I don't know how else to say it, except that I feel completely lost on what I'm suppose to do in life. I feel so stuck without any kind of light or direction. Before moving out here, I sort of had a plan for myself, though I wasn't sure about a lot of it, I was still hopefully and excited for the chance and change in my life. But now it just feels like regret and emptiness. Yes, the way the world is economically and such is a major effect on those "plans" and have me just wanting to surrender and head back with my tail between my legs, but nothing else. No insight or plan for my future, except to leave Texas. I just don't belong here...
Our Sunday School class was going over how to be joyful in all things, which to this world makes no sense at all. How can one be joyful when there is so much going wrong every second of the day? We, Christians, are commanded to Rejoice in all things and give Him (God) praise for all things. So I'm struggling with the joy/rejoicing part. My life has flipped upside down, and spun out of control on more than one occasion, and I'm suppose to find joy in that? Find joy in the fact that I basically spend all my time at home in my room, to avoid the annoyance that has consumed my home... There is joy in my life, just isn't the focus like it should be. Jason is trying really hard, and do mean really hard, to make me happy and laugh, even when he's had a bad day. I'm really glad I have him, cause I think if we didn't have each other, we would have fallen apart and farther into the pit of despair.
So what do I find joy in right now? The fact that I have a family that loves. The fact that I'm reminded daily that my parents did a great job at raising seven kids, that are respectable members of society. I also find joy in the fact that they, my mentors throughout my life, are/were excellent teachers and examples of the Christian life. I find joy in the fact that though I am far away from those I love most, I have someone who loves me just as much, reminding me that I am loved. But most of all I find Joy in the fact that God gave me a gift, not a reward, but something as free as the air around us. Free Life, an eternal one for that matter.
Please pray for me and that I find direction soon. I know God has a plan for me, and has had one before I even existed. I just need wisdom to know where He wants me next...
2 comments:
Hey there! I saw this post and thought I'd help you out as one Christian to another. I found your blog through a mutual follower, whose name is "jorge bardales." My blog is http://jerseydorf.blogspot.com
Anyhow, I think you are on the right track in finding out what you have joy in right now. A few weeks ago, I asked myself this same question. I realized that your calling is not what you are going to do in life, but rather who you are going to be. Our calling in Christ is to look to Him as our Savior, and recognizing that need by our inability to follow His holy law. It was hard for me to take at first because I was thinking, but what am I going to do in the future? The fact of the matter is that we can plan, but we must count on God to direct our ways. Whatever you are doing right now (supposing it does not go against God's law) is what you are being called to do. Do it, and remember who you are called to be.
Go ahead and make a plan for your life (that is a great thing to do and I think almost essential) but expect God to change it for His glory. Bloom where you are planted, and God will provide your every need.
One more thing, I know how you feel because our family just went through something huge, and so now I have completely changed direction, and my dad has made me part of the business.
That something huge is this: we earned a month's wages (just enough money to stay where we were and eat) in the year 2007 and last year. 2008 gave my dad heart valve failure, and we earned nothing that year.
God has provided so much it is beyond words. We live comfortably in the same farm home that we have had for 11 years now, and while our family is hard to take care of financially, (11 children) we have been SO blessed. The Lord WILL provide for his sheep.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, he makes me to lie down in green pastures, he restores my soul...
yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, thou art with me...
Psalm 23
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