I won't turn away

One of my favorite songs is by a Christian group called Tenth Avenue North, and it's title is By Your Side.

My adventure out here in Austin, Texas hasn't been as simple as I sort of thought it would be. But I constantly reminded myself that more than my family was supporting me in whatever way. God and I are still working on our relationship, though I feel like it's almost one sided, and I'm sorry for that. But He has been here since day one, and will be by my side through eternity. Just as things seem completely out of control, He sends hope and comfort. I am truly blessed to be where I am right now, though at times I do get caught up in this earthly form.

I am very grateful for the opportunities that He has given me just in the last two weeks. I just got a full time position at Goodwill, which is going really well.

But I still miss home, and things hear are still shakey, financially, but God will provide.

I want my Mom.

Everyone has some kind of comfort when everything seems wrong, mine is my Mom. She always can make me feel better even if I was the one in the wrong. Just something about her that makes me feel safe regardless if times are crazy or just frustrating or even both. She loves me completely, because I am her child, but it's conditionally. I know God is the same way, yet I'm yearning for something more physical.

I feel really alone right now, though I am surrounded by people. But not people that I'm comfortable enough to spill my emotions in front of. My life is being controlled by other people and all I want to do at this point is go home and be were I can even just cry and get it out. I'm tired of swallowing and swallowing every emotion that I have simply because I have no one to counsel with who really knows me. People back home know me.

Yes, I have Jason I can talk to, but right now it's not helping to much. I guess cause I'm just getting the same/similar answers, because he can only do so much or knows so much. I'm so lost in this situation and trying hard to figure out what it is I'm suppose to be learning.