Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Change...

A big one and one I really needed. I am a very angry person, or should I say I was. Thursday, I realized that I was, and now since then I've been working on it in more than one way. Reading at least 11 scripture verses, all ones that are specific to areas that I'm currently needing wisdom on, working out after work (sometimes two or three times), and reading a web page I found on controlling anger.

I'm a big time complainer, BIG TIME! At work all I do is complain about what others aren't doing, or the fact that I have to do their jobs for them (not always by choice). And complaining gets me now where, and just makes me waste energy and just creating unneeded stress for myself.

Just like being aggressively angry gets me no where. I don't like who I am during those situations, and I feel like I've started to get a grip on how to handle myself when I am upset about something. God says it's ok to be angry, but not to hold it in. And anger is just another emotion, but excessive anger just pushes people away, and makes you one unhappy person. One thing I know about myself is that I let little things become extravagant. And I mean minor things. I know I have been told, a few times from Jason, that I can be too serious at time, never really able to relax and see how dumb it is to be getting upset. So far I've been able to just tell myself it's not a big deal, or that it will be taken care of. I'm definitely feeling better. I mean, last night, sitting home by myself, just watching tv and chatting online... I wasn't feeling upset for being home, with nothing to do, just enjoyed it and my day...

I still have a long way to go, and I hope I'm able to let God guide me, and give me wisdom about my behavior, or how to control myself better.... So please pray for me...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I'm 24... until tomorrow

It's hard to believe that tomorrow at 7:55am PST I will be officially a quarter of a century old. But I have my Bachelor's (finally, and my diploma came a few weeks ago), a wonderful boyfriend that makes me happy (most of the time) to be around, and somewhat of a career goal. Yeah, most people my age are married or have been for a few years, but I'm not ready. I'm not even working in my field yet, and trying to start a family would almost postpone that.

Yes, in Five months my life is going to change, I'll basically be starting over...Scary! But as I think (and talk to Jason) about, it's becoming something more tangible. I'm still not sure if my plans of Texas for July and the next 3 years is what God wants for me. I miss home, and moving two states over (basically being 24 hrs away by car) makes me miss home more, and I'm not even there yet. I've been away from family since 2004 essentially, but only half a day away at most. Now my plans make me even further... I've missed so much the last 4.5 years, is more really going to make a difference.... Births, weddings, family gatherings... I just need to pray more about it.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Never have I felt so screwed!

Friday, four days ago, I was promised 30 hours a week, which I need a min of 25 to just scrap by according to my budget. But as of today, I get 20, and only 20? I'm so mad... and scared...