I'm lost...

I don't know how else to say it, except that I feel completely lost on what I'm suppose to do in life. I feel so stuck without any kind of light or direction. Before moving out here, I sort of had a plan for myself, though I wasn't sure about a lot of it, I was still hopefully and excited for the chance and change in my life. But now it just feels like regret and emptiness. Yes, the way the world is economically and such is a major effect on those "plans" and have me just wanting to surrender and head back with my tail between my legs, but nothing else. No insight or plan for my future, except to leave Texas. I just don't belong here...

Our Sunday School class was going over how to be joyful in all things, which to this world makes no sense at all. How can one be joyful when there is so much going wrong every second of the day? We, Christians, are commanded to Rejoice in all things and give Him (God) praise for all things. So I'm struggling with the joy/rejoicing part. My life has flipped upside down, and spun out of control on more than one occasion, and I'm suppose to find joy in that? Find joy in the fact that I basically spend all my time at home in my room, to avoid the annoyance that has consumed my home... There is joy in my life, just isn't the focus like it should be. Jason is trying really hard, and do mean really hard, to make me happy and laugh, even when he's had a bad day. I'm really glad I have him, cause I think if we didn't have each other, we would have fallen apart and farther into the pit of despair.

So what do I find joy in right now? The fact that I have a family that loves. The fact that I'm reminded daily that my parents did a great job at raising seven kids, that are respectable members of society. I also find joy in the fact that they, my mentors throughout my life, are/were excellent teachers and examples of the Christian life. I find joy in the fact that though I am far away from those I love most, I have someone who loves me just as much, reminding me that I am loved. But most of all I find Joy in the fact that God gave me a gift, not a reward, but something as free as the air around us. Free Life, an eternal one for that matter.

Please pray for me and that I find direction soon. I know God has a plan for me, and has had one before I even existed. I just need wisdom to know where He wants me next...

2010...

Well here is my first blog for the new year and decade. Not sure what to write. Seems like all my blogs lately are just upsetting sob stories of my life right now. Not that good things never happen, just seems to be getting worse and worse. Jason agrees with me. We aren't where we should be, weather that's Texas, church, or our current residence.

Jason has been told for a few weeks that he was possibly, a strong possibility, getting transferred to a store north of us as Manager. Well just a few days ago he found out that they hired someone outside the company. Jason is currently the number one seller in all of Austin and in the State of Texas, so he's really upset about the way Sears works. This is the third or fourth time since transferring out here they have screwed him over. First it was they lost his paperwork, so he was out of work for two weeks. They decreased his pay, when they originally told him he would be making more, and there are other things that have happened that I can't remember. He's been looking to get out of Retail for a long time, but I'm so sure he has a lot of time to do so.

My job is ok. I'm just so tired of doing the same thing over and over now. I need a change, but I haven't been looking.