I didn't think I would end my Friday afternoon with a phone call about a robbery. Well, I guess you can't really call it a robbery, when it hasn't been confirmed that anything has been taken. My Grandparents house was broken into recently, and the damage hasn't been completely evaluated. My sister Rhonda is the only one that stays there, since it's closer to the Zoo than our house, but she's not there everyday. I just hope nothing was taken... Those are my physical memories.

I'm grateful for this week being over. I've been so busy lately with work, but still have a lot going on in the near future. We just finished our last concert for this month, and our team was lacking big time. Don't get me wrong, it went as smooth as silk, which was a shocker, but our team was incomplete. People put themselves on the bench because they felt like it, not because they were injured. Seriously, I got popped in the face with some big ol' electric cable(which had metal threads), which cut the out and inside of my mouth, but I still worked 18 hours that day. Why? Cause it's my job, and I got checked out and was fine. But other people are putting these events on the back burner like it's handing out fliers and lacks importance. I realize we lack communication, especially within the two groups that exist in the office at this very moment, but that's not my fault. I'm just grateful that TC got pissed off enough that we are actually having a concrete meeting on Monday, and they got nothing on me. Ok, maybe the fact that Advertising isn't completely going out(pedway/booth), but the five of us that are involved with it got told that we have to do it if no one else does... so far only Waylon and I have picked up the slack. JERKS!

Jason and I had an odd conversation last night... The subject of marriage came up, more in reference to us. I mean, just recently I said those three letter words to him, and I do mean them a lot. He said he felt like a jerk for not saying it first, though he knew he loved me back in December. But are we in "love?" The answer to that is still undecided in my mind and heart. We get along wonderfully. We talk about anything and everything, laugh and poke fun at each other and vent our frustrations we come across in our daily activities. We are growing together, not just in our relationship with each other, but also with God. As some of you may not know, Jason was engaged last year, which he broke it off last Summer. I realize a lot of you are thinking, "nice, what a winner Raylie," but please don't come to a quick decision, cause most of you have yet to meet him. When he broke it off is also when he started seeking God, "hit rock bottom."
So last night he and I were talking about the big M word, and it kinda got scary. I mean, I'm not ready to say yes to anyone right now. Too much is coming up for me to settle down, and he knows and respects this, especially since he doesn't want to rush anything either. I'm not even sure at this point if he is the one, and I blame myself on that one. I hate planning things, at least at this point in my life. Things change in a blink of an eye constantly, so I'm scared to plan even 6 months in advance. That is also why I'm trying not to get caught up in him, I don't want to burn him or myself in the end... I think I'm worrying about nothing, and not sure where I'm going with that last paragraph...

I better get my TWO papers done now....

HULK SMASH!

Finally it's Monday, which means tomorrow is Tuesday... Why am I pointing out something so common as that? Tuesday is our last event for the whole month of February, which means I get to breathe, or at least for a week. With back to back events each week, I thought I was going to loose my cool. But after a over 12 hour day tomorrow... I just want to chill and catch up in the shop. Then it will be Carnival Night.

Lately I've been getting really frustrated, and actually taking it out on Jason. I feel bad, especially the last two days. Yes, some of the frustration was with him, but that was discussed upon the time it happened or shortly after. We talk, a lot, about ourselves and when we are troubled regardless whether it's between us or others. But yesterday was drowning in this irritable anger.

First of all, it was Sunday, and what do I do on Sundays? I go to Church and do laundry. But I got up, looked out my window, and it's snowing. So I shower, get dressed and waited on Jason. Decided to go shovel the front and the back for ease of access throughout the morning for myself and the roommates. I guess the snow was really coming down, well not like pouring rain, but what I shoveled soon was covered with another layer of new snow in a matter of a few minutes. I started to get worried, "is it's ok to drive in this crap?" See where I live, you have to either go up a really steep hill, or around the neighborhood and up a littler hill to get out to the main road, and there have been times when that wasn't possible. Jason gets there, we go, almost doing a 360 on the way down one of the small roads. I hate how the roads are up here, nothing was plowed yet, minus the parking lot at church.

So after church, I just want to go home, but the roommates wanted to meet up and go to Sam's, fine, but no of them were ready to go right at noon, and Jason was hungry. So we went by ourselves, shopped for dinner and necessities, and got two polish dogs each. Jamie calls, and Jason tells her we are already there and shopped, which is when he hands me the phone. She sounded almost disappointed that we went without, but the plan was to meet up after Jason and I were out of Church, and they weren't ready. So we get home, after a few more stops, which just causes me to get cranky... "I just want to go home."

We finally get there, and Jason tries to convince me to go chill, but more things just keep causing me to get more and more upset... I was not Raylene yesterday, I was someone else, someone almost gutless and angry at at the world. I don't like being that person, ever. Yes, I know I can be a bit of a slave driver at work, but I've chilled out a lot since I started, and it helps when we have people that want to work, not just get paid. I'm hoping this week gets a bit better...

So I'm all moved in downstairs, and already I feel lonely. Last night I spent like an hour talking to Janice in her "new" room. She's even having issues adjusting to the change. I feel a bit segregated, which sucks. Windex is still adjusting, but I won't care if she stays in Janice's room rather than mine some nights.

I can't believe people lack so much character, and could be so rude! No one told them to leave, they decided to do so, not my problem. They were asked to clean and take care of their responsibilities, which they did not do, and now are making threats of not paying for anything they still owe. They have stolen from us, even after being confronted about it, we have yet to see it return. And we still have not received keys from either one of them. Yesterday was a hard day for me and each of my roommates... I hope I don't have to go to court because of these people, cause I'm not at fault for anything...

I'm kinda jealous, which is dumb, cause I can't remember the last time I was. All because I read a blog of someone I care about. Yeah, we had history, but there was never a future for us. It just made me feel like I was never good enough, even though at times I feel it's really the other way around. I actually felt bad for them the other week, cause things seemed kinda sad for them. But now they are over joyed and loving where and who they are with, but did they ever feel somewhat like that with me? I know I'm being dumb right now, really dumb, cause I have Jason, and he's pretty awesome... I just need to work hard on getting them out of my system, which shouldn't be hard now. I mean, they weren't for me, no matter how hard I tried to make it seem like it was in God's plans. They just aren't the person for me, wasn't yoked enough to come close to where I'm at with my Faith. Oh well, I just hope they get some type of relationship with God, and not be excluded from the Book of Life.

Rarely do I receive phone calls from home. I mean there is maybe 5 people that I actually talk to on the phone on a regular basis, actually I see them on regular terms as well. But today my sister Retah called me with a question and good news. The question isn't important to post it, but my dress came in! Actually everyone's did, so I'll get to try it on and make sure it fits right a whole month before the wedding! I'm excited to see how it looks on me. Yes, I have not tried it on, or even a sample of on cause there were none available to do so.

Well, I have yet another long night ahead of me...

PS. Yea I'll take your bath stuff Rhonda...

I still haven't slowed down, and it doesn't look like I can put on the breaks anytime soon. I've spent another 8 hour day in the shop, and got nothing to show for my hard work. Especially after Bridgett called us together to have the "shame" talk. I honestly have no excuses as to why I have nothing to show for my Advance Class, but my color... that crap is hard. Plus, the weather wasn't too great this past weekend, but I did get a Snow Day on Monday. I should be able to print another color Saturday, and hopefully another on Monday. I need to plan my days better, but it's hard when I spend every bit of day light at school, regardless if it's class or work.

I went to church this past Sunday, and actually made it to Sunday School... They need change, not that they aren't fellowshipping with each one another, I mean we are going over how to witness and share with the lost, but they are stuck. They want to grow, but I really don't see how they can when the majority of the members are my parents age or older. They lack Youth, children/nursery workers(it's one lady that is doing it, and she is about to pop), and they don't have a CC class. I like this church, don't get me wrong, but I don't want them to die off either. I should be praying about this more, but it hard to slow down and focus. I've been thinking about moving my letter, and trying to get involved. Awana is held on Thursdays, and with the way school is going, I doubt I can get involved with that, but even their Bulletin is so out dated and needs improvements... I just don't want to step on toes, but I want to see more people coming to worship and sharing Christ.

Other things I've been thinking about... Something that's been coming up a lot with me is a pull towards missionary work. I'm not even sure why, but it's something that excites me, even though I know I'm not a strong witness for God.

Also, about grad school. I've been looking, and seem to prefer the schools more East of the Mississippi, mostly for the Facilities. Pretty weak huh? UNC Greensboro sent me a packet and they will actually give me a discount on my tuition, and let me pay in-state, which is cool, but I want that internship. But I've also been thinking about waiting to apply for the Fall 2009 semester. I mean, I'll be doing my show next Fall, and Grad Deadlines for the Spring 09 semester are as early as September. So as I'm working to get my show up, which includes slides and crap, I'll have to have a portfolio done in time to send it to at least 10 programs? I think I'll just wait and develop my pieces... I'll have my best Undergrad at that point.