It's Been Pouring for Awhile

In these last three months have been... let's say crazy, difficult and trying. But we kept trusting God and His plan for us.

In January, I turned 30! Still not sure how I really feel about it, but it's just another birthday. I was grateful to get to spend dinner with Jason and a few friends. I really wanted to get out of town, but Jason's work schedule was (still is) insane that we couldn't even road trip up north. It was probably for the better since my job was trying to finish up year end stuff and my manager and I had a major blowout.

Also found out the house we are renting is going on the market. We had only just moved in six months prior, which is disappointing, but a small part of us was glad we were given the ability to move without penalties if we found something.

I ran my first 5k in over 10 years! Can you tell what kind of race it was? Had a little trouble, but great friends right beside me the whole way. It was fun to not have a time clock and be able to experience something completely different than the traditional road race. Could have used more vendors. Shopping was uneventful.

I hardly trained for it, which is probably why my knees were crap for the next three weeks. I still want to make running my life passion, but the injury and lack of motivation set me way back. I need to find something that works for me and my current season of life.

Finally February, and Jason was able to get way! We went to Vegas, Jason's choice, and got to meet up with my little brother, Sam, and his wife, Randi. We stayed at the Las Vegas Hotel, which is not close to the Strip, but one of the monorail stops. Would I stay there again? Probably not, but it was great to just hop on and get pretty much anywhere or at least within walking distance.

We all just kinda went with the flow, nothing really planned, which made it great. Jason even got free tickets to a show and Randi got us club access. But I think the best part was hanging out with them and laughing about certain games, Sam's way to win on video roulette, and the food. 24 hour Buffet passes are the way to go when it comes to dinning in Vegas.

On our drive back home, I got horribly ill. I could not get warm and was literally wearing three jackets at some point and feeling as if I was caught in a snow storm. It lasted a week! I have never been that sick, and others told me there was flu and some stomach thing going around at work. I hate missing work, but I could not function enough to even eat something some days.

But back to work I went, feeling exhausted and crazy at times. Ironically food seemed to help. Probably because I was pregnant. This was the first test I took, and Jason made me take another to be sure. Both excited, but Jason was still unsure. We had been trying for over a year and I had gotten point of feeling like it wasn't going happen. 

Made a doctor's appointment, which they don't like to see people until they are 8weeks along. So February 14, it was confirmed and started moving forward in figuring out what we needed for our growing family.

Being slightly overweight, I'm considered obesed, I had to do an early one hour glucose test. Not fun when you can't eat anything for 8-12 hours. Got my results back, and I was in the "grey" area, and now had to do a three hour and that my initial exam found something that could be considered major unless treated. I was so stressed out about and and panicked. Glad I had someone to talk to who seemed to calm me down.

Three hour glucose is no joke. I felt like my body was buzzing during the last hour before my final draw. I brought a book, but I couldn't even focus on it because I was starving and woozey. I think the trick to any of the glucose tests is to get it done as early as possible in the day. Eat dinner the night before, go to bed, wake up eight hours later go to appointment. Oh and don't believe what they tell you, even eating protein in the morning can cause issues with the test.

I was very thankful I never experienced morning sickness. Just complete exhaustion, which is frustrating. Some days I just was too tired to even function as a normal person. But was glad my three hour glucose came back with great results and my other testing as well.

I know March isn't over yet, but part of me wishes it was. Jason is still working like a mad man. I maybe see him a total of two and a half waking hours each day, unless he requests to leave work earlier. Though this job is almost completed, he was told they might keep him around until August. It's good cause the jobs are scarce again, but I know he needs a break.

I finally felt the exhaustion was dying down, which my doctor told happens around 10-12 weeks. I was excited to soon be hitting my second trimester and being out of  risk zone. But that didn't happen.  On March 9th, 10 weeks pregnant, I ended up in the ER. Around 7pm, I had a miscarriage. I was glad Jason was there with me, but sad for him. He finally was getting into the "we are having a baby" mode. None of this was our fault, just timing wasn't right and the baby stopped developing to move on to  next stage of dependency. I am the time that knows nothing happens by accident. May be I'm suppose to bring support to someone that ends up going through it too.

I didn't cry until maybe late the next day, and not much. I still get sad, and sometimes cry for bit, but am very much like my mother. I guess I'm lucky, in the fact that I understand and trust that God is in control.

The hardest part of all this is having to tell others that I had a miscarriage, especially those who were so excited when I told them we were pregnant. Seeing the sorrow on their  faces and the need to asking me multiple times if I'm ok or how I'm doing.

To be honest, I left the ER knowing I was ok. I'm healthy, didn't have other complications, and was able to go home and be with my husband. I know that probably will make me appear dark hearted and insensitive, but it's the truth. I lost my very first pregnancy at 10 weeks, but doesn't mean my life has to stop because of it. A great friend of mine told me it's ok not to be tough during all this... But I do just feel like I'm being myself

I'm still in the process of having my blood drawn weekly to confirm my hgc levels are dropping and going back to normal. I also have had my follow up appointments to confirm that things are not complicated and reassured that things like this happen, but doesn't mean I can't ever conceive. So we are waiting but hoping it's not another year to see that little plus sign.

We had another loss this month as well. Jason's poor Vivian finally needed put out of her misery. For years we have known she needed either six to seven thousand dollars of work, or be replaced. After looking, researching, saving, researching even more, poor Vivian finally had her last ride Wednesday. Jason was really sad that we didn't get as much as he thought on trade in, but that little car went everywhere and we ran her into the ground.

I was not excited at all that we more  likely would be taking on more debt. Just as we started really powering through it all and saving for future moving expenses and baby, but our hand was forced. I even suggested becoming a single vehicle family and me carpooling with my friend that lives up the street or even taking the bus. Jason vetoed that, especially since we wanted a family and my single cab pick-up would not do. So when Vivian needed oil every other day and the power steering was leaking was $400 to fix it. We got serious, narrowed it down to three cars, all formal rental cars with less than 30k in original miles.Thankfully they all were at the same dealership, which is only eight miles from the house. 

The first time we went, we just went to look, not be bothered by a sale's person, or even waste their time, cause we weren't buying at that time. Which was good, because the online price did not match what was listed at the dealership, which got sorted out, and we got to really look over the bodies without having to be pressured to look past it because they are previously owned.

Then a few days later we came back, and they were slammed. We were there for over an hour before anyone even asked if we needed help and it was a weekday! We left, cause we both had to get up early for work the next day, so we thought we would try again later in the week.

Finally, we get back to the dealership, Jason even left work early, and we immediately get hooked up with Bud, hilarious old man from Detroit, who never made me feel pressured about buying anything. We had already done a pre-application, mostly because we found a great car for an excellent price, and were pretty sure that if it drove the way we liked and had no real complaints we were going to take it home... It sold two days prior to our return on Monday. So our three turned into two... We first looked at a red Ford Fusion SEL, which I hated how boxy it looked exterior-wise, and the dash looked incredibly too big, and more buttons than I cared for. We didn't test drive it.

Next was a Chrysler 200, Limited four cylinder, which was similar to the dream car, even the same color, but we really wanted a V6. So I test drove it, which is weird, cause my little truck is not sensitive at all, so I was extra slow and cautious. I liked the feel, how quite the ride was, I fell in love the body style, and felt like it drove well. Jason noticed somethings, and had done prior research and still insisted we get a V6. 

Well they only had one other V6 on the lot, and it was brand spankin' new. Only 28 miles, 2-8, that's it. Was a Touring, rather than a Limited, which meant it didn't have leather seats and some other features I didn't even notice unless pointed out. Jason test drove it. I fell even more in love with the car.

After the test drive, Jason and I talked without dear ol' Bud. Yes, a new car would be ideal seeing as we planned to drive it until it was run into the ground too. But we didn't from the start want a new car due the amount depreciation that occurs after purchase. We still went ahead to get numbers going, so see what it would be a month, and what we could get for Vivian. We walked away, but promised to return later in the week due to classes and other obligations. Only request Bud made was that we get with his buddy Cody, when we come in.

 Well, Wednesday we went in there, met up with Cody, who wasn't as hilarious as Bud, but even more honest and straight. Jason found out earlier that they just received another Chrysler 200 Limited V6 that was a formal rental car with less than 30k in miles on it. I was so thankful for this car, cause Vivian was almost dead this week, and it looked like we were given a better option. We looked it over, talked numbers, got Vivian looked over, and started the process. At 10pm we drove home in our new (used) 2013 Chrysler 200 Limited. It wasn't until we started to get in the car that I noticed it was a FlexFuel, not sure hope helpful that will be, but ain't it a beaut!

We got home, and Jason told me he head buyer's remorse... It really was he missed Vivian and was sad we left her to basically be crushed into a cube. Also, unfortunately for him, he gets to drive my truck for work. Not because I'm the wife and should always get the new car, but because this is not a car you take to a construction site. My commute is only four miles one way, so I won't be putting the miles on that Jason would be going to work.

I'm really glad I have Jason though and he was able to take charge in this whole process, even with his insane work schedule. It was all foreign to me, and he did his best to explain it all to me, even when I got moody. I'm also really glad we both got a car we both enjoy!

So, even though we have had a crazy ride these last days, weeks and months, we are blessed and continue to see the blessing from the storm.

Moving Forward... One Plate at a Time

In September, I started to prepare for Christmas. Mostly planning our gift giving, so it wouldn't be last minute or stressful. We didn't decorate, or buy a tree, or make cookies this year, but I decided to make our Christmas cards. I haven't printed anything like this in a long time, so I procrastinated and ran into a lot of hiccups. Warped plate, bad brayers, new types of inks, and of course , registration. So I actual put it off.

The start of December, our shopping was mostly done, but no printing. I'm pretty sure for the next few weeks before we headed out of town, I was at the art store at least twice a week. 

I knew what image I wanted, since the beginning, and the easiest way for me to achieve it. 

Not bad right? 

"You have to take care of them"

In the last few months lots of things have changed with my home and work. Though we moved into our new rental over a month ago, we still are not as settled as I would like or was given the impression of by my husband. Luckily what's left is more like decor and organization stuff. 

At work, it's been constant change, and I guess I'm not taking it so well. Furloughs, people moving, leaving, being fired... It hard to adjust, especially when it's all happened in the last two months. I'm not so optimistic with changes, especially when they effect me directly in some way.

And my work is more than just work, a lot of these people have been more like family for me. I was planning, dreaming, whatever you would like to call it, that they would be part of my life here in the desert for a long time. I'm sad to see them go, but I'm really excited to see what God has for them in this new adventure.

A week ago, we said so long to my Director. Her husband got his dream job, but it meant moving to Oklahoma. I love this lady, but when she announced it a month prior, I was filled with excitement for her. The sorrow hasn't really happened yet, though she is gone, but what she last said to me is resonating more and more with the latest news. "You have to take care of them, Raylene."

Last night, my good friend (and manager) told me that her husband got a job in Colorado... I was speechless, but yet still words came out of my mouth. As to when they are moving, it is in the hands of her future employer, when she gets one. I'm really sad, that my only true friend out here, and she's leaving.

Then the work stuff comes up... "I knew I should have been looking for a new job." I don't want to be a manager, I'm not wired that way. I can't help but already feel the stress of it all. It doesn't help that I'm allowed to say anything about it yet. Well, with anyone I work with.

So I'm being a sad sack right now, trying my best to figure things out...

Swimmers Ear Expected

This new place has a pool, and I'm determined to use it, hopefully everyday. So the dreaded swimsuit shopping has begun. It has probably been eight years since buying my last swimsuit, I know it's been at least 15lbs since. It's hard to find something when your are over "blessed" and have too much junk in the trunk. Plus, for now I just want something that just covers my body and allows me full range of motion to exercise. Oh and not break the bank! Special since the goal of swimming is to tone and lose a few pounds, to later fit into a smaller, cutter swimsuit.

I've also been sued the internets for pool workouts. Things I can do that will allow me to have a constant elevated heart rate, but not worry about coming up for air in the deep zone.

Let's just say I float better as a dead body. It's funny because my mom is an excellent swimmer. She loves to swim, though she doesn't have a lot of time to do so. She was a synchronized swimmer in high school, but we never took swim lessons, so I struggle a bit along with some of my siblings. I am good enough that I haven't died yet, so that's a plus.

So audience when is it better to swim, before or after work?

Packing Up

This week we tried scheduling viewings of a few house we were interested after narrowing our list down to eight, and later down to three. Two before we could even get a hold of the contract listed, they were off the market. The other, we are still waiting on a call back, lame. I want to give you money, but you don't want it?

We did get to do a walk through on one of the original eight, which I just didn't feel right about it. The backyard needed a lot of work, that while house was getting new carpet, but you could tell that the obvious resident didn't talk good care of the property. Also it was only five miles from where we are living now.

Then that night, Jason browsing that web found my dream house. I say that because of the neighborhood. A co-worker lives one block over, and about a year ago we had an office luncheon at her cute 1935 house. I fell in love when I first got out of the car, like I was in a time machine. This co-worker is someone who loves vintage, maybe a bit too much, but it makes her, her. Since going to get house, I dreamed of living there.

Well, that night Jason put in an "we are interested" email to the rental company. "I'm doing this for you.“ two days later, we walk the property, get the details of pets, lawn care, washer dryer, etc. That same night we submitted our application and fee. Yesterday I got the call we got the place!

I'm so excited, mostly because of the distance to work only ten minutes with traffic and I'm a lot closer to some of my friends.

So begins the packing! We will have an over a week over lap, praise God!

never posted: Two Days of Craziness

I found this post in my drafts. Never finished it, probably because it was a crazy night at Chase field. This all happened seven days into our marriage.

So Thursday, I woke up, did my normal routine of letting the dogs out and watering my garden before the heat, and then buckled down and applied to the job that was driving me crazy the other day. Within 5 hours of submitting my application I had a phone interview and set-up a face to face on Monday. I hope this is what God has planned for me. I also have a phone interview with medical donation company later that day. I'm so excited to have these opportunities and maybe finally have some type of income.

Last night I went to my first Arizona Diamondbacks Game. We went downtown a little early to maybe get dinner, which everywhere was packed, so we stopped at Alice Cooper's restaurant.

Then off to the stadium, to maybe catch batting practice. By the time we got to our seats they were packing up, but I enjoyed watching how the field maintenance was done. Another job on the wish list. I know the Angels have one, but I haven't seen it up close like this. It's only ok, because it's Arizona

Jason saw Mickey and told all about his hopes and dreams.

The game started and the crowd slowly started to grow and our section seemed to almost over flow. And then these kids, early 20s if that, show up and sit behind us. "Let's go Giants!" Ok, nice, root for your team, but do you really have to act like you're on the payroll. This one person, this guy, just would not stop with the mud slinging. Oh, AZ fans suck, if this was San Francisco, blah blah blah. Cali this and Cali that. I was embarrassed, because I'm from California and I felt this group was giving us natives a bad name. I actually applogize to those next to me, and Jason told him he had no class. "No wonder that guy got the crap beat out of him" came to my mind, in reference to the big Dodger Beating of a Giants Fan, but I quickly told myself that was wrong.


Giants score first, and for most of the game, it was the only run.

You Can't Stay Here

In the next few weeks, Jason and I will be moving, hopefully somewhere better for us and our budget.

Our current abode is a cute little 2 bed/one bath duplex in north Phoenix, which has suited us nicely in the two years we have lived here. Almost the perfect place for newlyweds that happened to have a decent yard for the dogs. There are some negatives to this little place, such as a tiny kitchen and living room. But still has been a great location for the both of us.

But like most people, I hate moving! That packing is the easy part in my opinion, and I usually am all packed weeks before that move, minus that things we need daily. It's more like I hate that actual "moving" part of it. Something always, without fail, breaks. It's rush rush to get that house cleaned and to that next house and stay up until the crack of dawn to unload.

In my adult life I have moved ten times eight years. I understand, it's life, plain and simple, but it can still despise it. I'm hoping things this time are different, and secretly that we will have a week or two over lap to have more time to move. I know it will help me mentally.

So, have we found a place yet? We are looking, and are waiting on a few inquiries, at least it's still a bit early. It's out there, we just have to find it.