Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I love my Brother...

Something that I don't express enough, but it's kinda hard to do so. That last few days I've been home have been fun. Laughing, joking around, and the many games we played at Melanie's, with and without Ella and Beverly. This morning, after a long night of family, friends, gifts and Wii, Paul comes into my room. "Merry Christmas," and hands me one of the Post Secrets Books. I was shocked, mostly because I remember him telling me how stupid they were when I said I wanted them. Honestly, that's the best gift I've ever gotten. I'm not saying that the other things that I received were horrible, they were actually great as well...Maybe it's because of who it came from...

Monday, December 24, 2007

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve...In less than 4 hours I'll be at my Grandma's laughing with the rest of the so-called Lawson Klan. This is one of the few things I look forward to each year, but with my current state, massive migraine and slight nausea, my joy and excitement for tonight has almost diminished.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Once again, I have a dream, a kinda weird and upsetting dream. Why do I always seem to dream about this particular person around this time. Well mostly when I'm home. I think it's because I can allow my mind to wonder more.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It's Ordered

Rhonda and I ventured to Huntington Beach yesterday afternoon. Selected the colors she wanted, and ordered my dress. I can't believe they are putting me in a 12...I'm not sure that's correct, since I know they measured my bust wrong...I realize that size varies on the designer and company, but a 12? Well it won't be ordered until Silence gets her measurements in, since we have essentially the same dress. But I'm glad Rhonda is happy with the colors she selected, now she just has to match the groomsmen, ushers, and fathers to the party. She's having a hard time putting someone in the purple. Paul has already shown his great joy on that subject.

So I've lucked out two days in a row for Jury Duty. I haven't served since 2004, and it looks as if I won't have to go this time. But time will tell...

My mind wonders quite a bit. Many of you have experienced my "ADD" at least once during a conversation, but is it a bad thing? In church yes. I find myself often asking God just to help me focus, and not wonder on what I have to do or on things that shouldn't be in my head at that moment anyway. Yet I still allow myself to drift off. Don't get me wrong, I love worship, and Pastor is a good Preacher, but my mind is never at a relaxed state. Yet during my printing, I'm focused. Making sure everything is exact: Inking up plates/stones exactly the same way every time, along with other steps, so that each image is exactly the same(an edition). Usually I don't converse with others, and my mind doesn't wonder on to other things.

I'm still searching for another member of my committee. Since Bruce is no longer teaching my classes for Dave, we got a replacement. Her name is Bridgette, and she did a lot of Screen prints according to Dave...I just hope she'll be able to help me grow in the direction I need. But since she lives in Phoenix the rest of the time, she wouldn't be a good canadite for me since I need to schedule meetings. I really would like my Figure Drawing Instructor, but I know that will cause butting of heads between him and Dave...Why does this seem harder than actually developing my show?

Monday, December 17, 2007

Who knew I could do it to myself?

I've had my fair share of bumps, bruises, cuts and scars, but who knew that I could give myself a black eye. No, I didn't just punch myself, and I didn't do this on purpose. But boy does it hurt. I think I've only had one black eye in my life, and that was given by my brother Sam back in 2000. You can barley tell, minus the cut, that I even have a black eye, so I'm not worried.

Every time I plan and travel home, my excitement grows and grows. Like a flower, blooming with joy and life. What usually happens is that I have a conflict, or some how get upset and angry to the point that I want to leave...But now I grow excited to be done with my Bachelor's, in hopes of having more opportunities to see my family. I realize that's somewhat fairy tale like, but I'm not sure I want to plant my roots back in Long Beach; or California at that. Yes, next semester I will only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so more time in the studio of course, but more time to spend away as well.

With the realization of Rhonda and Brian's wedding only being in 14 weeks, I'm starting to feel not ready. I haven't seen the dress physically, thus I haven't even tried it on. Plus I had high hopes for my "girlish figure" prior to my fitting/purchase of this so called garment. I'm not calling myself fat, and I don't have low self-esteem issue when it comes to my weight. Yeah yeah, I was 145 my senior year, but I was running, lifting(not very much), and competing, so I was pretty lean in my days of old. Yes, I've gained a few pounds, quite a few, but I'm still beautiful, and that will never change. But I can change my physical health, which would help those extras to go away...but in due time.

Last night was church's Christmas Choir Special. I've never seen the parking lot that full before, but then again I'm only at Church when I'm back in the hood. It was a great performance, the music was awesome, and they sang one of my favorite songs, "Isn't He." David Justice need to bring it down an octave though...

Well I'm off to start my day, though Windex kinda started it for me...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

One HUNDRED!

This is my hundredth post on my blog...only took six months.

Well I leave tomorrow afternoon, and I know I've been saying this for the past couple of posts. But I haven't been in California since September, and have missed out on Thanksgiving, paintball, and church. Yes, I know I could easily solve that last one, but I've been lazy when it comes to God. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do while I'm home, except spend it with family and the few friends I still have back there. Growing up is weird...

So I finished my jewelry pieces, but my buckle is missing key components. So for now it's just a trophy. But my casted ring came out without any signs of air bubbles or holes, but is now stuck on my right hand. I fits decent on my left, but let's just say I'm saving that side for a special gift from a boy...so I wanted to see if it would fit on my right, without having to sand it down more...so I did it while washing my hands, and boy does it fit! It fits so good, that I can't get it off...I highly doubt my pip joint had 1 hour to grow and extra half millimeter. So I have a nice new edition to my hand, and can't do anything about it. Except enjoy it...

Why is it so hard to find gifts for my brothers? I'm not just talking about my two biological ones, but my in-laws. I pretty much got all the girls down, just need a few items, and a mat cutter, but I'll be good. But boys...they're hard. I kinda know what they like, at least Paul, Sam, and Charlie. And my nephews are cake! Cars, Spiderman, and Star Wars...how hard is that!. But the older ones...Even my Uncles, or pretty much the men of the family...What to do?

I know Christmas isn't about the presents, I really don't need anything, or even want anything, but I love sharing with others. Showing them how much I care, and giving something I worked so hard for...I love Christmas for the family I have. The love we share and show to one another, no matter how critical we are in the presents of others(or so I'm told). We share our faith with those around us, even complete strangers that have been invited so kindly by my Grandma, welcomed by everyone to the family....and Luke 2...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I'm kinda snowed in, well I'm stranded, unless I walk. The snow is up to my knees, and so soft and light. I just hope it clears up a bit, and roads are better when I make my trip.

Which has been on my mind, well a lot of things/people have been on my mind lately. It's still kinda up in the air in how I make my travel, which I'm almost debating on driving my truck back. Checked the fluids this morning, did a once over on everything else, and think that it wouldn't be a bad idea, but still nervous about it. The Rental isn't completely out of the picture, just if-ie right now. I still have two back-ups, and that's not even counting Melanie. I'm trying really hard to just let Him handle it, but it's hard when you're just having a rough day.

I feel kinda twisted right now, but being unraveled. Like a string from a piece of clothing. Being singled out and removed from the security of the whole. I thought I choose correctly, but did I? I have to remind myself that this is not entirely in my hands. God has allowed me to move this away, even if it was away from someone I really did love. But did they love me back? Did I really make them happy, cause I know they did when it came to me. It's been awhile, I'm not even sure, since I've even said hello to them, why? Why did I try to work so hard, when it feel like I haven't really done so? I'm happy, don't get me wrong. And I have a long way to go, and people to meet...I just want them to be happy too...

Make sure it's the right pitch, and don't waste your swing...

Monday, December 10, 2007

Only a few more days...

and I think I'm getting sick. Jason has been battling something for the past week, and of course I've been in contact. But I doubt I have the same thing he does. I think I just have a really bad migraine, which is leading to my stomach aches.

Only two more hours then it's off to my first final. But it's not really a final, more of a here's my stuff, tell me what you think. I hate 100 level art classes for this reason. The Crits are not what they should be, especially when the Teacher doesn't encourage people to speak. I feel like I get close to nothing out of it. At least tomorrow I just have work.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

One of my favorite Christmas carols, mostly cause it reminds me of family and closeness. But why am I thinking of that song, while sitting alone at home...Today we got our first snow! It's not much, but enough to be excited about.

I love that snow! I often claim it's one of the reasons I moved to this little lumber town. How it's dances downward, while a few catch a drift, as if trying to head back up to the sky. So light and fragile, melting as the touch my window. I just wished it was more...Windex practically swims through it, but enjoys every moment of it. But atlas, the sun is trying to poke itself through the clouds...

So I haven't been home, seriously. I think last night was the first night I spent in my own bed, even without Jason. Just me and the dog, who is now sleeping again in a dog bed that bearly can contain her. It felt good, I slept really well. I've been staying with Jason mostly because he and I hang out so late. I'm not neglecting Windex, she comes with just about every time. But I finally said I was staying here, and it actually worked. I also had time yesterday to clean my sheets, it had been two weeks, though only the dogs had been using them. I like my bed a lot, and just knock out on it...

Last night was the last of the Fall Senior Shows, which one side of the room was better than the other, minus Ed's placement of his spectacular forged bracelets and rings. But I love going to these things and bumping, literally, into old faces. Craig, who graduated with a degree in ceramic in SP05, was there for Larry Phan's show, which really resembled someone's from a few years back, Eric Camino. Anyway, Craig is a hoot, yes I said hoot. He's my Dad's age, and a big flirt. I informed him of my change in emphasis, since I lack aesthetics when it came to my pots. "I disagree, I think you had very good aesthetics." But regardless, I had no support from the Faculty. He asked what was in stored for me after my BFA. "Grad school, I would love to go somewhere in Oregon, but where ever will give me a paid internship, that's where I'm going." He starting going on and on about UNM, and how things are kinda messed up there, but you doing your own thing. "You just work, that's all you can do." I only knew Craig for a semester tops! But he has inspired me so much when it comes to my artistic abilities.

Which leads me to my show. I have a year, to be completely finished with it. Which also means I need to start talking to my committee. So far I only have two people, TWO! I need at least three. So I need to start putting Ideas together, and running them by them and others...

Friday, December 7, 2007

Well I'll be home in a week...just a week. I'll leave next Thursday, 2pm, and be in Long Beach no later than 10pm. I'm so excited, that I'll start packing tomorrow! Here's the low down. I'm renting a car for a single day, driving it from Flagstaff to the LBC, and dropping it off just within 24 hours of picking it up.

So I've been missing quite a bit. I haven't written here in a while. A long while...But I'm not sure what to write now...VOTE HUCK!