Realizations

Last night, Jason and I went with our Sunday School class to celebrate Chinese New Year. Apparently, it's something they do every year, or at least they did it last year. Most of them go to the resturant we ate at quite frequently. They even asked for a certian server who verified my thoughts of members of the class being regulars. It was fun. I laughed a lot, mostly because of Jason and our friend Matt were being really silly. It didn't help that I was sitting between them. Also, I realize I laugh more in unfamiliar situations and unknowns. I'm very shy and to myself, espeically in large, new groups. This is the first time we have gone out with the Bridges class. We went to Viva Chocolata fir desert, everyone tried to get me to sit down. Today I realize I would rather stand, for an easy exit from situations. Again, this is just in new situations or with new people.

Jason and I have been attending this church and class for a few months now and I realize that though they are a friendly group, none have really ventured to get to know Jason and I until recently. I mean, we haven't gone to after church lunch ever cause of Jason's football plans or errands we had planned to do, so it's not entirely them. Sort of the same thing happened in Flagstaff. Jason's last visit to Greenlaw, there where people I never ever talked to who were suddenly interested in my life to the extreme.

Many of them have stated to us, the Bridge class, that they hope we don't move. It would be nice to stay, but things are just getting worse financially. If money wasn't the big factor in our situation, it could have worked. Jason even brought up the fact that he applied to many pizza places to be a delivery guy, and none have called him back at all. "I'm over quialified to deliver pizzas."

I'm hoping that I can work out my budget so that it doesn't drive me insane.

Just Fell Deeper

At least I know there is a way out. I can't help but look at what I had almost a year ago, wow it's been that long! I thought I was set, at least heading into the next nine months of my life, though still not really working in my degree field, but doing something I enjoyed very much. I had family close to me, an awesome Church Family, and great friends. If I had stayed would I be struggling like I am now? Yes, I feel a great regret in my choice to move to Austin, but that regret only came to me in the recent months. I wanted a new adventure and felt that it was my chance to go, but did I move too soon or was I meant to just stay put? I won't know until later, but in the now I feel I disobeyed God. Jason feels the same way, but takes it a step further than myself. I know we humans have been given the freedom to choose our direction, even if it's not the direction God wants, it leads us there anyway. We just end up going the longer way sometimes.

Saturday night I'm going to setup my Etsy site and post my artwork up. I have to figure out shipping of some items and pricing, but then I'll be set to go. Will I make any money? That depends. I know that some of my compositions can be viewed as pornographic since it includes nudes, and others will be viewed as just crafty crap. I'm trying to be somewhat selective as to what I post, but I'm unsure what audience I'm looking to attract. I haven't decided if I want to sell my show pieces yet. Maybe I'll just keep the framed ones, though I want to give one to a family member. I'll post my Etsy link on here when I get it going. I'm thinking of naming it Printing Naked, not because of the nudes which I probably won't sell, but because I enjoy the more traditional ways of printmaking. More sweat and laborious, but I feel I get better results. Plus, inkjet print offs are not prints in my opinion, along with other wanna-be's the sneak in to Printmaking. It also from a joke in my figure drawing class.

I have been reading Philp Yancey's "Rumors of Another World" that Jason got me for Christmas. The church we attend here in Austin seems to really like his work, since then send some of his literature to new vistors. This book kind of reads like C.S. Lewis' works. To the point, yet sort of mysterious. I'm hoping to finish it this week, then I'll do a complete report on it. I've been thinking of reading Purpose Driven Life again. I read it a year ago, straight through, though it's a 40 day devontional. It's an ok book. Has great points and insight, and helped me with a family issue along with other things in my life. I gave my original copy to Jason's dad back in November since he just became a Christian and I thought it would help with some of his questions. Well Jason bought it for me for Christmas, he actually accidently bought two copies. "I kept seeing it and thinking, that looks familiar, I should get it." A week ago we found out why he bought two. We meet up for dinner with a friend from church, short notice. It was go to go out and share intimately with someone other than Jason about being a Christian, I forgot how that felt. But he's sort of struggling with direction like we are. I mentioned the Rick Warren book, and laughing about Jason's double purchase. "I have it in the trunk of my car right now, if you want it?" Our friend hasnt started it yet, "It's on my coffee table to remind me." Lately, like I said, I've been thinking of taking it up again. I brought up to Jason that maybe we do the study with our friend. Studies always seem better when you're able to discuss them with someone else.

I Hate Money

I think mostly because I have re-done my budget to adjust to the loss of roommates at the end of this month and having to split the whole housing cost with just Jason, gives me no money to use towards anything "fun" for myself. I guess this just shows I need to sell my stuff for real this time, I mean my art. I have mostly prints, duh, but I have some jewelry stuff too, I guess I thought I could go back to it. Who knows, maybe I will. But pricing has always been my hiccup. I know how much time I put into every piece I have done, some more than others and it shows. I was told, about my show pieces, how much is the complete edition worth and then divide by how many are in the edition, but when I do that they come out too expensive, or so my friends say. But like me, they are also struggling. My mind keeps going to the desire to have my own shop with endless possiblities of producing work, but it has to start somewhere, right? My dreams of building my screen press will have to wait until I get a little more in my pocket, so a single table/board with hinges press will have to get me by for now. I just hope it doesn't break the bank. Ink is going to be the expensive part, mostly because I already have paper.

So my hopes of going home at the end of this month have been flushed. I need truck tires, plane tickets went up, and I don't have enough leave time to stay like I wanted. March may be better, but that depends on if we end up moving then or not. My cousin is getting married at the end of March and my nephews first birthday is near the beginning of March. My truck tires will be less than a plan ticket home, and I can't wait any longer to get them, they are practically bald. I'm glad I only need two and I'm getting at least 10% off of them because of some Sears promo and Jason's employee discount.

Hopefully by next week I'll have my taxes done. What I get back is already allocated to the move, which sucks, but I'm glad to have it.

Well my phone battery is almost dead...

Already Backing Out

Yesterday, I didn't go to the Gym. I flakes cause of the weather was crazy, traffic was insane, and I ended up taking a completely different way home, which seemed faster, but took me through downtown. I think I just need the make Sunday my start day. Maybe go before church, or after.

I also didn't read my bible last night, but did the morning before going to work. Maybe that should be my routine, since I usually have about 20 mintues to spare before work. I think I'll have more success in making it a part of my life than just a task.

Though Jason and I got some kind of answer in regards to moving, but I'm sure if it's right. Lately, as I have shared with Jason, feel that we might just stay through June. I mean, if the landlords can't fill the place until then for whatever reason, we are stuck here. I'm now wondering if we should just continue to plan for June and just dismiss the fact of possibly leaving in a month and a half? It actually will work out fr the better cause then there is a set date, no guessing. We can schedule a truck and needed plane tickets for those we need to help with the whole traveling West. I know that I don't like planning that far in advance, but it almost seems smarter.

Starting All Over Again

Yesterday I decide that I need to get back on track. Not just with my studying of God's Word, which I have posted a note next to my alarm clock to remind me to read my bible at least for 15 mintues Everyday, but with my fitness. I've been putting off the gym for over three months it seems. At first it was because I was working 70+ hours a week between two jobs, so I didn't have time to go. And as of December I just made excuses. So far in 2010, I have gone once. Stupid I know, cause I've basically thrown money away for the last three months. Well, starting tonight after work, I am going to the gym before home. It's on the way anyway. But I've been waking up at 5:30 every morning, which is making me think I should maybe go then and shower at the gym. We will see how this week goes.

I'm also counting calories again. I know I'm not fat, but I am overweight. About 25 lbs according to the BMI for my height and weight, which even when I was athletic in high school, I weighed only ten pounds less than I do now. Yeah yeah, I probably has more dense muscle then to make me heavier, but the BMI seems unhealthy. I'm hoping I can get healthy enough to start running again, then calorie counting shouldn't matter, or at least it didn't when I was running 50+ miles a week.

I also have realized I need to make plans/goals, realistic ones. I'm still going to shoot for the Long Beach Half Marathon in October, regardless of where I will be living. But I need to make some smaller ones leading up to that one. I know that maybe some 5K, 10k races should be included leading up to October.

Jason just called me. We are going to go see "that one guy" Saturday night. "Don't say I don't take you anywhere." Actually, we rarely go anywhere because of money and stressful work days. Crap! That cuts into my workout! I'll figure it out, I guess.

Still in Limbo

But at least we go half an answer. Jason and I asked out landlords about three weeks ago if there was anyway they could let us out of the lease as early as the end of March, since things have been a constant struggle since we moved out here. Sunday night we got a half answer, but at least it's somthing. They are going to re-list the house for rent with a April 1st availability, but until it's filled we are still responsable for the rent. We can afford maybe two months just he and I spliting the whole cost, which leaves little to no room for saving to move. Plus, there is no definite date as to when we will leave, so we can't book the needed truck and plane tickets for propective people to help us drive three vehicles. Also, we are wondering if we should just continue to live there and find a roommate for the remaining months, even though God constantly is showing us that we both need to go back West. More to pray about and let God just handle the details.

I still am unsure of as to where I'm going. Jason and I have talked a few times about it, always briefly. If I move to California, he's not sure how it would work cause we both need to knock our debt and student loans down, so spending 300 extra a month to visit each other seems pretty impossible. He sort of upset me last night cause I was reading an article from NAU about how Spike Lee came and spoke there last week, and I was talking about it, cause it was kind of negative towards my previous job there. "You just can't let that job go, can you?" Yes, I really enjoyed that job and the people I worked with, but I wouldn't move back there to work at SUN my whole life, and I couldn't anyway. It's a student position, so I would have to pay for a class to go back. I am not sure I can explain my love for Flagstaff really. I guess it's like the feeling I always had when I spent tine with my Grandpa and Grandma Lawson. There was always an adventure and exciting things where ever we went, even if it was just to their house, which really just felt like an extention of Home. I have family there, though they are blood, but in His blood we are. Just took me four years to find them, mostly my fault and procrastination.

Jason doesn't want to move back to PHX, so hopefully it's just for a short time. He's looking in Flagstaff as well, but may already have a job waiting for him in PHX doing construction again. I've been looking in Flagstaff, PHX, the LA area and Orange county. Mostly trying to find something with Printmaking/Art, but I should maybe look into Event Production and office stuff. There was a company I worked with for a concert that is based in PHX that told me to look them up if I was there. But the head guy was a big jerk, and his crew treated us like idiots. Hopefully the job search will show what's next.

I was trying to plan a mini vacation home in March, cause I really need a break from here, but I don't think I have enough vacation time to even come out for four days. Since I just completed my 90 days my vacation and holiday pay hasn't gone on my pay stub, but should be on the next one.

Jason and have started making a list of places to go before leaving Texas. Like places to eat in town, going to Dublin or the Dr Pepper Museum and going either to Dallas or Houston for a day or so. We haven't had a lot ove extra money to just go take mini vacations like we used to do in Arizona, so I hope we will be able to do at least some of them. I'm not so sure I'm down for the waterpark, I hate wearing a bathing suit.