and just came easy to me. Back at Cerritos, while taking Dr. Dave Young's Counseling and Guidance 200 course, I learned that you perform better in those things you enjoy and love. Those things I have have never stress beyond what was needed. My Athletic Training class, I never studied, and always seemed to have one of the highest grades in the class. Anatomy was the same, but since I didn't study, I had a C, but still was doing better than most of the class. Even with my prints, they only seem to stress me out while I'm working on a plate or block, never hanging around for hours. But these other factors in my life, most being that of little importance, I allow to ruin my day. I don't have to prove to anyone who I am, but yet I still do it...
Thursday, we discussed Romans Chapter six and seven, and the beginning of eight thanks so Emily. Those two chapters basically explains how through Christ we are dead to sin. It no longer controls our mind, but the flesh with always be tempted. Why is it that the flesh is always pulled in the direction I'm trying so hard to avoid? I'm not a big witness for my faith, mostly because I personally have an issue with breaking out of my comfort zone for the most part. Also, my life style away from church/California isn't one some people would consider that of a True Christian, or even Baptist. But that's not what's making me somewhat divided at the moment...but does bother me enough to want to change.
I'm not changing for anyone, but for myself and my relationship with Him. And I have stated this before to myself a number of times, but upon my return to the city of the Pondarosa Pine, I allow myself to never leave the start line. So I basically have a disciplinary and obedience problem. I set goals for myself, both spiritually and physically, and I have yet to reach either. I start off running it seems, strong and full adrenaline, but at mile one, I'm turning back. Not because I'm tired, but my motivation dissipates or the fear of the "new." I've failed many times, and yet it's something I really want, so I try again and again, knowing I will always fail. All I need is to take that little step, which is going to church in Flagstaff. Simple as that! I'm not saying I'm gonna go be a missionary to China like my Aunt Leota was, or a preacher's wife, or a leader for VBS (Vacation Bible School), but that step would help me in my walk with God and see more of His plan for me.
So what's causing me to be restless and uneasy. That list is probably a mile long in reality, but it's just a mile. But tonight was a few specific things. After reading someone's blogs on myspace, well they only have six, i realized that some of what was said may be in reference to me, due to the time frame in which it was written. I'm not trying to say that they should be, or are, just made me think.
I've poured myself out, or at least tried to to them, and still I feel I'm trying to hide, even though I can't. They can pick out things that I, myself haven't really taken into consideration. I like critiques, plain and simple, even about myself. You don't always see your behavior, actions, and personality without the help of an outside source. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but do we really acknowledge them?
I allow every stressor that presents itself at my feet to be something grand and huge, even if there is no reward or acknowledgment being received upon completion. Some of these things shouldn't be a big deal, ie the correct way of pronouncing of my name and other annoyances at work. The aren't gonna change my life or effect my future. The same could be said about my family. I love them, and always will until the end, but due to the lack of things growing up, I'm stuck searching and still expecting it from them. I've advertised that I'm number six of seven kids plenty of times, but what does that really mean. There is 14 years distributed through the seven of us, so when I was born, the eldest was half way through middle school. So what does that mean? When it was time for me to go through though things in life, most of my family was already grown and moving on through college. Which also meant my parents, which this year turned sixty, were getting tired. So family trips were decreased, thus so where my life experiences. I wouldn't change my childhood, or how I was raised. We didn't have much, but we had each other and just enough to get through. So now, with me and Sam being the ones finishing school, I still am looking for that slap on the back, that I know I won't get.
So to the rest of the world, I go out trying to prove myself to them, even though they will see me otherwise. I'm tough, but I'm a lot of other things too. But I consume myself in the competition of proving I'm this strong person, which only makes me unhappy in the long run...
I do question my intelligence at times. I realize that people are smart, and have different categories in which they specify in. I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I excel in areas that most don't. That's because I made the effort to do so, and why did I make the effort? Because it was something that I was passionate about, and just came easy to me. Back at Cerritos, while taking Dr. Dave Young's Counseling and Guidance 200 course, I learned that you perform better in those things you enjoy and love. Those things I have have never stress beyond what was needed. My Athletic Training class, I never studied, and always seemed to have one of the highest grades in the class. Anatomy was the same, but since I didn't study, I had a C, but still was doing better than most of the class. Even with my prints, they only seem to stress me out while I'm working on a plate or block, never hanging around for hours. But these other factors in my life, most being that of little importance, I allow to ruin my day. I don't have to prove to anyone who I am, but yet I still do it...
Friday, July 6, 2007
Almost done...three solid weeks to go
The end of another week of Summer Recreation, and I really wished it was week five. There is many times that I tell the kids that I'm gonna quit. But I would never quit, it's not the type of person I am, but it sure is tempting. None of the kids want me to, and Collin as already told me how much he hates me for not being there next Monday. "why is he saying he hates you? Because he is being left with them." as I point back towards the leaders. I mean, they were freakin' assuming that this fifth graders were making out by the lunch benches. Why would they even think that. Yea there was one girl with a group of five boys, but they all grew up together. They can't hang out cause one of their friends gets boobs? I hate the fact that Collin and I have to go behind their backs (Amy and Brenda's) just to keep some kids out of trouble. They are trying to find anyway to put blame on them, and already assume the worst before anything is even mentioned.
Which leads me to another annoyance: I know almost all of the kids names, which we have 108 currently registered for our site, yet my leaders bearly know any and still can't remember mine. It's Raylene, not Raylynn. You can call me Ray, I answer, but really don't like the name Raylynn. I even wrote it on the board, in five inch letters: R-a-y-l-e-n-e. How hard is it to read someone's name and realize that the "e" on the end make the vowel before say it's name. The third day, I tried to make it not seem serious and play off as something to laugh at. "I think it's funny that you call my Raylynn." They didn't even realize, though I told them my name correctly when I first met them, that it was pronounced that way. I think come Tuesday, I'm going to wear a name tag that has my name spelled phonically. Don't you think that would help?
Which leads me to another annoyance: I know almost all of the kids names, which we have 108 currently registered for our site, yet my leaders bearly know any and still can't remember mine. It's Raylene, not Raylynn. You can call me Ray, I answer, but really don't like the name Raylynn. I even wrote it on the board, in five inch letters: R-a-y-l-e-n-e. How hard is it to read someone's name and realize that the "e" on the end make the vowel before say it's name. The third day, I tried to make it not seem serious and play off as something to laugh at. "I think it's funny that you call my Raylynn." They didn't even realize, though I told them my name correctly when I first met them, that it was pronounced that way. I think come Tuesday, I'm going to wear a name tag that has my name spelled phonically. Don't you think that would help?
Thursday, July 5, 2007
At least it ended on a happy, joyful note
My day started off a bit bitter, probably cause I really wished I had the day after the forth off as well. It kinda screwed me up, along with everyone else it seemed. But I go to work, I'm trying to be productive and cheery for the parents and my co-workers, but then it happens. "Hey, You know your favorite field trip," Brenda practically yells at me from two feet away, with a sarcastic smile. I knew what exactly she was talking about, and I had already stated I didn't want to go about two weeks prior. My response..."the fishing derby?" That's right, we take 20+ kids a half mile over a hill to a park that only gets stocked in the fall, and for what? So they can sit in the hot sun, while almost or successfully hooking themselves or other, or some how be tangled in anything and everything. I hate it! Not because it's fishing, I love fishing. But the walk is horrible for the kids, and the day is not something enjoyed by most. I began to argue the same points I did before, and actually admitted to telling my kids not to go, and how horrible it is. "don't say that, it doesn't suck!" states Brenda.
I'm really sick of her and Amy(my other leader). They just are yellers, about anything. We could be in the classroom, and they think they have the yell! I know I'm tired of it, and pretty sure Collin is on the verge of feeling the same way. It really makes me wish I didn't come back to do this job. I really want to see if I can do evaluations, I haven't had one in the last five years, but I really think they need one, and it won't hurt for me to see where I'm currently standing. I like critiques, and if there is something I can change, I need to know about it some how.
But I finally was able to come home! Which to me, it's not really home anymore. Like I told Katie tonight at Bible Study, I don't see anyone at home, just my parents. Being home kinda helps with my day of chaos, but still I have another three weeks of it (thank God). Bible Study also helped quite a bit. I love how stirred my Spirit gets and the joy I feel with every discussion, but hated how tired I was by nine. I finally found a good church, but can't really be active in it. I hope to find one back in Flagstaff, and where ever else God takes me.
After church, I run home, and literally run into the house(had to pee). But once returning to my truck, since my Dad was concerned with my park job, I bump into someone I haven't talked to in 6 years. Briana, who I have known since we were four, and we're best friends until eighth grade. She and her mom were walking the dog, and called me out. We did a little catching up, along with me being in such shock of how big she is. She's two days late with her pregnancy, and she's a tiny girl. It felt good to talk to her and her mom, and made me think of when we were little. But I'll go visit again soon, especially if the baby will be here soon.
And then a phone call...a good one; actually a great one. I'm definitely really happy right now.
But a last, it's midnight, and I have work tomorrow...Please pray for me, and my patience.
I'm really sick of her and Amy(my other leader). They just are yellers, about anything. We could be in the classroom, and they think they have the yell! I know I'm tired of it, and pretty sure Collin is on the verge of feeling the same way. It really makes me wish I didn't come back to do this job. I really want to see if I can do evaluations, I haven't had one in the last five years, but I really think they need one, and it won't hurt for me to see where I'm currently standing. I like critiques, and if there is something I can change, I need to know about it some how.
But I finally was able to come home! Which to me, it's not really home anymore. Like I told Katie tonight at Bible Study, I don't see anyone at home, just my parents. Being home kinda helps with my day of chaos, but still I have another three weeks of it (thank God). Bible Study also helped quite a bit. I love how stirred my Spirit gets and the joy I feel with every discussion, but hated how tired I was by nine. I finally found a good church, but can't really be active in it. I hope to find one back in Flagstaff, and where ever else God takes me.
After church, I run home, and literally run into the house(had to pee). But once returning to my truck, since my Dad was concerned with my park job, I bump into someone I haven't talked to in 6 years. Briana, who I have known since we were four, and we're best friends until eighth grade. She and her mom were walking the dog, and called me out. We did a little catching up, along with me being in such shock of how big she is. She's two days late with her pregnancy, and she's a tiny girl. It felt good to talk to her and her mom, and made me think of when we were little. But I'll go visit again soon, especially if the baby will be here soon.
And then a phone call...a good one; actually a great one. I'm definitely really happy right now.
But a last, it's midnight, and I have work tomorrow...Please pray for me, and my patience.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Going to Play-offs...why do I feel guilty?
So Collin(colon as the kids call him) and I took four kids today to kickball. Yes, I said four. We teamed up with another school, which the could only round up three, and did our best to defend my honor. We actually did good with our luck seven against the multitude of twelve. The final score was 24-17 after five innings, and they didn't even get last ups. But I guess since our grouping only had two teams out of the four, we automatically go to play-offs. I really hope that's the reason, and not because of who I am.
I'm know throughout the program as Ashley(known me since I was six) and Tony's(known me since I was eight) Daughter. As the story was told my first year being on the payroll, "they took a little bit of Ashley, a little bit of Tony, put it in a bottle, shook it up and got this! Why else would she have a black girl's booty and be white?" Yes I have very good genes, at least from my bio-parents. But due to my Rec-Parents, and my networking throughout the last 17 years, I get favored. Not always, but I do notice things...I'm not Blind. I just hope I'm wrong.
Thank God I have tomorrow off! It's only been two days, but I was done at like 9am this morning. I can't wait for this program to be over. I have good kids, but with the good come the bad...
I'm know throughout the program as Ashley(known me since I was six) and Tony's(known me since I was eight) Daughter. As the story was told my first year being on the payroll, "they took a little bit of Ashley, a little bit of Tony, put it in a bottle, shook it up and got this! Why else would she have a black girl's booty and be white?" Yes I have very good genes, at least from my bio-parents. But due to my Rec-Parents, and my networking throughout the last 17 years, I get favored. Not always, but I do notice things...I'm not Blind. I just hope I'm wrong.
Thank God I have tomorrow off! It's only been two days, but I was done at like 9am this morning. I can't wait for this program to be over. I have good kids, but with the good come the bad...
Monday, July 2, 2007
Ratatouille...is Delicious
Wow the day went by FAST! Faster than the Flash...ok enough with my infatuation with DC comics...for now.
Work was super busy today, yes it's always busy, but not like this. Like I stated before, we had a field trip to the movies, and due to the time in which the movie started, we weren't going to leave until after lunch. The whole time prior it was...What time is? Is it time to go? What movie are we seeing? What bus are we taking? Where's the bus? Can I have my snack money now? Where are we going?...I'm being serious. We took 32 kids today, THIRTY-TWO! And when one question was asked, every kid asked it! I got really tired of it, and so did Brenda(my leader). I try telling the kids not to worry about what time, or bus, or even when we are going, they aren't going to get left behind.
The movie was actually nice. Minus having to take the same little girl to the bathroom about six total times during the movie. And all the kids seem to enjoy it, and no one fell asleep this time, or admitted to it yet. I would go see it again, given the chance...but transformers comes out in two days!
Tomorrow is Rookie Kickball...time to defend my two year title! Actually, I just want the kids to have fun, and I'm gonna give them a pizza party for participating in the event. I mean, a week isn't enough time to train a winning team consisting of Kindergarten, first, and second graders. Plus, I'm teaming up with another school for the second time in the past three years. Eh, it's with Yvette(I worked with her about 5 years ago), and she loves me!
Today was another reminder as to how much I really love my family...PAUL YOU ARE Hilarious! I hope I never forget what you said to me about 20 minutes ago!
Work was super busy today, yes it's always busy, but not like this. Like I stated before, we had a field trip to the movies, and due to the time in which the movie started, we weren't going to leave until after lunch. The whole time prior it was...What time is? Is it time to go? What movie are we seeing? What bus are we taking? Where's the bus? Can I have my snack money now? Where are we going?...I'm being serious. We took 32 kids today, THIRTY-TWO! And when one question was asked, every kid asked it! I got really tired of it, and so did Brenda(my leader). I try telling the kids not to worry about what time, or bus, or even when we are going, they aren't going to get left behind.
The movie was actually nice. Minus having to take the same little girl to the bathroom about six total times during the movie. And all the kids seem to enjoy it, and no one fell asleep this time, or admitted to it yet. I would go see it again, given the chance...but transformers comes out in two days!
Tomorrow is Rookie Kickball...time to defend my two year title! Actually, I just want the kids to have fun, and I'm gonna give them a pizza party for participating in the event. I mean, a week isn't enough time to train a winning team consisting of Kindergarten, first, and second graders. Plus, I'm teaming up with another school for the second time in the past three years. Eh, it's with Yvette(I worked with her about 5 years ago), and she loves me!
Today was another reminder as to how much I really love my family...PAUL YOU ARE Hilarious! I hope I never forget what you said to me about 20 minutes ago!
Just as I was leaving...
I had a bit of time before leaving for work, so I thought I would sit here and ramble my thoughts a bit...
I'm going on week two of the five that involve this LBUSD: Underwater Adventure, and I'm starting to feel burned out I guess. I mean, I love the job and being with the kids, but this year, they are just crazy, and the people I'm working with are not that experienced. Collin and I are the two Aides, though Katherine is an ROP Aide. She just hangs out with one group of kids, which one of the older ones, she goes to school with. But we have like 50 kids everyday, which isn't much, but I'm considering her as one of them. Then there is my two leaders, Brenda and Amy. They too aren't that experienced, but Mann is Amy's school during the school year, so that's a big plus. But then again, this is Amy's second year with Summer Rec and she told us she's only going on two field trips...TWO! So far, Collin and I have been on all of them. Yes we've only had two, but we are going to one today we weren't even desiring to go on, and we're told to bring ten bucks for the trip. Why am I gonna pay for a field trip that I didn't want to go on? I should have turned my stuff in early, and then I would be with Urias and Linda at Monroe.
I had yet another busy weekend. Saturday I went to the LA Zoo with the Luster's (Charlie, Retah, Bo, Samuel and James) and Brian (Rhonda's Future Husband). I couldn't believe how hot it was there. I basically poured my water bottle all over myself just to keep cool. Yea a lot of people stared at me while I did it, but not like I was wearing a light colored shirt. Come on, I went to the Zoo wearing my black "i love bo duke'' shirt, which wasn't that smart, but I wanted to show Charlie. It was fun hanging out with my nephews and talking with my sister. I think next weekend I'll go stay with them, if things go accordingly. Samuel kept asking, "you come to my house?" He's almost three, and hard to tell him 'no' when it comes to things like that, but at least he understands when you say it.
Rhonda and Brian I guess picked a date, but I'm not so sure I have the right to blast it over the internet. My mom is kinda worried about it conflicting with my current plans for Spring Break. I think break is actually the week before, but I could be wrong. And my current plans are still in the making, since Gabe and I just talked about it two weeks ago. And March is like more than six months away...wow I'll be almost done by then.
I was talking to someone the other night, and they made me think about something. They were discussing how they had this plan, seven year plan, from when they were in high school. What they needed to complete both educationally and socially within these seven years to be able to have the things he wanted when it came to the end of those seven years. But he's realizing that he has to back track and start over, completely over, and some of those things aren't gonna be there now. "the mrs. won't get to see the house i spent 16 years of my life in.'' Made me think of my own life...how people are gone and some are on the verge of leaving me. How silly things from my childhood won't be shared with the person I settle down with. But those are just things, and yes they will be missed, but they will still be shared, just not to the same degree. I often think about how my Grandma might not be there to put her pearls around my neck on my wedding day or have her cake topper on the second tier of my cake...
I've been writing in my journal a lot lately, more than usual. Why do I keep a journal? I like to write, and can express more when I do write. Plus I've been keeping some type of journal since elementary school, which is kinda weird, but I did it. Also, I like to look back, and see who I was back then, if anything changed that is. Kinda like re-evaluating my life, or time traveling. But my past is my past, and I'm looking onward to the future, where ever God takes me...or a boy. HA!
I'm going on week two of the five that involve this LBUSD: Underwater Adventure, and I'm starting to feel burned out I guess. I mean, I love the job and being with the kids, but this year, they are just crazy, and the people I'm working with are not that experienced. Collin and I are the two Aides, though Katherine is an ROP Aide. She just hangs out with one group of kids, which one of the older ones, she goes to school with. But we have like 50 kids everyday, which isn't much, but I'm considering her as one of them. Then there is my two leaders, Brenda and Amy. They too aren't that experienced, but Mann is Amy's school during the school year, so that's a big plus. But then again, this is Amy's second year with Summer Rec and she told us she's only going on two field trips...TWO! So far, Collin and I have been on all of them. Yes we've only had two, but we are going to one today we weren't even desiring to go on, and we're told to bring ten bucks for the trip. Why am I gonna pay for a field trip that I didn't want to go on? I should have turned my stuff in early, and then I would be with Urias and Linda at Monroe.
I had yet another busy weekend. Saturday I went to the LA Zoo with the Luster's (Charlie, Retah, Bo, Samuel and James) and Brian (Rhonda's Future Husband). I couldn't believe how hot it was there. I basically poured my water bottle all over myself just to keep cool. Yea a lot of people stared at me while I did it, but not like I was wearing a light colored shirt. Come on, I went to the Zoo wearing my black "i love bo duke'' shirt, which wasn't that smart, but I wanted to show Charlie. It was fun hanging out with my nephews and talking with my sister. I think next weekend I'll go stay with them, if things go accordingly. Samuel kept asking, "you come to my house?" He's almost three, and hard to tell him 'no' when it comes to things like that, but at least he understands when you say it.
Rhonda and Brian I guess picked a date, but I'm not so sure I have the right to blast it over the internet. My mom is kinda worried about it conflicting with my current plans for Spring Break. I think break is actually the week before, but I could be wrong. And my current plans are still in the making, since Gabe and I just talked about it two weeks ago. And March is like more than six months away...wow I'll be almost done by then.
I was talking to someone the other night, and they made me think about something. They were discussing how they had this plan, seven year plan, from when they were in high school. What they needed to complete both educationally and socially within these seven years to be able to have the things he wanted when it came to the end of those seven years. But he's realizing that he has to back track and start over, completely over, and some of those things aren't gonna be there now. "the mrs. won't get to see the house i spent 16 years of my life in.'' Made me think of my own life...how people are gone and some are on the verge of leaving me. How silly things from my childhood won't be shared with the person I settle down with. But those are just things, and yes they will be missed, but they will still be shared, just not to the same degree. I often think about how my Grandma might not be there to put her pearls around my neck on my wedding day or have her cake topper on the second tier of my cake...
I've been writing in my journal a lot lately, more than usual. Why do I keep a journal? I like to write, and can express more when I do write. Plus I've been keeping some type of journal since elementary school, which is kinda weird, but I did it. Also, I like to look back, and see who I was back then, if anything changed that is. Kinda like re-evaluating my life, or time traveling. But my past is my past, and I'm looking onward to the future, where ever God takes me...or a boy. HA!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)