12 hours and Counting...

I should be packing, but my mind is distracted by other things. I have a list of things to do, which I've only completed a handful thus far. I've spent most of the day doing basically doing nothing, yet getting most of my packing done, at least clothing-wise.

I feel really hurt today, just really down. A constant slap in the face from a choice I made a few weeks ago. But it was a choice I was going to make, just was bad timing and the way it happened was not in my plans at all. But I'm still being haunted in away for my actions, as if I don't already know what happened. I'm just a girl, nothing too special. I do have some great qualities, but obviously wasn't meant to be more than just a friend. I'm tired of being slammed on, yet they can't stop from focusing on the hardships that this subject has caused. Life goes on, there is no point is staying in the past or what could have been stage.

I know I'm a somewhat decent friend to have, but at times I feel like people take advantage of that. I tell my friends, even those I really aren't that close to, that if they need anything to let me know. I've drop everything to help them, unless I absolutely can't. But why do I do that, knowing they would never do the same for me? I like helping people, that may be a flaw of mine, but why is that I feel the need to help? I've sat hours on the phone, hearing someone go on and on about their horrible life. For what? I tell them the same thing over and over again, but they would rather worry than get up and do something about it. I can't solve your personal problems, I can only give you advice. I'm not a miracle worker, but God is. And I've been saying that for years now.

I just realized what today was...Wow, it's only been two years, and I still have a long way to go.

Well, I've wasted enough time on this idiot box, and should really finish getting ready for this week. Until next time...

Spider Pig! Spider Pig! Does whatever a Spider Pig does...

A lot has been on my mind lately. I'm having to pack for two trips, and have to be completely ready for both by Tuesday night. Since we leave for Yosemite Wednesday morning, and once I return on Saturday, it will only be hours until I'm off again, heading back to Flagstaff. Some of the stuff I still have on my to do list are things that my parents said they will do while I'm camping...I just hope they remember or get it done. I hate feeling unprepared, but that is how it goes.

I had a blast at the fair yesterday laughing at the "weirdos," eating sourdough pizzas, and hand dipped ice cream. Oh and yelling at the sand art guy...Genesis 1:1! I think we all had a great time, minus the old man telling us how being 30 or older feels. We still only went on one ride, but those tickets are expensive! Five bucks for 10 tickets? At least I go a coupon for free bacon...those piggies should have just ran faster, now they'll be my breakfast.

I can't believe school starts in just over a month. Where did all my summer time go? At least I get to have a bit of vacation, and travel a bit, but was no where near what I thought I would spend it. Portland fell through, last minute job offer, last minute camping trip, and returning to Flagstaff and start working for good ol' Jim. Whatever, I have already been making plans for this year and the semester to come. So many things that me and Janice are planning (Josh Turner in September), New Orleans in the Spring, along with Spring Break in Hawaii. Yes, I'm gonna stick to my studying/prints, but a year from December, I'll be done completely with school. So I'm gonna have some memorable moments to reminisce when there's silver in my hair.

Now I'm off to spend my evening with some awesome people(including my brothers)...

A Prayer for Dinner Parties

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.

The child bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

I'm the Top Hat

So I was told yesterday, by someone who will remain nameless for the time being, that my blogs are too long. Eh, it's not gonna change anything. HA!

Work is finally over, and ended very well. We had a crap load of food (including watermelon) and even a pinata, that ended up just falling off it's string. But it was still fun for a last day at work. Then it was clean up, which was nothing but put three things in to Amy's ball shed, and then off to lunch and happy hour with the rest of the district. I enjoy that day just as much as I enjoy going to church, even though it's the evil side of things. But I love laughing at drunk Ms. Cook and hearing all the stories from summers past.

This week has been full of joy, but also frustrations. Friend getting out of the Navy and returning home from Japan, new jobs for those in the Northwest, and the camping trip that awaits many of the CC members; but I'm just seem to be negative about things. Frustrated with communication between people, including technical issues. I'm starting to get tired of a lot of this that I'm currently involved in.

I found myself Thursday night before Bible study crying. Not because of sadness, but just was in deep prayer with God. I've realized that I need to stop doing what I want without His counseling. It's not what I want, but what He wants for me. But I'm pushing too hard to try to find out what that is, and losing patience with the whole situation. I've waited so long for what may become, but I'm at that point that I just need a "yes or no" answer.

I love the game Monopoly, though I'm not that great at it. I think it's just the time I get to spend with those(mostly my family) being involved with it. We would play for hours, even run out of 500 dollar bills, and have to make 1000s just to continue the game. Most of the time I would be the one having to pay my debt with my mortgaged properties, or be Ms. Penniless. But I can never remember a time that no one wanted to play. Even myself, usually the first loser( but I was still first), wouldn't turn it down. But I see an opportunity to enjoy a fun and exciting time, but can't even open the box. Since time is limited, but it always is. If we were to live life knowing what was ahead, God would have made it that way. Yes, there are things my life that I know are going to happen, but that's closely knit with my faith in the return of Christ. Will I see that day, don't know, but I know it's coming and where I will be when it does. What about the now? The people in my life, the situations that I've come to, and haven't moved very far in any direction. The box just sits there, gathering dust because it's not logical to start a game when there will be interruptions. I understand that it seems silly to get everything ready, only to have one or more of the players leave before the first player rolls, but you want to play right? What will it take to convince them to stay, or even convince the others to just wait for them when it's your turn? Why not just see how far you can get before someone has to rush away? I just want to play...

Well I'm at the beach all day today, by choice. Rhonda and Brian's engagement bonfire party is gonna be there, so Noelle and I are just gonna be beach bums for the day. I hope we don't get all toasted, even though I wouldn't mind a little color on what's been hidden all summer. So I will be there until late, enjoying my family, friends, and people I've never met!

Getting Closer to the End...

Well I burned my pizza, and I only have me to blame. I thought I would help my mom out and do a quick dinner, since we both just got home a bit ago. No one except my Dad knows about the burnt one, which I plan on eating myself. And so far, it doesn't taste that bad. Hey I like my bacon burnt, and don't ask me as to why...

I really wanted to go out tonight, especially since Melony got my hopes up with talk of Game Night at her house last week. But that was out of the question, but she wanted to go back to the fair, which would have been fine, but I had to do errands with my Mom. I needed to go shopping for clothes, especially for camping. I left everything I possibly would wear back in Flagstaff, since camping had not crossed my mind while packing for home. So I ended up with three new pairs of jeans, a pair of short, a pair of caprices, and two girly outfits. I seriously got a dress, and I defiantly will wear it more than once. My Mom notice that I tend to lean more towards brown, which I'm more of a Dark Blue Fan, but I look amazing in brown. I'm excited for my change in style!

The last couple of days have been trying, especially on my patiences, which I'm losing more frequently it seems. Sunday, I had to tell someone over the internet at I was not interested in anything more than a friendship. I really wish it could have been under different circumstances, and not over AIM or even the phone, but the opportunity came, and I ceased the day. I felt so shady the whole time, but what else was I suppose to do?

Then work on Monday, which I wasn't feeling it. I was only at work for a total of 30 minutes, and really wanted to ask if I could go and they get a sub for the day. Everything seemed to annoy me, including some of the sweetest kids I work with. I can only handle the repetition of the same question, from the same kid in less than ten minutes. I felt bad telling them that they needed to leave me alone and to go away, but that's better than yelling at them / making them cry. So I sat inside until it was time to go on the field trip. Yes, you can call me selfish, but I did work on preparation for a craft, so it's not like I just sat there and watched movies all day. At least for the field trip (evan almighty) we only had a total of six kids, so I was hoping for a nice little nap in the movie. But God just kept piling it on it seemed. The BUS DRIVER! Oh my goodness...if you want to hear the story, you better call and ask...But I did my best to hold my composure, for the sake of my kids and myself. I was glad that I just went home, and slept.

Today was a lot better, still a bit stressful, but at least I got to go in a nice, cool pool for two hours. Collin asked why I don't go off the diving boards that last time we both went. "I'll pop out." Confusion struck his face, but only briefly. My bathing suit is nothing more than something to cover the parts of my body that should not be viewed by others. I had to stay in the shallows, since I had two kids just under four feet...eh, still had a blast playing. I felt bad for dunking the same boy and him (the two times I did it) swallowing the chlorinated water. These kids need to learn how to blow bubbles out there face! But I'm not their Momma, so I do the best I can. And so far this summer I've only had one kid call me "Mom," and I'm not even sure they realized they did.

I just hope with these last two days that I can keep my cool, and not get so easily irritated. They are just kids, but they are our future. But being kids they need to stay kids as long as possible. Not these Tweens that act as if they are grown for whatever reason. Sometimes I wish these kids could have had the type of carefree life I had as a kid. Many have already experienced things that I didn't even know existed until I was much older. I think that's why I'm having a hard time with this generation...

So where do I go now??? I have so much on my mind these days...and can't seem to get them organized or even solved. Things are gonna change big time in the next few weeks, but can I handle it, whatever it may be? I really think I can, in all honesty...at least with Him. But I want the answers now, or at least the equations. Not so much a cheat sheet, but just the way to do things to get the solution for the unknown...But yet again, I'm stuck without a plan, and we need a plan, right?

Just Thirty-Eight more hours of work!

Are you humbly grateful? Or grumbly hateful?
- Pastor Roland Smith

What a Sunday! I get up, knowing that Paul is gonna bike to work, thus Sam and I should drive together to save money. So I wait, and wait...still waiting. I go to check on him, and he's getting dressed. I go back out to my truck, and when he finally comes out, he informs me that he has to go to work after church(implying, I want to drive myself), which is fine, but he should have told me that when I first talked to him. But that's small potatoes, or more like just the eyes. But he did give me a package of orange slices! So I guess I can forgive him...

So go to Sunday School, which was PACKED! I think everyone but Nikki was there(she's in Australia). All the seats were taken, and I only got half a cup of coffee. We studied 2nd Chronicles with Don and discussed how with every decision we should ask God for guidance. Something I've been trying to do a lot, and with everyday things. He's the only one that knows the answer to anything and everything, He did create all this! I'm working on my walk, but I'm realizing that I only need to walk with him, and not depend so much on those around me.

And yes, I've changed my mind again. Call me Flip-Flop Kerry if you like, but I'm going camping with Church. So I'll be in California for another week, which is good. I still have a lot of things I want to do before I leave, and now I have an extra four days to due so. Hannah and Stevie are the ones that helped me decide, though Stevie is not going due to her Boyfriend(LAME)! I'm so excited, but realize that I'm gonna have to go buy a lot of stuff, since I'm lacking in some areas of clothing/equipment. But Hannah and I are gonna have a BLAST, even though the swim suit rule is stupid! One piece suits only? Might as well tell use to wear wet suits or the ones from the thirties. I'm not gonna go waste money on something I won't use, for sake of modesty.

Last week of work, and I'm relieved! No more AMY! I just let her do her thing, and just do mine. Everything will get done some how, so no need to stress. But at least tomorrow I get to go see Evan Almighty, Tuesday is the pool, Wednesday is the talent show(boo), Thursday Water day!, and half day on Friday...then off to Happy Hour with the whole District! Countin' Down...

Hymn #365

A Southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon.

With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, Shall We Gather at the River."

They're just Boo Boos

To God, our journey is as important as our destinations.
- Beth Moore

Paintball was so fun! Only four bruises this time, and right now they are about the size of old fifty cent pieces. Just the battle scars of Victory! I don't think I lost one round of all the games we played, even when we did the old vs. the young. There were only six of us (David, Charlie, Brian, Paul, Kyle and myself), and being the only girl, I wasn't willing to do battle of the sexes this time. I accidentally repeatedly shot my brother, even though he was already signaling he was out. There were a lot of bushes, and I couldn't see his gun in the air. I just saw the marks I left on his stomach...But over all it was a good day. Not too hot, just enough paint and time, and me not getting another concussion.

After that it was head back to Casa de Luster, shower and eat lunch. It was nice to just hang out, laugh and play video games, and of course harass my nephews. James I walking now, Samuel tells everyone how mean Uncle Paul is(since Paul steals his blanket at every available chance), and Bo is still wild and crazy. We didn't leave Victorville until 9:30pm, and just got home not too long ago. It was a nice way to spend my last weekend home. Made me realize how lucky and blessed I am.

It's my bed time, or was about an hour ago. Church in the morning, some running around in the afternoon, and then evening service at 6:00pm. Busy as usual...

There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.

A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.

"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint."

The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."

I really don't care!

I realized tonight something really crucial about coming home, I really don't like my sister. Everything seems to be about her, especially now that she's planing a wedding. She is one of the few reasons as to why I'm changing my mind again about Yosemite. Two years ago, I went with them and had a horrible time. So why go again, especially with her all Bridezilla like? It always has to be about her, even when it's not. She purposely makes herself the center of attention, and actually blocks me out of conversations, stands in the middle of any group coverstation(even when everyone else is sitting), and cuts people off mid-sentence, just to name a few. I'm really glad I'm not around most of the time, cause I can't stand it. And when I try to talk to her about things I've done or somethings I've seen, she doesn't even listen or even pretend to pay attention. But I listen to her stupid crap every time, which just pisses me off more and more. I'm not some stupid little five year old that can't understand grown up words, as she implies. I just can't talk to her anymore, which kinda hurts, but I've tried!

I'm also really tired of hearing people complain about things over and over. Do something about it if you're honestly not happy. I don't throw pity parties, and hate being remotely involved with them. It's not all about you and your issues, and no one else can handle it except yourself. Yes, I complain at times, but I have never complained this much about one thing.

Also, I like talking to people, but hate just hearing about them with every subject. You ask a question, you expect an answer from the opposing person, and then wait for a question. Not ask, then get some of the answer and then explain a situation involving you. It gets old, and annoying, and pisses me off. Makes me not want to talk to you, and actually avoid you. There is more to things to talk about than yourself. Yes, you're trying to make conversation, but it's not working really well.

What started out as a great day, ended on a bad note...Hopefully now that I've vented, I'll be able to let go and move on some what. And maybe paint ball tomorrow will help with my left over aggression, if any still remains after tonight. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

One is the loneliest number...

The single most important element in any human relationship is honesty -- with oneself, with God, and with others.
-catherine marshall

Once again, here I sit in an empty house. COMPLETELY EMPTY! But what is there to do? Nothing really, especially since Paul disconnected his PS2 from the TV...I haven't played Guitar Hero once! I haven't been home alone very long, and probably will just go to bed in a bit, but I'm still alone. I should get my things together for tomorrow, and do a bit of needed laundry...That takes care of that! I guess if I had gone to Bible Study, I still would be at church chit chatting with Katie, or the Younger Girls, but at least then I would be talkin' to someone.

I shouldn't complain, I just got back from spending forty bucks on sushi with Linda and Urias. It was amazing! The first time in about two-three months since I've had any kind of sushi. I had my Unagi, and Spider, but I think all the rolls that they ordered became my favorites! Especially the Wild Oak. I can't believe I ate that much sushi, usually just the the two are good enough. Maybe it's the altitude...lame excuse I know. Oh and Unagi is Delicious! Nasty doesn't mean Delicious, at least not in my vocabulary, sorry Cowboy.

I love catching up with the two Mexicans, even more that we are apart. This would have been my fourth summer with them, but I guess in away I blew it. Thus we were separated... But all is good, and though I miss them, I enjoy the reunions, though few.

For four hours today, the kids played in the water...Four HOURS! Just sliding down the slide into the pool that passer by's were drenched by. It was hysterical to watch each kid, repeatedly, slide down the metal slide into what became something similar to a shallow puddle. I admit, I too wanted to get my turn, but was unprepared for the event, since I usually try to avoid dressing for it since I dislike being sprayed with water. Maybe next week, I'll take the risk...

Tomorrow is the glorious BEACH DAY for LBUSD , which is held at Seal Beach, and has been for the past hundred and sixty-three years (0r something like that). It's a pretty big deal, cause most kids never go to the beach, at least not west side kids. Also, I'm the only adult from the whole program that gets into the water, and I mean "gets in." Hey, I'm working, but it's the beach, you're suppose to have fun. Let's just hope I don't lose my whistle and earring this year...oh and that I get the Sunscreen on before everyone rushes for the water...No Chief Redface this year Paul.

With tomorrow, is also the count down for the end. Only 4 full days, since Friday we close at noon. So big deal right? Well that means I'm back in Flagstaff a week from Sunday, but am I really ready to go back? Guess I'll have time to think about it. Right now I better go brush my teeth and hit the hay.

More than meets the eye...

I finally saw it! And the whole time, my mouth was open in Awww! I can't believe that they actually did a successful rendition of the cartoon I know and love. I was expecting something lame, and not having that nice little umph! Did anyone else catch the thing with Bumble Bee? It's in the beginning, and let me know if you've figured out what I'm talking about.

Yesterday I went to the OC Fair with Paul and Melony, and even though we didn't go on any rides, we still had a blast. It was nice to just hang out and share crazy stories and laugh at the "freaks." I ate a big ol' hot dog, and it was worth the stomach ache. But I didn't get home until after one, which kinda sucks having to get up at six for work. But I would go again if I could.

Work is almost over, thank you GOD! But I'm still debating on staying another week, or heading back out. It will work out, I know it will...

Chicken Noodle

Love wholeheartedly, be surprised, give thanks and praise -- then you will discover the fullness of your life
-Brother David Steindl-Rast

Well, she popped! Briana finally had her baby, and I haven't seen him yet. She and I were best friends since we were four, and all the way through middle school. We found different crowds to be apart of I guess, but still talked to one another when given the chance. I mean, she's still eight houses down from mine...So Kas finally came out, and I'm sure she's enjoying every second of it. She waited long enough. I saw the flag late last night, and haven't had time to stop by. Plus, I'm sure she needs her rest.

Today is a good day, minus a few upsets, but coming home and finding out that my Mom is making one of my favorite meals...CHICKEN NOODLE. Yes I'm simple, but this is so good! Nothing can compete with it, and it's just chicken and noodles. I would eat this on a hot day and still enjoy it just as much. Things like that make me feel better about being home, and miss it while I'm gone.

I guess with Rhonda's planning a wedding in 9 months I've been paying more attention to things in my life concerning marriage. Gabe once told me that I shouldn't look too deep about every relationship, just enjoy it. I'm twenty-three, so I'm still young, but I'm at that point( and have been for some time), that I'm gonna evaluate the person on life term qualities. It's subconsciously done for the most part, and expressed to my closest friends. Like my last so called boyfriend, I knew we weren't gonna get married, but was doing my best to enjoy the attraction we had together, which he seemed to lack when it came to me. I also catch myself looking at how they handle situations and themselves, and ask if that's what I would do. It's a lot of things that I don't need to worry about at this moment, but they have been on my mind.

I currently have a lot happening within the next two weeks. Along with work, I have family events(YES! PAINTBALL ON SATURDAY! Anyone interested?), friends to catch up with and say goodbye, and the never ending decisions. But I also have more personal things going on, or more like not going on...

I need a change, and working on it in anyway possible. No John, it's not a sex change, I like being a lady and wouldn't make an attractive man. Just plain and simple things that I really have been wanting to do with myself, but haven't really gotten into. I grew up pretty much a tom boy six days out of the week, and a girl on Sundays. So most people would think I'm just a t-shirt and jeans girl, since that's what most people see me in, but I really would prefer the other. I love heels and girly clothes, but jeans and tees are so much cheaper, but that can't be an excuse anymore. The simple, boyish Raylene needs to be retired. I think it will help me work on my behaviors...being less of a thirteen year old, and more like a young lady. That's what I want. I'll still have my fun, there's not doubt in that. But I'll just look even better doing it. So don't be too shocked if I start wearing skirts to work, it's not that serious.

A Golfer's Deal With the Devil

A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, "I would give anything for a birdie on this hole."

A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, "If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot."The golfer said "OK." He made the shot for birdie.

A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. "Please, let me make this for eagle" he said.

Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, "If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle."

"You're on," the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle.

On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said "If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win."

"OK," the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round.

As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, "I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, "Nice to meet you, my name is Father O'Malley!"

I love me some bar-b-que...no really, I did!

Knowing that we are fulfilling God's purpose is the only thing that really gives rest to the restless human heart.
- Charles Colson

Today was our usual family get together to celebrate July Birthdays in my family, and of course it had to be at the Brice's house. Oh well, at least I got some Lucille's beef ribs, tri tip, mac and cheese, and of course biscuits with apple butter. I had two plates, well almost two plates, but I was so full it hurt. But it was worth it, and I found out later it was not worth taking some home either. Let's just say my truck smells delicious now.

I had a blast with my nephews, though I spent most of my time with James snoozin' on me. At least I got to watch the Angels game. And yes, they lost, but the Dodgers lost to the Angels, so what does that say about them? And I'm starting to realize that my cousin is really moving, for realz! And also realizing that my family doesn't listen very well. Every function I tell them I have a year and a half left, no more, no less. And that hurts, but I just have to laugh about it...

But also with today was church, which our regular pastor is back in Indiana (Gary Indiana, Gary Indiana...) so Don and Nate Adams preached. Which I prefer Pastor Hill, but they were both great sermons. I was challenged today, not in anyway I felt comfortable about. I sat down for morning worship and was immediately being approached by a complete stranger, which I consider most of the members one since I'm only home a few times out of the year. So I just was like, oh a member that hasn't met me yet. Boy was I wrong! It was a first timer, and I was the wrong person to answer any questions. She stated that she's been going through a hard time; passing of family members, her current living situation, etc. All I could say is that the Bible says not to worry, and that God can handle anything, the hard part is letting Him handle it. Some of the things she said scared me, really bad. I was glad that someone else came over to talk to her as well, but why did God put me there in the first place? I'm not really strong in my faith, but I do hold tight to what I have. Thus, I don't consider myself that great of a witness to those around me. I guess every little bit helps...

I think I might put off the date of my return to Flagstaff. The College and Career Group is going to Yosemite again for the 3rd year in a row, and I want to go. I went the first year, almost died, and wasn't able to go last year. But I have to make sure it's ok with what I left back home, and I'm not just talking about work. I've been away for three weeks, and worried about what I'm coming home to on the 29th. That is two weeks away, but is another week really going to matter? Everything is gonna be there when I get back for the most part. I might miss some people passing through, but nothing says I won't see them another time. I'm still debating, and thinking about the responsibilities I'm leaving unattended...

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that hung there. After the young man of seven had stood there for some time, the pastor walked up beside him and said quietly,

"Good morning, son."

"Good morning, Pastor," replied the youngster, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Can I ask you, Sir, what is this for? Why are all these names listed on here?"

"Well, son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, Sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

Is it time to leave?

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth...
- C. S. Lewis

Friday ended week three of LBUSD Underwater Adventure, so two to go. But Friday was a real test of my patience. I'm blaming the heat and the exhaustion of the staff on most of the things that happened. It seemed that every time we had a so called situation(fighting, not sharing, etc), and we get it resolved and taken care of, we have another one brought to our attentions. I really was frustrated with a lot of the kids, and the inferno was not helping me keep my cool. So we sent the kids in to the air conditioned room twice that day, which seemed to help, but still was stressful. "we can't hear the movie, why do we have to be in here, Miss Raylene, Miss Raylene..." I wanted to just start ignoring them and go to sleep, but with my luck, I would get caught. And I know I'm not the only one feeling the pain. Poor Collin...

Four o'clock rolled around, and I was peacin' out. I wasn't getting stuck waiting with the kids, not today. "Oh, you're parents aren't here, go talk to Ms. Brenda or Ms. Amy." Yea that makes me look bad, and almost unqualified for a promotion to a leader, but I really could careless at this point. I had a date with three guys and a chicken, since Tony told me to come to dinner.

This is most likely my last summer, which I did say that last year, but things are changing in my life, big changes. And it hurts to think that my replacement won't do an efficient job, which I have already seen with Linda and Urias. This was also my very first paid job, and have worked for the past six summers. I volunteered from 1995 until I was finally hired in 2002, so I have more experience than most of the Recreational Leaders, and seen a lot of the changes in the program. And I enjoy this job, more than you would think. I'm making a difference in the kids lives, some who's parents are to busy to even ask them about how their day went. Yes, most of these kids come from single parent homes, or households that both parents work so that they can survive, which makes life harder at times on the kids themselves. But will the next person really understand that?

I found out yesterday morning that every Friday, one of the church families has a bit of a pool party. I know the girl, Noelle, who's house it was, but not that well, along with the rest of the church members. So I went, and met up with Rhonda and Paul there. Yes, I was shy at first and started talking to Rhonda, and accidentally dunked her in. I'm not that comfortable in a bathing suit, mostly because I'm a bit big in the chestal area. So I quickly got in and rushed over to my sister. But realized I was with family, and could be myself, and no one would care what I looked like. I got asked a lot of questions, which is expected, I am the long, lost, little sister. I have never felt so welcomed before in my life, and wonder if that's how people feel when they meet my family? Guess I'll have to ask next time some one does for the first time...won't that be awkward.

Oh and the pool...Was amazing! Just what I needed to end my week. And it wasn't just some ordinary pool, it was a saltwater pool. Or as AJ corrected me, Saline Pool. I was diving and just screwing around for the most part, and I didn't feel like I was dirty and needed to shower, and my eyes didn't burn like in a normal pool. Plus, my skin felt really nice after getting out and going home. But I'll be back next Friday...

My weekend is pretty empty at the moment. I really wanted to go to the beach, mostly with my little brother. So when I went to ask him, he said he was already going and that I couldn't go for a lame reason. Why is the fact that his girlfriend's friend from college is gonna be there? The beach is big enough that I'm sure I wouldn't get in the way of her tanning. Shoot, I would be in the water anyway. At first I thought I was mad, but it was more that it hurt. I love my brother and haven't even gotten the chance to catch up with him...I miss him and he's here.

Joke of the day!
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Lack of Function

Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart
-Ruth Bell Gramham

I get religious jokes and scriptures sent to my email everyday, which I've shared some of the jokes, but nothing else. In the ones that contain scripture, there is always a quote. Some have opened my eyes, or just secured my faith more. I'm not a big Bible Thumper, and never will be, but I do know my believes.

Today I was not up for playing with the kids, at least not when 2pm rolled around. I was ready to go, and so was one of the Hudson Girls(three sisters that I've worked with before). Brenda just kept saying I lost it, cause I was laughing up a storm over nothing. I was exhausted!

At least I had plans after work. Just hanging out with Urias and Linda at Avenue, trying to find Ashley a woman. We found a good selection there, even Tony agreed when he finally arrived. I really like them, we can talk about more than just work, and since we don't get a lot of opportunities for us to be together, it makes it just that much sweeter.

So I'm off to bed...


Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid.

It seems that most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain, the Giant would kick him into the ocean. Trids are notoriously bad swimmers, and frequently drowned when kicked into the ocean.

The Trids were a very sexual people, and the population had grown quite large. Every square inch of the island, except the mountain, was crowded with Trids.

The Trids spent their days crowded together, dreaming of the open space available on the ever visible mountain. Every few days, a Trid would decide he couldn't stand the crowds any more. He would start to climb the mountain, and the Giant would kick the Trid into the ocean.The Trids were a very depressed people.

One day a traveling Rabbi visited the Island of Trid. Despite their overcrowded conditions, the Trids were extremely generous to this man of God.

The Rabbi decided to return the favor, and to go plead the Trid's case to the Giant. "Surely the Giant can be convinced to share some of the mountain with you," the Rabbi explained.

The Trids were horrified. "Please don't go, Rabbi", the Trids implored. "The Giant will kick you into the ocean, and you will surely drown."

The Rabbi was stubborn, and insisted that he talk to the Giant. The Trids sent out every boat they had. They formed a ring around the island, so that they would be able to rescue the Rabbi.

The Rabbi started walking towards the mountain. No sign of the Giant.

He walked through the foothills, and there was no sign of the Giant.

He started up the slopes of the mountain, further than any Trid had ever been. Still no sign of the Giant.

Finally he reached the summit of the mountain. There the Giant was waiting for him. The Rabbi asked "Tell me Giant, why have you allowed me to climb to the top of the mountain, without kicking me off the moment I started climbing?"

And the Giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

So much for that...

That's what I get for being honest I guess...but I did nothing wrong. Whatever, if that's how they're gonna act, that's on them.

After being at work a total of 30 minutes, both Collin and I get called into a meeting with our leaders. "so what's the problem?" is the basic question to come out of Amy's mouth. So I laid it out, and I got the reaction I was expecting, but only from Amy. Brenda said like one sentence, only because I directed an issue towards her. We were basically told that we were suppose to be outside since we do the sports, which is just an excuse, not a reason. We all agreed there was no communication between the leaders and the aides, and hopefully with today's meeting, that will change. I'm glad we finally were able to discuss these things, and so is Collin.

My Major(6th-8th) Basketball team, which consisted of mostly Minors(3rd-5th), came out with a win and loss. The first game was too easy, so when the other team showed up...Let's just say my boys got a rude awakening. There was a lot of slappin' and foul play by the other team, yet my boys(for the most part) were able to keep a cool head. I'm proud of them for that.

A parent came up to me today and asked me if I teach during the school year. I've worked with his son the year before, and now his daughter. We talked about about how I only do this during the summer, and that I grew up in the program..."so next week is the last week?" I wish! I corrected him, and also informed him of the program starting the week after we end, he didn't seem interested when I told him Collin and I would not be work that. "oh, well they need a rest before school starts." It amazes me at times how much parents depend and trust me with their kids. Think about, from 8am-4pm I have 40 kids, forty little minds and bodies that parents have placed in my care and that of the staff. I just hope I can do the same when it comes to my kids...

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.""Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ..."

The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

July 11th is FREE Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven

I'm not saying just because it's some rumor, I myself have experienced the excitement and sugar high on such a day. It was two years ago when Brian Dalley and myself ventured around East Long Beach at 9pm in search of these little treats! We hit seven dispenser facilities, and obtained a total of five slurpees in various flavors. So what does one have to do to actually enjoy one of these delicious treats? NOTHING! Find the nearest 7-Eleven to your current location. Walk in, they should have the cups (which are smaller) place somewhere close to the unit in which the frozen gold is held. Sometimes you have to ask the clerk, but it's still worth it. Fill with whatever flavor you are desiring or willing to try. Add a straw with the scoop at the end, and leave. SIMPLE?

Due to the new Simpson's Movie, some of these fine establishments have been converted to Kiwi-Marts...Apu not include in some locations.

Just another day in the neighborhood...

My Grandma turned eighty-one today, and I still have to call her. It's kinda crazy to be reminded repeatedly how strong she is. She's currently staying at my Aunt Linda's house, which I think she's grown tired of and just wants to go home. She fell a few months ago, after a family members funeral service, and currently walking with the aid of a walker. She's a strong lady spiritually, but always has had her battles physically. My Grandma is the only person in my family to be diagnosed with Breast Cancer, had two successful heart bypass surgeries, and cirrhosis of the liver(which was due to affliction with her medication). She was told she wouldn't make it past the age of fifty. But since then she has seen all eleven grandkids graduate high school, six get their Bachelor's, and one her Masters. Been in the lives of all five great-grandkids, and soon number six. Seen three Granddaughters tie the knot, and soon Rhonda will join them.

She's a pretty amazing woman, and always will be remembered that way. She has a personal relationship with God that you rarely see. She loves Him so much, yet still has enough love to share with everyone. If you ever meet her, she's Grandma Lawson and that's it. Not Mrs. Lawson, or Virginia, just Grandma.

Work went over a bit better today, mostly because I decided to just let things happen, and not worry about them. I did vent to Collin earlier in the morning, but that was mostly because the Guys(Ash and Tony) were there.

The day just seemed to drag on, but at least our Minors (3rd, 4th, 5th graders) won kickball, so hopefully by Friday we'll know who we play at Play-Offs. I was proud of them. They weren't poor sports or rude to the other team about being whooped on. Their conduct was a lot better than that of our opponents. But the other schools were just a bunch of new people, who never worked Summer Rec, so it's expected. Not everyone is an expert like me, but that took 17 years of training.

This week is flying it seems, which brings me closer to going to the beach on the 20th, which is my favorite field trip. Mostly because I'm the only adult that goes into the water with the kids. Everyone stands at the shore looking and laughing at me. Shoot I would laugh too! But it also brings me closer to being back home. I plan on leaving for Flagstaff the Sunday after the program ends, so the 29th I'll be putting another five hundred miles on my truck. That's ok, I use Amsoil! And I'll be back with the people I've missed these past few weeks...or more.

JOKE OF THE DAY!

A man goes to see his Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asks, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

The next day the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife on the phone yesterday for over three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously answers, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

Over Blessed in Bust Sucks!

Finally back from my two days in the high dessert(and that's what it's called Mr. Barnett), and about to be off again to hang out with Julian. But felt the need to write a bit.

So I ditched work today to go with my sisters to Rhonda's first dress fitting, which took over two hours! But it was nice not to have to go to work, and sleep in a little, though Bo woke me up at 6am with the sound of mega blocks crashing to the floor. I feel a bit better about my situation there, but really don't want to go back tomorrow. It's two weeks and four days until I return to my home in Flagstaff, but it's still a while. I just need to not let it bother me too much, it's small potatoes, and not gonna change my life in anyway. Plus, it's about the kids, and my involvement in their lives, not these little flare-ups that aren't gonna do any damage.

As I watched my sister try on dress after dress, I couldn't help but think about myself when it came that time. I'll probably be married in the next five years, but I've been wrong before. When I was eighteen, I really didn't think school was for me, and that I just wanted to marry Julian and start my family. But that was also because I wanted(and sometimes still do) eight kids, so why not get started early? But I was just a kid then, and I'm not saying I'm a grown up yet, but I'm getting pretty dang close. But when I do get that ring from the love of my life, whom ever he may be, is my family going to be involved like they are with now? This came to mind, mostly because of how Retah and Rachael we're acting, but they both have already gone down that aisle. Also, I don't feel the want to be in California and making it my place to raise my family, so that makes it closer to a "no" answer. Plus, I'm not that close to my sisters, mostly because of the age difference. The four of them are the eldest of the seven, thus more moments growing up, and a lot of things I don't remember either because I wasn't around or was too little to remember it's importance. Rhonda is Five years older than me, Retah eight, Rachael ten, and Rebecca thirteen; so you can see the intimacy that I lack when it comes to them. But she found her dress, which I'm glad. It fits her, and she still can bounce in the bounce house. Yes, she is getting a bounce house, which is cool, and that's where you'll find me!

But I am glad I'm not part of the bridal party, I didn't want to be the one having to wear the pink dress. Yea, when I first heard that I might be one of the people in charge of collecting gifts, it hurt a little, but I also understand why. Ten months out of the year I'm out in Flagstaff, and not available to come home on short notice if needed. Plus, you shouldn't show up the bride, HA! But at least I get to fine a nice little dress to wear that will actually fit and look great on me. So more motivation to go work out...Fit into a sexy little dress in March, since the one I tried on didn't really fit...Too much in the bust area. Maybe I'll try it on again, since I'll be loosing some inches and weight!

I spent most of my weekend with the Lusters, though very tiring at times, it was still great. My nephew James walked (took three steps) today. Samuel is talking more and more, and he's not even three yet; And Bo is still testing his boundaries, but he's almost five. It was also nice to be able to talk to Retah last night. I did end up crying and getting some things off of my chest. She helped me realize a lot of things, though I couldn't get it to come out in English at times. My family loves me, and always will, whether they express it(which we really don't). Yeah, I've done things a bit drastic (moving to Flagstaff for a boy), but I need to. I told Retah how I'm constantly promoting myself in hopes of getting some type of recognition, knowing I won't get it. It's not that I don't, it's just not on the level that I expect. My family knows my worth in a sense, so there is no need to brag or boost. And the same goes with everyone else: they will see it, no need to advertise it.

So I'm off to the store and then a hot tub...

Time to Laugh!

It was Palm Sunday, and the family's 6-year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go to church, and Jesus shows up!"

I found myself sleepless in the LBC last night. I even went skating at nine last night and this morning to burn of some aggression and give myself some alone time to think a bit, and talk to God. A lot of things have come up during discussion with many other people, including just in my writings. I'm pretty happy with where I'm at in life at the moment. Enjoying my forever growing family, my friends that I can really call friends and not just acquaintances, even the occasional rendezvous, but being of this body, I'm wanting more and always will.

Thursday, we discussed Romans Chapter six and seven, and the beginning of eight thanks so Emily. Those two chapters basically explains how through Christ we are dead to sin. It no longer controls our mind, but the flesh with always be tempted. Why is it that the flesh is always pulled in the direction I'm trying so hard to avoid? I'm not a big witness for my faith, mostly because I personally have an issue with breaking out of my comfort zone for the most part. Also, my life style away from church/California isn't one some people would consider that of a True Christian, or even Baptist. But that's not what's making me somewhat divided at the moment...but does bother me enough to want to change.

I'm not changing for anyone, but for myself and my relationship with Him. And I have stated this before to myself a number of times, but upon my return to the city of the Pondarosa Pine, I allow myself to never leave the start line. So I basically have a disciplinary and obedience problem. I set goals for myself, both spiritually and physically, and I have yet to reach either. I start off running it seems, strong and full adrenaline, but at mile one, I'm turning back. Not because I'm tired, but my motivation dissipates or the fear of the "new." I've failed many times, and yet it's something I really want, so I try again and again, knowing I will always fail. All I need is to take that little step, which is going to church in Flagstaff. Simple as that! I'm not saying I'm gonna go be a missionary to China like my Aunt Leota was, or a preacher's wife, or a leader for VBS (Vacation Bible School), but that step would help me in my walk with God and see more of His plan for me.

So what's causing me to be restless and uneasy. That list is probably a mile long in reality, but it's just a mile. But tonight was a few specific things. After reading someone's blogs on myspace, well they only have six, i realized that some of what was said may be in reference to me, due to the time frame in which it was written. I'm not trying to say that they should be, or are, just made me think.

I've poured myself out, or at least tried to to them, and still I feel I'm trying to hide, even though I can't. They can pick out things that I, myself haven't really taken into consideration. I like critiques, plain and simple, even about myself. You don't always see your behavior, actions, and personality without the help of an outside source. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but do we really acknowledge them?

I allow every stressor that presents itself at my feet to be something grand and huge, even if there is no reward or acknowledgment being received upon completion. Some of these things shouldn't be a big deal, ie the correct way of pronouncing of my name and other annoyances at work. The aren't gonna change my life or effect my future. The same could be said about my family. I love them, and always will until the end, but due to the lack of things growing up, I'm stuck searching and still expecting it from them. I've advertised that I'm number six of seven kids plenty of times, but what does that really mean. There is 14 years distributed through the seven of us, so when I was born, the eldest was half way through middle school. So what does that mean? When it was time for me to go through though things in life, most of my family was already grown and moving on through college. Which also meant my parents, which this year turned sixty, were getting tired. So family trips were decreased, thus so where my life experiences. I wouldn't change my childhood, or how I was raised. We didn't have much, but we had each other and just enough to get through. So now, with me and Sam being the ones finishing school, I still am looking for that slap on the back, that I know I won't get.

So to the rest of the world, I go out trying to prove myself to them, even though they will see me otherwise. I'm tough, but I'm a lot of other things too. But I consume myself in the competition of proving I'm this strong person, which only makes me unhappy in the long run...

I do question my intelligence at times. I realize that people are smart, and have different categories in which they specify in. I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I excel in areas that most don't. That's because I made the effort to do so, and why did I make the effort? Because it was something that I was passionate about, and just came easy to me. Back at Cerritos, while taking Dr. Dave Young's Counseling and Guidance 200 course, I learned that you perform better in those things you enjoy and love. Those things I have have never stress beyond what was needed. My Athletic Training class, I never studied, and always seemed to have one of the highest grades in the class. Anatomy was the same, but since I didn't study, I had a C, but still was doing better than most of the class. Even with my prints, they only seem to stress me out while I'm working on a plate or block, never hanging around for hours. But these other factors in my life, most being that of little importance, I allow to ruin my day. I don't have to prove to anyone who I am, but yet I still do it...

Almost done...three solid weeks to go

The end of another week of Summer Recreation, and I really wished it was week five. There is many times that I tell the kids that I'm gonna quit. But I would never quit, it's not the type of person I am, but it sure is tempting. None of the kids want me to, and Collin as already told me how much he hates me for not being there next Monday. "why is he saying he hates you? Because he is being left with them." as I point back towards the leaders. I mean, they were freakin' assuming that this fifth graders were making out by the lunch benches. Why would they even think that. Yea there was one girl with a group of five boys, but they all grew up together. They can't hang out cause one of their friends gets boobs? I hate the fact that Collin and I have to go behind their backs (Amy and Brenda's) just to keep some kids out of trouble. They are trying to find anyway to put blame on them, and already assume the worst before anything is even mentioned.

Which leads me to another annoyance: I know almost all of the kids names, which we have 108 currently registered for our site, yet my leaders bearly know any and still can't remember mine. It's Raylene, not Raylynn. You can call me Ray, I answer, but really don't like the name Raylynn. I even wrote it on the board, in five inch letters: R-a-y-l-e-n-e. How hard is it to read someone's name and realize that the "e" on the end make the vowel before say it's name. The third day, I tried to make it not seem serious and play off as something to laugh at. "I think it's funny that you call my Raylynn." They didn't even realize, though I told them my name correctly when I first met them, that it was pronounced that way. I think come Tuesday, I'm going to wear a name tag that has my name spelled phonically. Don't you think that would help?

At least it ended on a happy, joyful note

My day started off a bit bitter, probably cause I really wished I had the day after the forth off as well. It kinda screwed me up, along with everyone else it seemed. But I go to work, I'm trying to be productive and cheery for the parents and my co-workers, but then it happens. "Hey, You know your favorite field trip," Brenda practically yells at me from two feet away, with a sarcastic smile. I knew what exactly she was talking about, and I had already stated I didn't want to go about two weeks prior. My response..."the fishing derby?" That's right, we take 20+ kids a half mile over a hill to a park that only gets stocked in the fall, and for what? So they can sit in the hot sun, while almost or successfully hooking themselves or other, or some how be tangled in anything and everything. I hate it! Not because it's fishing, I love fishing. But the walk is horrible for the kids, and the day is not something enjoyed by most. I began to argue the same points I did before, and actually admitted to telling my kids not to go, and how horrible it is. "don't say that, it doesn't suck!" states Brenda.

I'm really sick of her and Amy(my other leader). They just are yellers, about anything. We could be in the classroom, and they think they have the yell! I know I'm tired of it, and pretty sure Collin is on the verge of feeling the same way. It really makes me wish I didn't come back to do this job. I really want to see if I can do evaluations, I haven't had one in the last five years, but I really think they need one, and it won't hurt for me to see where I'm currently standing. I like critiques, and if there is something I can change, I need to know about it some how.

But I finally was able to come home! Which to me, it's not really home anymore. Like I told Katie tonight at Bible Study, I don't see anyone at home, just my parents. Being home kinda helps with my day of chaos, but still I have another three weeks of it (thank God). Bible Study also helped quite a bit. I love how stirred my Spirit gets and the joy I feel with every discussion, but hated how tired I was by nine. I finally found a good church, but can't really be active in it. I hope to find one back in Flagstaff, and where ever else God takes me.

After church, I run home, and literally run into the house(had to pee). But once returning to my truck, since my Dad was concerned with my park job, I bump into someone I haven't talked to in 6 years. Briana, who I have known since we were four, and we're best friends until eighth grade. She and her mom were walking the dog, and called me out. We did a little catching up, along with me being in such shock of how big she is. She's two days late with her pregnancy, and she's a tiny girl. It felt good to talk to her and her mom, and made me think of when we were little. But I'll go visit again soon, especially if the baby will be here soon.

And then a phone call...a good one; actually a great one. I'm definitely really happy right now.

But a last, it's midnight, and I have work tomorrow...Please pray for me, and my patience.

Going to Play-offs...why do I feel guilty?

So Collin(colon as the kids call him) and I took four kids today to kickball. Yes, I said four. We teamed up with another school, which the could only round up three, and did our best to defend my honor. We actually did good with our luck seven against the multitude of twelve. The final score was 24-17 after five innings, and they didn't even get last ups. But I guess since our grouping only had two teams out of the four, we automatically go to play-offs. I really hope that's the reason, and not because of who I am.

I'm know throughout the program as Ashley(known me since I was six) and Tony's(known me since I was eight) Daughter. As the story was told my first year being on the payroll, "they took a little bit of Ashley, a little bit of Tony, put it in a bottle, shook it up and got this! Why else would she have a black girl's booty and be white?" Yes I have very good genes, at least from my bio-parents. But due to my Rec-Parents, and my networking throughout the last 17 years, I get favored. Not always, but I do notice things...I'm not Blind. I just hope I'm wrong.

Thank God I have tomorrow off! It's only been two days, but I was done at like 9am this morning. I can't wait for this program to be over. I have good kids, but with the good come the bad...

Ratatouille...is Delicious

Wow the day went by FAST! Faster than the Flash...ok enough with my infatuation with DC comics...for now.

Work was super busy today, yes it's always busy, but not like this. Like I stated before, we had a field trip to the movies, and due to the time in which the movie started, we weren't going to leave until after lunch. The whole time prior it was...What time is? Is it time to go? What movie are we seeing? What bus are we taking? Where's the bus? Can I have my snack money now? Where are we going?...I'm being serious. We took 32 kids today, THIRTY-TWO! And when one question was asked, every kid asked it! I got really tired of it, and so did Brenda(my leader). I try telling the kids not to worry about what time, or bus, or even when we are going, they aren't going to get left behind.

The movie was actually nice. Minus having to take the same little girl to the bathroom about six total times during the movie. And all the kids seem to enjoy it, and no one fell asleep this time, or admitted to it yet. I would go see it again, given the chance...but transformers comes out in two days!

Tomorrow is Rookie Kickball...time to defend my two year title! Actually, I just want the kids to have fun, and I'm gonna give them a pizza party for participating in the event. I mean, a week isn't enough time to train a winning team consisting of Kindergarten, first, and second graders. Plus, I'm teaming up with another school for the second time in the past three years. Eh, it's with Yvette(I worked with her about 5 years ago), and she loves me!

Today was another reminder as to how much I really love my family...PAUL YOU ARE Hilarious! I hope I never forget what you said to me about 20 minutes ago!

Just as I was leaving...

I had a bit of time before leaving for work, so I thought I would sit here and ramble my thoughts a bit...

I'm going on week two of the five that involve this LBUSD: Underwater Adventure, and I'm starting to feel burned out I guess. I mean, I love the job and being with the kids, but this year, they are just crazy, and the people I'm working with are not that experienced. Collin and I are the two Aides, though Katherine is an ROP Aide. She just hangs out with one group of kids, which one of the older ones, she goes to school with. But we have like 50 kids everyday, which isn't much, but I'm considering her as one of them. Then there is my two leaders, Brenda and Amy. They too aren't that experienced, but Mann is Amy's school during the school year, so that's a big plus. But then again, this is Amy's second year with Summer Rec and she told us she's only going on two field trips...TWO! So far, Collin and I have been on all of them. Yes we've only had two, but we are going to one today we weren't even desiring to go on, and we're told to bring ten bucks for the trip. Why am I gonna pay for a field trip that I didn't want to go on? I should have turned my stuff in early, and then I would be with Urias and Linda at Monroe.

I had yet another busy weekend. Saturday I went to the LA Zoo with the Luster's (Charlie, Retah, Bo, Samuel and James) and Brian (Rhonda's Future Husband). I couldn't believe how hot it was there. I basically poured my water bottle all over myself just to keep cool. Yea a lot of people stared at me while I did it, but not like I was wearing a light colored shirt. Come on, I went to the Zoo wearing my black "i love bo duke'' shirt, which wasn't that smart, but I wanted to show Charlie. It was fun hanging out with my nephews and talking with my sister. I think next weekend I'll go stay with them, if things go accordingly. Samuel kept asking, "you come to my house?" He's almost three, and hard to tell him 'no' when it comes to things like that, but at least he understands when you say it.

Rhonda and Brian I guess picked a date, but I'm not so sure I have the right to blast it over the internet. My mom is kinda worried about it conflicting with my current plans for Spring Break. I think break is actually the week before, but I could be wrong. And my current plans are still in the making, since Gabe and I just talked about it two weeks ago. And March is like more than six months away...wow I'll be almost done by then.

I was talking to someone the other night, and they made me think about something. They were discussing how they had this plan, seven year plan, from when they were in high school. What they needed to complete both educationally and socially within these seven years to be able to have the things he wanted when it came to the end of those seven years. But he's realizing that he has to back track and start over, completely over, and some of those things aren't gonna be there now. "the mrs. won't get to see the house i spent 16 years of my life in.'' Made me think of my own life...how people are gone and some are on the verge of leaving me. How silly things from my childhood won't be shared with the person I settle down with. But those are just things, and yes they will be missed, but they will still be shared, just not to the same degree. I often think about how my Grandma might not be there to put her pearls around my neck on my wedding day or have her cake topper on the second tier of my cake...

I've been writing in my journal a lot lately, more than usual. Why do I keep a journal? I like to write, and can express more when I do write. Plus I've been keeping some type of journal since elementary school, which is kinda weird, but I did it. Also, I like to look back, and see who I was back then, if anything changed that is. Kinda like re-evaluating my life, or time traveling. But my past is my past, and I'm looking onward to the future, where ever God takes me...or a boy. HA!