Maybe it's me

I don't know, things have been very stressful. I don't know if it is the way others are expressing issues involving me or if it's the assumptions that are made in regards to these issues. To be honest, I'm getting really tired of it all. I really do not like being viewed as someone I'm not. I'm trying not to take this to heart, but I never ever try to build myself up as something I'm not. Or imply I'm doing things in that manner without consulting others or following instructions.

Jason says I am a rules freak. Maybe it was my upbringing. I follow the rules, instruction, and guidelines to the best of my ability. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I don't follow everything to the T, but I try really hard to be on the up and up. Rules are there for safety and logical reasons, or that's how I look at it.

I'm sorry for this post. This just hit me this morning and seems to be happening a lot lately, which is why I'm wondering if it's me. But not to sound like a jerk or righteous, I doubt it is me.

Christmas is coming, and I'm no where near ready for it, but then again I am. Jason and I are still trying to figure out if we go or stay for Christmas. It would almost been fun to go what we did last year, minus the proposal. But with his work schedule we would have to leave Christmas Day and money is tight. Also, it's our first year together as husband and wife and it would be nice to spend it just he and I, but what would we do all day? Jason keeps saying we should start some kind of tradition, but his "ideas" are ridiculous and he doesn't mean them. I'm thinking of making us stockings, even though we both already have some from our parents, but this could be a new tradition. Plus, I need to sew.

I really want to see my family, haven't seen them since the wedding three months ago, and it's hitting me harder as each month goes by. Though I wish I was living in CA with my family and getting more opportunities to see them, I really like my job with FH. I do plan to head out in January for my sister's baby shower to which I will be driving. But I'm still excited to be there...