Unplanned Evacuation, Sort of

Things are work have been somewhat of a nightmare. For almost a year we have been extremely under staffed, over worked and trampled on. My department isn't the only area that is feeling this burden and frustration, and it keeps growing.

Moral is down, way down, or at least mine is. I dread going to work. I wake up each day, get ready, drive 20 minutes, to sit at a computer and crunch numbers for 8+ hours. I know, hard life. I am grateful to have said job, but spending the last nine months playing catch-up, I am spent! We are always behind, and when we finally think we are gonna get ahead, some issues is discovered and takes weeks or months to resolve, but until it is, we have to spend time doing work arounds or manual corrections.

Since November 2011, was hired the month before, my priority task has not changed. I am the guru of this process, mostly because I have been doing it for so long. Because of my vast knowledge, I have been promoted to lead on a new but similar process, but 17 months of looking at the same thing over and over has finally caused me to become unpleasant and/or irritable. I'm glad I'm able to help answer questions and provide accurate information and training to those learning, I just wished it happened sooner...but it couldn't.

Since June 2012, we have been short staffed. Three people doing the work of at least people. As of the start of this year, that dropped to two. The head of our department has known and tried to get approval to get more staff in, but it hasn't been until this last month that the big wigs asked for numbers to see if there is a need... Really? You need graphs and reports to see that this area is understaffed? Oh yeah, I forgot, we are robots and you don't really care to open your eyes and see that there is in fact a need. But you approve the use of temps, smart!

The constant waste of money bothers me. It is cheaper to hire and train someone as a full time employee, then contracting workers from an outside vendor and paying twice as much an hour for someone that I feel there is no reason to invest in. When the contract is up, they are most likely gone, and we are left short handed.

I'm not sure what to do, stick it out, or start looking for something new? I recently had a long talk with my manager, and she has expressed her concern for me and that she wants me to "be happy" and not quit, but she also understands where I'm coming from. I love the people I work with, but the work load is too much for the amount of people assigned to it. The projects keep growing, but the size of the team stays the same or shrinks.

We have a major department meeting with the big wigs come May, and everyday I feel more and more like I'm suppose to make a stand and become a voice. Not to embarrass or cause hurt feelings, but to express the frustrations that are currently running rampant.  We are not drones that do as they are told because they have no need to have personality, but we sure do get treated like it.

What will happen if I speak up? Not sure. 

Stress = Meeting

I recently was promoted at my job given a bit of insight what expected in the coming months and years. Since then I have been a bit more stressed and I'm not sure it's the work load, to the point of considering resigning from these new projects I was so excited to see get off the ground.

I'm grateful that I have a great relationship with my manager, so I often find myself venting and sharing my current feelings due to stress. This time she decided to go to bat and set up a meeting with the director and the person that seems to be the one stressing me out. It's tomorrow and I want out.

This other person is a manager over a sub-department of our office, but has IT experience and used to work in my area five months ago. I feel that their IT experience is out dated and not that beneficial to these projects. Also, they have been out of the DPR game for almost a full year due to other projects assigned  them.

So I'm having a hard time figuring out what their role is in all this and why it seems like I am really just the lab rat. Thus the meeting.

I don't want to cause tension or hurt feelings, but it's getting old being on a team with a teammate that doesn't want to even cheer you on or help you work on your swing.

Being a Girl

Dressing the part is expensively hard to do. I don't know how or where to start. Hair, make-up, clothes, shoes and accessories... I can only blame myself.

I hate clothes shopping. Rarely does anything fit, or it's extremely hideous and old lady. Being a member of the busty girl club has its perks, usually.

Since high school I choose the route of a tomboy, mostly because sports were more important to me than curling my hair or caring about the latest trends in what I dubbed as"girly." Also, it was/is easier. Plus, baggy t-shirts reduced the focus that my chest often draws.

I need help and maybe a sugar daddy. Ok, not the sugar daddy.

String Cheese and Babies

Like most of us in the working world, my time used of lunch is precious, especially on stressful days. Company is what makes lunch more than just 30 minutes of cold sandwiches and salads. I love my lunch buddies, and the conversations we have.

Today, while discussing being actively in the spotlight of our churches and work, we got on the subject of babies, particularly our future babies. Mostly the fears of my dear friend and co-worker.

She is obviously not mentally their to start her family, which I have a hard time relating to, but totally understand that not every single woman is all gun-ho to get sick, uncomfortable, stretched and put through extreme pain just to extend their family. But I was glad I was there, mostly to listen and discuss they whys.

I'm 29 years old, and pretty much ready, but I'm also on God time, not my own. If I had it my way, I would have been perfectly happy starting my family in my early twenties, but God knew I needed to mature before taking that leap. Doesn't mean I'm not scared. A baby changes more than just my body, but Jason and I's life. Do I stay home? Go back to work? Will we stay in Phoenix? If not, were will we settle and continue to grow our family? There are so many other questions that I could come up with, but I have to remember that I/We will handle them as they come.

I think the biggest fear that we mutually shared was if we would be good moms. What is a good mom? Really, how do you define that?

New Year, New Crazy Adventure

I know it's cliche to say something like that. Duh, every year will be different and full of new. Even more cliche to say that I just have a feeling that this year is going to be something real special.

Thus far for 2013, I have received one promotion and two raises. I knew a little about one raise back in October, but didn't know it was going to include a promotion/new position on the totem pole. The other raise was that of a cost of living increase, which with the new taxes, actually didn't increase anything. 

Both this things came at a great time. Jason may be getting laid off from the current company he is working with, since they have completed the job at Intel they were contracted to do. Also, there is a lack of work for the union, some prospective jobs are no longer on the horizon, so he may be out of work for awhile.

This promotion also means, more responsibilities to come. I'm already know that's usually what comes with a promotion, and I feel like I can handle it, well 95% of it. The other 5% will involve working in conditions I was hoping to be freed from. I'm excited to learn about my new role and the things yet to come, but that little 5% is making me dread it more and more. I'm most likely making it into a bigger problem than it is, but that 5% already exists, it's just moving along with me. 

It makes me feel that I'm not capable of learning and being proficient enough to not have to depend on that 5% to help move forward. In the last two years, I have learned two data processing systems, beyond what I currently use them for work. Mostly because I ask questions and work problems out so that later I can explain it to someone else if need be. But if I have this little percentage that is going to keep me from knowing everything, why let me be apart of it? Why not give the 5%  the whole package, and give me something else to do? I'm just frustrated because similar things have been going on, and just makes me feel like my superiors don't thinking I'm able to learn and perform at those levels. But I'm told I have done a great job of making it a part of my training to learn all aspects if possible, and relaying them to my peers.

And those new responsibilities are in the future, once we tackle the current hiccup and smooth it out, but even then it will be more than a year away. Which gives me time, I guess, to show that I maybe don't need that 5% hanging on. That I am capable of learning something outside my area, to insure a full understanding of it all. Which will only help with creating a smooth transition of future training of staff and better communication with vendors/IT when problems present themselves. 

If I know the ins and outs, hows and whys, then I'm a better worker and things can just get done correctly the first time around.

Enough about work.

The Hurt of Old Scars

This morning as I was getting myself ready for work, my mind wandered to a conversation I had yesterday with a co-worker. We both were raised in large, Christian homes, both our fathers studied to be pastors, and neither of us felt the pressure of being Saved. We talked and talked about growing up, similar thoughts and feelings about our relationship with God in comparison to those who did not have the same upbringing. And I shared my "Back Row Baptist" grandparents.

Oh how I miss them, and still really doesn't feel as if they are gone, just out of touch. They were a huge influence in my life, because they loved so much! God loves beyond what we could ever imagine, and my grandparents love God so much, that it poured out onto those around them.

Knowing Things Sometimes Sucks

This week has been a somewhat unpleasant work week, even though I took Monday off. (deep sigh)

I felt really great come Tuesday morning. Felt excellent as the day went on. No troubles with the system, no new support tickets needing to be submitted, wonderful lunch with co-workers from other departments, etc. But when a certain person just RUBS you the COMPLETELY wrong way 80% of the time, it's really hard to function and continue on my merry way.

I'm still upset about it, and still trying to figure out how to discuss it professionally and effectively with them and/or my supervisors. I'm trying to pray it away, cause how I acted, made me feel embarrassed and apologized to those who witnessed my small action of anger. I don't to be that person, but I also don't want to continue being someones punching bag or inbox for abuse.

Wednesday wasn't any better, other issues, broken records, awkwardness. Today, I ended the day by crying. It sucked. Basically was a repeat of Thursday, with more awkwardness. I was in such a bad mood before 7am, I kept to myself for the most part, then by the end of the day I became a clown just to help the office not sense my ridiculous negative attitude. Which in turned helped me as well, until I get news I'm not suppose to know yet.

I understand why, but it has made me incredibly sad. I'm grieving over something that isn't happening until February, but I feel like my heart broke a little. Actually, is it a little broken. And it's not because I haven't officially informed yet, that part doesn't bother me at all. It's the fact I have spent the last year getting to know bits and pieces of people and my job, and when things change, I have a hard time with it. This situation is very, very personal to me... so I'm taking it

Tomorrow, I wear a mustache.