Maybe I Should Wait...

After my Committee meeting on Tuesday, I got the impression I need to work more before developing my portfolio before applying to Grad School. Means I loose work to put in it, but most of the work I have right now (minus my show pieces) really don't go together, or express what I like doing. Plus, Dave thinks I should get into book Binding, or at least stick around and produce something for my portfolio. So I think I might take the year off, work on pieces here at NAU and where ever I end up over the Summer, then apply to Grad School for Fall 2010.

Oh I passed by the way! I'm completely done with my Undergrad, Graduating next Friday, and then just working for awhile before Christmas... It's weird, cause I have nothing to do now...

Grad Applications...

I figure if I don't get into Texas, I'm taking a year off to build my portfolio up big time. I'm still going to apply, along with some other places, but Texas seems to be the better option. They are Ranked 15 in the Nation for their overall MFA Program, and 11th for just Printmaking. They have more instructors who focus more on Lithography, and I really like Intaglio better. Their facility is awesome, even though they only admit 10 people per area. But I can do this.... Right?

What to do...

So my show was Friday, and it went really well. Wasn't exactly how I dreamed it, but it was still a great set-up and family time. I'm really thankful for all my family that came out, and those that helped, especially Jason.

But now, I don't know what to really do with myself. I know I should just get back in the shop and work on my announcements... or even my portfolio, since one is due Jan 6th...

So close but so far away...

So in 12 hours, I'll be back in the Gallery finally setting up everything... A little last minute, maybe. But the set up shouldn't take more than like 3 hours max, and that's giving me a lot of breathing room. My Images look amazing, and I'm thankful that Julie was able to matt and frame all my pieces for me, that look really awesome. I'm excited that this is it, and I'm also excited to move on to something else, like VISCOSITY! I love doing those, even though it's indescribably hardcore. But Intaglio is my love or at least I'm trying to make it my lover.

I still have to finish Pulling my announcements. I only printed twelve this week, and that was on Tuesday. Hopefully I can get them all done by next weekend, and I mean mailed and everything.

Well I should try to go to bed... Long day tomorrow.

I have never felt so DUMB!

So I'm two days away... TWO! And I get told that I have to paint my two walls by Thursday!?! Why do I have to do it, you have a Manager for Gallery, and why TWO DAYS before!?! This whole department is Crap!

Also, what I thought would be a simple task destroyed my day... So I'm trying to build something that resembles a front yard or so, so I needed a sidewalk... Who knew I was going to need 64 bags of concrete to just make eight 4x4 squares? So that's out and I still have nothing done except that Julie (my teacher's wife) is doing my matting and framing for 50 bucks! Even cleaning the glass and putting wire on it! So hopefully I can find a solution tomorrow with the help of the Groundies or even John and his prop/set design skills. If you have any ideas please let me know!

I'm excited though to see family in the next few days... Just wished some where coming that couldn't make it for whatever reason...

A week away

I'm getting nervous about my show, and the prep I still have to do for it. I still need to order Frames, but Dave keeps forgetting the Catalog to White Mountain, and they don't seem to have a website. But my postcards did come, and they look pretty good. I think I'll just start building my prop on Monday, that way I can just leave it in the Gallery and not have to try moving it from one place to another...

Being done with school in about two weeks is kinda odd for me. Yes, there is still a month to go before Graduation, but I'm technically done after my show and final Committee Meeting. I think I'll only be taking a PE class next semester so I can work, but was asked to be the Shop Monkey as well. "That way you don't have to take a class."

I'm at work, really not wanting to be here at work... With a break in the middle of the week, yesterday, it's hard to get back into things, even though it was just a day...

My iPod is broke. I even tried restoring it, which looked promising until it made my computer crash. I tired it at work too, and it crashed as well. This sucks!

I've thrown away 5 editions as of tonight... What a lot of wasted paper... But I feel better, and will probably have seven images total by this weekend! Tomorrow I'm going to finish printing the outside, still have to figure out the inside. Might be printing like 300 hundred of these, just to help a friend out. I should sell them...

After going home, I still might be planning on going home in a few weeks, except I have work on the 15th. Gym Class Heroes and their stupid rider that is a page long, and they aren't even bring their bus, so I don't know where they are putting all this crap. I hope it shrinks down a bit, just so that Rachel (my boss) doesn't have to buy a lot of it.

Well I'm going to bed cause it's almost Midnight...

So I voted... it only took 5 hours in line on Sunday, and a thousand mile drive to and fro.

Do I Get a Fattened Calf?

I cried as I drove home tonight from the shop because of one simple phrase that I have heard over and over in my life time... The Prodigal Son. Lately I've been listening to the Christian station here in Flagstaff, mostly because of the songs lately. But tonight, I get in, and there's a this British guy (last name Parson?) talking about his life in relation to being a prodigal son or carrying the prodigal burden of others. When he said the "Prodigal Son" I thought about what I know from the Bible about that parable, and what it's about... I realized that I was the "son" turning home... I'm ready to come back to God and do his work. I haven't been going to church since August I believe, my excuse is my show, so I go to the shop early and don't leave until the evening. I'm going Sunday, not because I'm almost done with my show (i wish), but because I want to be in the presence of God, and worship. I'm grateful for His little hints to me, though I don't always see them like I should... That will change.

I, along with Jason, have been stressed out so much this semester, more him than me. I'm not good about my stress, and just want people to take care of it for me in some cases. Lately, I have decided to take care of it on my own. Already I feel better by writing in my personal journal and talking to God more. I've tried readying my Bible, but I'm not even sure where to start. I started reading verses from emails I get from Belief Net, but still feel a bit empty or lost with those. I'm going to start my Experiencing God book again, even though I probably need a small group to discuss it. Oh well.

This helped me a bit just now - Jesus Christ actually affirmed that your life would be burdened by stress; not exactly an encouraging word. But His statement was also punctuated with a promise of hope in John 16:33. “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I miss home, but I'll see everyone soon. I love you all and miss you so much!

WHA?

Who would have known...

Why do announcements have to be so confusing and expensive!?! According to the list Rhonda gave me, there are 60 people alone on that list, and I have at least 20 other people just from work and my social life that I want to announce to. So how many is too many.... I'm trying to think about how many I ordered when I was in high school, and I still have left overs from then. And do I really need the fancy thank you cards with the seal on them? I'm really sweating this right now, but I don't know what else to do. I can spend $300 and get 50 Announcements, Thank You Notes, Envelope Seals and Tissue Inserts, plus 60 address labels, and one Announcement Cover(which I'm not even sure what it's for). But is it worth that much, and I would have to order more just to get 60. Maybe I should just ask one of the Advertisers to Design it for me, but that makes me feel guilty about using up their free time to do me a favor... PLEASE HELP! I added 25 of each on to the order and now it's $450!

So my show is barely getting started right now, or appears that way. My first image got messed up, all because I forgot one step, so it got dark on me. Then my second image's registration got goofy, so I trashed it too. Now I'm starting to print the third color of my third image, the 2nd of my 4th, and hopefully the first of my 5th. By next week I should have three done, if not more. I'm going to do at least 6 images total, unless I go overboard with the colors. I'm trying really hard to keep it simple, but less isn't always more...

Drum roll please...

So my show is November 21, 2008 at Beasley Gallery, and will hang for 4 weeks! I'm so excited to finally find out! I made my calendar schedule so I stay on track, and I should have a minium of 8 images by November 1st! Just giving a heads up....

Still Not Finalized

So today I finally had that meeting I've been waiting for two weeks now, only to still be left hanging. I finally met about my Show Date only to find out that my department sucks major balls. Not only does the "Advisor" for the Capstone class come almost 30 minutes late to his own meeting, he tells us (being only 3 people) that he doesn't know if there are more people from two other emphasis. So I'm on the back burner still it seems. It would be nice to have my show only with two other people, one being a painter and the other a jeweler, but it also means one show for the semester and that it would be left up for about a month. At least I know there will be a high possibility that my show will be on November 21, 2008, unless more people join the mix then there is the chance it will be on December 5th, 2008. Either way, I want it done and I feel ready, even after hearing how behind the two others are in obtaining their committee members and show theme. I've had a whole semester to think about mine and have already been talking to my three members since the end of last semester as well. I guess I'm just more prepared than those around me.

One week gone, and I'm already behind...

Or at least that's how I feel right now. I have only met for my classes twice thus far, and I feel so behind... I think I'm stressing too much about my show, or who will be there, or if I'm the only one graduating in the whole department. Many people are saying "that would be cool to show by yourself, and have the whole gallery to yourself," but that's more pressure on me, or at least feels like it at this point. I want my degree really, really bad right now, but it almost looks like I should wait until the Spring. But family has already gotten days off, or plans are in the process of being settled... I feel like I'm going to make myself so sick I won't get anything done.

I've begun, or at least tried to, looking at announcements and rings. I'm not sure I want a ring, but I didn't get one in high school for whatever reason, but is it worth it to get one for NAU? Yes, I've been attending NAU for 4.5 years now, and could get two degrees if I really wanted to, but would I wear it or be proud of it?

I just got back from California, for my brother's wedding... It went by so fast, and I was so exhausted from getting off the train just hours before the start. But it was good to see family, even the extended ones. Made me miss home even more. It was also good to hear that my family really does like Jason, including my parents, and just talking with Rhonda and Brian as we pigged the apartment.

Jason and I went through El Cajon on our little adventure through California a few weeks back, even though he didn't want to have to drive back to PHX on the boring ol' I-8. Just spending the equivalent of 2 days there with Rhonda and Brian hooked Jason on moving there. I have never thought about living South of Long Beach, only North closer to the Lusters and Eberhardts. But if Jason got a job in LA, even if it was getting coffee for dudes at KROQ (joking), he could just take the train from SD to LA and back. He's already been looking at houses in Lemon Grove, which is like 15 minutes from my Bennett family. And trying to get me to apply at SDSU, which does have an MFA program, but I haven't researched further. I keep telling him to talk to God about it, cause I don't have the answers, and to realize that he has a year and no job when he gets to CA right now. Yeah, a $1200 a month mortgage is great, but where's it gonna come from? Plus my research process in Grad Schools has declined with work and now school. I guess that's gonna have to be my weekend job.

Plain and Simple.... I'm Mad

Well, I'm in California, and my Mom just basically told me that there is no point in coming home. I'm in Santa Barbara with Jason, expecting to go down tomorrow to the LB, and she tells me this. I know I'm not alone, but I feel like it. I want my family right now, and it kinda feels like high school where they are too busy for me. Makes me wonder if my Senior Show is important enough for them to come and support me... I don't care to walk, I care if you are there when I make the speech...

And I know, everyone has a life now...

I'm so greatful right now. David, my advisor, gave me the Shop Assistant postion! Yeah, it's not a lot of money, I mean I'll get maybe 10 extra hours a week, but added to what I prospect for next Fall, I'll only have 18 hours in the SUN office due to classes, so it almost puts me at 30 hours a week, which would be nice. I mean, I can't work over thirty during the semester anyway, right? Ok, there are exceptions, like the Dome show last semester, but those are rare...

I've been thinking of about Grad School at lot lately, mostly worrying about if I'll actually get an internship somewhere that will help pay for some of my schooling. I've been trying to do research online through many search engines, and even think I might just look at each college in each state and see if they even have a program for Printmaking. But for I can even think about submitting applications, I have to do my show, which is another worry on my list. I think I have narrowed it down... but I still have to work out somethings.

Hopefully I get to go home before all the craziness starts over here with the concert. But with my current bills and things are making that decision almost seem impossible....

PS. JuiceBar... If you read this anymore. Only your "friends" can comment on your blog, not random readers... Maybe look into getting a blogspot if you want feed back.

Wish I could have stayed longer...

I already want to go back to California... Our trip was too short, but worth it. Spent time with my nephew Paul, made three different ice creams(well my siblings did), laughed with my parents on the porch, and tickled my nephew James. I think we are planing to go out there again in about a month.

Work is starting to suck even more. I left today after 4 hours of being there, even though I should have stayed longer, I need the hours.

I'll post pictures later, since I've been taking them but not uploading them off of my camera... Sorry.

Looking for Empolyment?

My hours have been cut... GREAT! Now I've been told that I don't have enough to do to get the hours I need/want. I've been cut down to 25-30 hours a week. I keep dwelling on the fact that I was told I would be getting 40 this Summer working Grounds, only to be told that they decided to put me in the office doing nothing. Yes, there is prospect in the future, ie. working the front desk once we move, but that's not happening anytime soon, and doubt I'll even be doing that. I've been thinking of getting a different job, even though my current one is so flexible around my school schedule. But then again, the Print Shop needs a Shop Assistant, and I'm going to be in there all the time anyway, why not get paid for it, right? I should go fill out my Federal Work Study Papers and talk to Dave more...

Leaving Friday!

I'm so excited to be going home... Well it's not exactly home, but my family will be there. I really wish I could be there right now, but we still have to head to Phoenix first, but at least we just have to shoot across the I-40 on the way back. I can't wait to have a crank off, and actually make three kinds of ice cream.

Just when I think work is getting better... I'm sorry no wants to be in your crappy Gallery that no one walks through, but don't lie to me about what's currently in there, I talked to the artist yesterday... I never asked, or was explained to, about the gallery and it's procedures. Now I can't think of anything to write, or even what I was going to...

So I've been asked by a few people these past two weeks as to when I was planning a trip back to the LB? Well I wasn't planning on being home this Summer. Yes, I'm coming to California in two weeks or so, but that is for Family, and I won't even be in Long Beach. As much as I would like to come home, right now I can't fit in a time to do so. Plus, with the cost of things (the train to Victorville alone is 200 busk), I don't see it happening anytime soon. I'm gonna try to come out for Labor day, for the boys' birthdays...

And I'm bummed right now, cause Jason is still in Fresno. He went to Promise Keepers with Church, and told me that it ended at 1pm today, but he just called that they are barely to Bakersfield. "It ran until 4pm, so we won't be back until about 2am." It kinda makes me mad, but I can't do anything about it. I was hoping they go back early enough that he and I could actually hang out a bit, guess not. And I really could us the help with Gracie, his new Cattahoula puppy...
Work is going ok, minus the fact that this next week, I'm gonna have to find some way to keep busy to keep my hours. But then again I'm growing tried of working there, seeing the same people everyday, and hearing the same complaints over and over. I get it ZJ, you want to control everything, even how people think for themselves. I mean this last week I only worked 29 hours because I wanted to. I think I'm only going to strive for 32 max, that's four 8hour days a week. Sounds good to me right now.

We got a roommate! I'm so excited and a bit sad. I'm grateful that God handled the situation, and I hope she fits in just right with us, but I'm concerned with how my roommates are currently swindling her. The room is 550/month, plus utilities(add about an extra 70 bucks). I had to pay that last month, which I didn't see how it was fair after discussing it with Jason a bit. That's 200 more for just having your own bath and a slightly larger closet. Jen's response to me chipping in more to lower the rate of the Master was, "But that's like your own little place down there, you know? And what did you post the rent as?" That just made me mad a bit, was she thinking like that when I moved down there? Why can't we help someone out, even when we know we can afford an extra 25 bucks a month?

Work is starting to drag on me, and it's mostly the people here. Like I said, I feel as if I was dealt an unfair hand in this game, but I'm working. I'm finding it hard to stay busy at times, but this week the only days I will have down time are Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Yea, three of the five days I work this week. Yes, I'm probably going to wear myself out today and Thursday, but I'm trying to make it so that I have time to help Jason with his new puppy.

I just need to go home...

A lot has been going on especially lately. I just spent last week moving our office, even though our new office is still occupied by it's current residences. My hours weren't cut. YAY! I just have to make sure I don't go over 40 each week, even though I did last week, but I've been told it's cool.
I'm also feeling a bit better about not having to be outside on Grounds Crew, mostly because the people involved this Summer are slackers and kinda dumb. Not all of them, but I just would rather not be hanging out with them 8 hours a day. I've also taken on some extra hours, so that I'm more active at work.

Jason moved closer to church, which means he's farther from my house. But he likes it there, and is happy that the kitchen is bigger.

As Church goes, we only went to Sunday school since Jason had to work at 11am, but we were there long enough to plan a Young Adult bowling day on Saturday. I hope it's a go cause we couldn't last week because of some pro bowling tournament at the only bowling alley in Flagstaff. I haven't done the bulletin in two weeks, mostly because I quit asking for the information. Especially since I just cause people grief, stupid Penny. It felt so good not to have that on my plate for the few weeks that I haven't done it. It's always incomplete, lack of info from Pastor and the congregation, which just makes me look dumb, or at least I feel that way. I also feel like people don't like the new lay out, even though nothing has really changed. It opens the same way, I just have allowed to words to songs be on an insert rather than take up space on the first page. I haven't told the Pastor yet that I'm not interested in doing it anymore, plus I don't have access to the computer I was using.

I've moved again, but it's only up stairs. Since Janice bailed on us, and I've been the only one looking for a replacement, I decided to take my old room back and pay less. Well I'm going to pay at least 25 bucks more than the other rooms cause I don't think it's fair for someone to pay 200 bucks more than everyone else just because they have a bathroom and larger closet. I'll at least cut about 25 bucks more out of the rent for the Master. Jason thinks I should just move out all together since the other two don't really help with the upkeep of the house or care about looking for a roommate.

I'm suppose to be writing a paper, I haven't even started and it's due tonight....

Why am I angry?

Well I guess I won't be out in the sunshine this Summer. I'm currently helping with the changes and cleaning in my office, which is moving at the end of this month, then being a receptionist for the remainder of the Summer, with a slight pay raise. I really wish it was more, but can't really do anything about it until after July 1st.

I went to church today, and all I did was get angry. I've been working on a new bulletin for Greenlaw, since they have been using just MS Word to produce one. So I've been using InDesign at work, off hours, and designed what I think is a pretty good start, which has just caused me issues with the church and mostly my Pastor. He has told me that he would get me all the information for upcoming events for the next three months, plus all the info needed for each week. NOT! But I've dealt with it, not always in a good manner once discussing it with Jason, but I've done my best to please, but some of his choices are just impractical. Not every space needs filled, it's ok to leave so white areas, it's ok to not list everything such as Piano, the first verse of a song that is out of the Hymnal. I've been praying that God help me with this task, but I'm starting to feel like it's not one I should have taken on. I've already gotten negative reaction from one of the staff members, indirectly, which was not expected.

So I finished the bulletin, and emailed it to Pastor for any corrections before it went to print. Of course his email doesn't work, like aways, so we drop off a hard copy at the church. He calls Jason, why, I don't know. I've misspelled the Special Guests name, and a few words in the insert, ok, not the end of the world. So we fix it, and email it to him so he can get it printed at Kinko's (since the church copier doesn't like the gradation of the images). Of course he doesn't email me back, and doesn't call me to let me know he was unable to go get the copies done. So he calls Jason, Saturday a little after 2pm, and ask that we get it done. Jason got off at 5pm, we go to Kinko's, which apparently in Flagstaff, it closes at 1pm. Along with Staples and Office Max! The only other place I could think of to copy them off at is at work, so I begged my good friend to let me in to do so. 30 minutes later I got the bulletins done, all 130 of them. I didn't do the insert because he stated to Jason that he would get them done at church. So I folded all 130, and brought them to church this morning, and waited patiently for Pastor to show, so I can hand them off and go to Sunday School. While in class, he comes in, "do you have the insert?" I wanted to cry! "You don't have the master?" I emailed it to him to his WIFE's address like he asked, and stated that the insert could be done at church to save money. Jason and I walk into the sanctuary, and open up the bulletin. Two pieces of paper fall out, one of which is an old draft of the insert I made(with the errors), the other one he just did with more information he "forgot" to let me in on. So not only does he not pay attention, he wasted his time and money on an extra sheet that just makes the whole thing feel weird for some reason. Like it's chaos, not nicely organized. Jason told him that there was an updated one, which he stated he couldn't find...

I haven't talked to Ted or Fannie about taking on the position of Publicity Coordinator, mostly because of how the production of this bulletin has been so stressful. I think if I do take on this position, I can find support from the other staff members and less from Pastor. I also don't want to commit to everything that was stated in the position, mostly be cause I have little to no time once school starts up again. I just need to schedule a meeting with both Ted and Fannie this week, if possible.

I'm starting to not like going there. I feel as if the pastor is killing is own church off. He went to seminary at New Orleans, and emphasized in Methodology, which isn't helping us grow. Am I a bad Christian for feeling this way? Jason doesn't want to leave until he finishes FAITH and Experiencing God, which is fine, but I just can't handle this anymore.

Ever since we went to what I thought was Bible Study on Wednesday, and got annoyed at how Pastor uses a PA System for 10 people, and how it wasn't a bible study, it was just a repeat of Experiencing God, I wanted to leave after only being there for 20 minutes. What did I do after those twenty minutes, sat there while Pastor went over the prayer list, and asked if anyone new or wanted to pray for that person he was currently talking about, and then we would pray, only to go back in to conversation about someone else needing someone there to pray for them and praying again, for a FULL HOUR we did this! I'm sorry but that is really, REALLY, LAME! You have bible study to study the Word, and learn more about what God has in stored for you, not to spend only 15 minutes in it, then individually pray for each person for an hour, while you stand in front of a mic for 10 people that can hear you perfectly.

It seems really backwards to me, which I'm not even sure that is the correct term to use. I also don't like how for today's sermon, was a former Mormon talking about his testimony and nothing about GOD. That's fine, I like having people come in and talk, but when it's Worship, it needs to be Worship. Not a power point of how you grew up in a horrible family and got caught up in Mormonism (which you're going to explain again tonight at 5:30pm).

I feel like I need to say something, but I don't think Pastor cares for what comes out of my mouth. Maybe I'm not on his level, since he calls Jason in regards to the bulletin, rather than me. I really don't know what to do at this point, but try my best to get through it and hope God works through me to help, if I'm suppose to.

We'll I' m back, but once I get home, I get bad news. I knew that one of my roommates was already leaving this Summer since she graduated last week. And the plan was to find a new roommate... NOW the situation is that two are leaving, one of which is leaving tonight, after lying to me last week. I feel betrayed, but getting over that fairly easily. But now that puts me and Jamie in a tough spot. We both want to stay, and we both don't want to live with boys of couples, but need two roommates fairly soon... Please pray for me...

less than 48 hours

I leave tomorrow, but still have to fix my ticket(thanks Retah). I have one edition left, and looking back on what I did this semester, it had to be my worse for Printmaking. I mean I'll have eight editions, but out of all of them, I only see one being successful, and it was an accident. Yes, I procrastinated big time, by going to work to make money rather than work on my life's work. I feel kinda dumb, cause this was because of me, no one else, thus I'm not complaining about work, but about how I just wasn't focused. I'm really scared I will get a bad grade, but my prints look bad. I just want to burn them, and worry about the waste of money that was spent on supplies and time. Yes, I said time. I was told over two years ago that I should think about how much my work is, not to make a profit, but to evaluate MY cost. I'm also really scared cause of the fact that I won't be back from California until after my crit. Maybe I should ask for an Incomplete...

I am do to graduate, finally, this Fall. I still have to turn in papers, but I'll do that the week I'm back. But now I'm stressing about my work for next fall. There is two ways I want to go about my capstone, one I got all yes' on, but the other had mixed feelings from my peers. I think they both are equal work, but it's my show, and I want it to be more than just things on the wall, if they even go on the wall...

I met with my Pastor yesterday about the current bulletin I've created for Greenlaw, which I'm starting to realize how far they are behind everyone else. I'm not sure does the website, but it needs a big boost. He really likes hanging out with us young folk, ie Jason and I, I think it takes him back to when he was in college. He makes me want to learn more about being a Christian, though he's a bit pushy. May I will get my Theology Degree... Also, after talking to him, I may take the Publicity position, which he said he would help me out a lot with that, along with Jason. Pastor already does a lot of the stuff, so it would be like I just got dropped into it. I still have to let Ted know, since he's on the staffing committee or something like that. I hope it fits in my life, or should I say in what God has planned for me.

I realized this morning that I have a lot on my plate, and just keep piling on the sides. I'm going home, and for a week. Why a week? Cause the Service is on the fifth, the Viewing the day before, and my sister is due on the 12th. Also, because I have only one critique next week, which it will be the day after the funeral. So I'm staying until my sister pops, so that she has someone to watch the boys and not have to wait 2-6 hours for them to come. Yes, I was a back up, and boy would that have been crazy!

So because of my leaving, which it wouldn't be that much different if I stayed, just would have had two extra days, I have to get two portfolios done by Saturday. This includes all my jewelry piece, which are due this Thursday, since Joe does critique during Reading Week. Which I finished my last project yesterday in class. But now I have to print five editions! This includes a Relief block, my Intaglio, and three to four litho stones. No I have not been lazy this semester, just stuck on a lot of things. One of the current editions wasn't even what I wanted it to be, but had no more time to mess around with it... Oh well, I'll get it done.

Also, as of yesterday, I have committed to two things at church, and the pastor is pushing for more. We were suppose to meet about the bulletin I made last week, and he was suppose to make revisions, especially when it had a lot of guessing involved. But do to his current time flick, I was just handed information about the remaining bulletins for May. This is fine, and what I wanted to do, but I also realized as of yesterday as well, that I will not be here for the next two. Yes, I can get them done, just simple swap outs, but it lacks information. The pastor wants us to grow in the church, but it's more like he wants us to be the church. He asked us, Jason and I, to be on the Vision Team. Jason has only been a member since the start of May, and a Christian since February. As for myself, I've battled against myself for years when it came to my walk, and am finally getting to understand what He wants and is doing in my life, but I have barely moved my Letter over to Greenlaw(3 weeks). And to be on a "Committee" when the both of us are so young, at least to the reminder of church family, is a bit weird to me.

Then take me out...

Gregg’s Angry Blog

Nothing fancy here...just the truth and how I feel. I am perhaps one of the luckiest men on this great earth. I have a wonderful, caring, loving, and talented wife and two awesome daughters. Thank you God for the great gifts that you have bestowed upon me!!! What really troubles me is other people's attitudes towards my family and I. About 4 years ago, we (Rebecca and I) decided as a couple, team, and partnership that it would be in our best interest that we moved to South Carolina. We were attempting to salvage what little bit of family that I have as well as pursue other areas in which to raise our soon coming family. I knew then and have always known that this was a sore spot for many in the family but the question is why? I'll tell you...because we were doing what was right for us and that wasn't convenient for your selfish little world. Over the years that I have been alive, I have watched many dear friends of mine move on to other parts of the country and world and have assisted most of them in packing. Always parting ways with a warm embrace. Many have lost touch over the years and thats ok with me...it happens. Some, I still keep in touch with and am just as fond of them today as I was 10 years ago. I don't fear that my distance from them will cause me to love them less. Take my friend Mike. We were on a Special Forces team together. We can go for years without speaking only to meet and continue the same conversation with the same brotherly love and affection just as if time stood still for us. Maybe that makes us different than some out there. I don't know. What I do know is that the move that we made years ago did not involve you or anyone else. It was for us as a family and it was the correct choice. Not only is our family stronger and closer now, but we are also more prosperous as well. That move was successful for us but you couldn't be happy for us only self centered and hateful. Your selfishness not only hurts me but more importantly, it hurts my wife who is the center of my world. By the way, I take your attacks on her as personal attacks aimed at me. I am not being quiet about it anymore. Let me hear one more snide little remark and I will confront you openly and in person. Why am I so angry you may be asking? Well, I will tell you. My wife is the most loving and caring person that I have ever met. You would do well to thank the Almighty to be related to her or to know her for that is a truly blessing. You don't though. Nope. You only ridicule her and myself and speak of her with ill report. I won't stand for it anymore and I dare any to confront me on this. This anger has come about from the years of biting my tongue while knowing that your smiling face was false and hearing your little remarks second hand. Such childish behavior. This last trip was the one though. I want to thank you for such a memorable time. We spent our hard earned money to come and see you, to be a part of a family event, but most importantly, we came to see GRANDMA!! We have known that she wasn't well and we saw this as an opportunity to see her perhaps for the last time. We sure hoped that wasn't the case but unfortunately it was. We had also decided, as a family, about a year ago that we would move back to Las Vegas in order to be closer to family and friends. See, South Carolina has been very good to us with regards to employment opportunities and has brought us closer together but the main reason why we moved just didn't work out and we have grown to feel that it was time to come back to where we both feel that we belong. We had to wait though because I have been busting my butt working on my BS degree through a Veteran's program which was intended to and is presenting better opportunities for the family. (Becca, I couldn't have done it without you!!!) Now the time is right for us to move and we are doing so. So any rate, we came out there with a full agenda planned...not really a vacation at all mind you. 1. See Grandma 2. Attend a wedding 3. See friends in Las Vegas 4. Attend job interviews What you people don't understand is that number freakin' 3 is very important to me. Remember, my family outside of Becca and the girls has deteriorated to just my brother and me. Friendship is very important to me as my friends are my family. Mike Torres...Special Forces teammate and brother. (you wouldn't understand because you've never been in that world and you have probably never had to depend on someone with your very life) Dave Thompson...my iron worker and motorcycle riding brother (he has always been there for me and the family in more ways that you'll ever understand) Kacy Coleman...he's putting me up in his condo until the house sells and I can reunite with Becca and the girls. (I had to practically break his arm to make him let me pay rent) Kathleen Dibble...She and Rebecca go so far back and Kathleen has done so much for us I feel obligated to re-landscape her back yard for her as a show of gratitude and love. By the way, when we decided to move to the east coast, these people were not happy about it, but they were a heck of a lot more supportive than you. This is why we were on a tight time line when we came to California. You are not the only person in our lives and we were trying to get a lot done and see a lot of people in a short amount of time. Like trying to get a job so we could move back to Las Vegas and be closer to you and our friends again. All in all, I think that we were being pretty giving but there again, you can't see past your own greed. Also, I'd like to add that we paid for this on our own dime and it wasn't cheap. Also, we were using our vacation time which we could have saved and used to take a real family vacation to some place fun for the family. You know, a simple thank you or a genuine statement that you were happy to see us would have been nice. Like that would really happen. No, instead, we were so warmly greeted with blank faces ignoring our presence. You wonder why I looked like a sour puss? I really just wasn't feeling the love from you. I will tell you who I really enjoyed seeing...aside from Grandma...Rachael, David, and their boy, Paul. Thank you guys for hanging with me and the great conversation. It really made the day fun for me. Also, getting to know some of the extended family that I never had the opportunity to talk to in the past was really cool. But you, and you know who you are, really let me down this time and it hurt. My feelings aside, it hurt my wife and I reiterate what I wrote above with the emphasis that you do not want that. This is not some sort of tough guy threat mind you. This is a fact that if you continue with your selfish ways and continue to nit-pick and back-stab, you will only be hurting yourself in the long run because eventually you will be written out of our lives just as my own mother has been after the devastating attacks on us that she did. Lies by the way so you can stop with all that BS too. We (Becca and I) are a team and we love each other. We do well together and won't let anything jeopardize that. Try to look at the big picture next time. You can either be a part of the fun or you can take your ball and get out of our yard. Is that clear enough for you?

One last thing. This isn't aimed at one person but rather several and I am not listing names in an attempt to be civil but in the future, I will call you out by name regardless of who you think you are...face to face. -GM

I think I'm responsible for this one. Mostly because I was highly upset about something I saw prior to all of this family drama. I saw how my sister would rather be with those that just tell her she's doing no wrong, than those that want to see the real sister, not the one that tells half trues. I love my sister, my brother and my two nieces, though I RARELY see them. I mean I rarely talk them, and it hurts to get a phone call from my niece and she asks for Kat. I'm glad that they have moved to South Carolina, and that it was a family decision, but I'm not happy about how they don't share with us, not that they did much before, what is going on?

I opened my mouth when I probably should have just bit my tongue, but I was hurting and not thinking. So now, my brother is attacking my family in full. Yes, my family would LOVE for everyone to be close, but they do realize(not always at first) that it's what GOD wants. But nobody hates for your doing so, and never did. Yes, you spent a lot of money to come out, and I'm sure the Bennett's and everyone else were happy to see you, but it was also a busy time. So I'm sorry you felt neglected, but I myself barely got to do anything for myself those few days Jason and I were their. He wanted to go to the beach, but instead he help my family get things going. I still feel bad that he didn't get to really do anything but work on a wedding. I'm glad you got to see Grandma and talk to her, because I didn't. I'm also glad you got to talk to family members that you don't normally talk to, for whatever reason. But to think, that we HATE or disagree with how you guys are doing in things is a bit drastic. We love you guys, but you don't allow yourselves to be open with us. I'm not saying tell us everything that is going on everyday, just stop with the lies.

One thing about our family is we critique each other, about everything, everyone outside notices it, but that's what we do. Not to hurt each other, but to bring attention to things that need to change. We are Critical because we love each other and want each other to succeed, not just in society, but mostly with GOD. And you both have been sliding for quite sometime... I worries me that you aren't saved...

This isn't meant to hurt you, or make you seem we don't care. You're family, and if you want me gone, take me out. It's not like I get them anyways...

I want one! they are so Cool!

She went home...

I just wanted to state how wonderful my family is. I realize that we don't talk as much as some, but we know we all love each other. They will always be there for me, and are my closest friends.

Why is it so hard to just trust God? I mean, He's in control, but I struggle so much to allow myself to just let Him work. I just found out today that a very important person in my life isn't doing so well, which is a bit of a given since she is almost 82, but it still brings sorrow to my heart. But God is in control right? Everything that will happen involving her is according to His plans. So if she goes home, I shouldn't be so upset about it... I can't change His course for her, but I can celebrate, when the time comes, her finally being home, and my excitement to go home myself. Right now I'm hurting for no reason, or at least something that has yet to happen, when I should just trust.

I kinda was saddened today when looking at something and it made me feel replaced. No, it's not by a boy, and it doesn't just effect me. I guess you would rather be with them anyway...

So my weeks are limited, not just with this semester, but I'm taking two Summer classes, and then next fall... it's coming up quick.

With Taxes being do, my hopes in fixing my truck are growing more and more. Especially with talks of the money I'll receive this Summer from the Government! Maybe I'll just put it away until I'm ready to start my studio... Which this would be amazing to have.... My Future Shop Equipment. I started looking at presses, drying racks and all kinds of things... I'm going to spend close to 20,000 dollars on just shop stuff alone. I think it will be worth it...

I made it back, and hopefully didn't overwhelm Jason too much with my family. I would totally would be overloaded when meeting a majority of my other's family, which was everyone, but two people, seriously. But he was there to help with anything... Labeling Cokes, putting up tents, even holding babies. I'm really grateful to have him in my life.

I've decided that there are really horrible people out there, and I hope my future children will never be considered that type. I don't understand how I get into these particular situations, but I do understand that they are a part of past bad choices. Guess I'm just gonna have to eat it and go on my way....

I'm not sure how long it's been since I posted last... I know it was before my Supervisor, Tom's, going away party. In which a blast from my recent past came, but I really didn't care, except everyone kept bring him up... Look, blah blah is here... did you see his new gf, Raylene? At least I have some good people within my circle of life. It did give a bit of an ego boost to hear that I'm not dense like her, and that I'm actually pretty, not plan. I know I've heard that before, and from his mouth, but his mouth also told me a lot of other things... OH WELL!

I'll be home in a few days...

I think learning, or teaching yourself, how to play the guitar is the hardest thing I have done in a LONG time. I consider myself musically talented, not a master, but easily able to pick up something either old or new. But I'm just not getting it right now. Yes, I could take into consideration that it maybe that I'm just too busy to sit and practice, but to me that's not a good excuse. I love music, and though I don't always sing in church, mostly cause I can't sing those high octaves, I enjoy the instrumental part. Some songs I don't even know the words, but can recognize them just with the beginning notes.

Yes, I've been extremely busy, and ready for a break, and I'm sorry for not talking to very many people. But I'm doing fine and enjoying my sanity. My prints are slowly becoming great images, which means I'm taking too long to do things. I'm not so sure about Bridget though, she makes me mad a lot of the time, but I try to just work and zone her out.

Work is consuming my other time for the most part. I'm actually considering leaving and working in a different department. I'm tired of the lack of people helping, and setting poor examples for others. I realize there is change going on, especially with Tom leaving in a few weeks.

I didn't think I would end my Friday afternoon with a phone call about a robbery. Well, I guess you can't really call it a robbery, when it hasn't been confirmed that anything has been taken. My Grandparents house was broken into recently, and the damage hasn't been completely evaluated. My sister Rhonda is the only one that stays there, since it's closer to the Zoo than our house, but she's not there everyday. I just hope nothing was taken... Those are my physical memories.

I'm grateful for this week being over. I've been so busy lately with work, but still have a lot going on in the near future. We just finished our last concert for this month, and our team was lacking big time. Don't get me wrong, it went as smooth as silk, which was a shocker, but our team was incomplete. People put themselves on the bench because they felt like it, not because they were injured. Seriously, I got popped in the face with some big ol' electric cable(which had metal threads), which cut the out and inside of my mouth, but I still worked 18 hours that day. Why? Cause it's my job, and I got checked out and was fine. But other people are putting these events on the back burner like it's handing out fliers and lacks importance. I realize we lack communication, especially within the two groups that exist in the office at this very moment, but that's not my fault. I'm just grateful that TC got pissed off enough that we are actually having a concrete meeting on Monday, and they got nothing on me. Ok, maybe the fact that Advertising isn't completely going out(pedway/booth), but the five of us that are involved with it got told that we have to do it if no one else does... so far only Waylon and I have picked up the slack. JERKS!

Jason and I had an odd conversation last night... The subject of marriage came up, more in reference to us. I mean, just recently I said those three letter words to him, and I do mean them a lot. He said he felt like a jerk for not saying it first, though he knew he loved me back in December. But are we in "love?" The answer to that is still undecided in my mind and heart. We get along wonderfully. We talk about anything and everything, laugh and poke fun at each other and vent our frustrations we come across in our daily activities. We are growing together, not just in our relationship with each other, but also with God. As some of you may not know, Jason was engaged last year, which he broke it off last Summer. I realize a lot of you are thinking, "nice, what a winner Raylie," but please don't come to a quick decision, cause most of you have yet to meet him. When he broke it off is also when he started seeking God, "hit rock bottom."
So last night he and I were talking about the big M word, and it kinda got scary. I mean, I'm not ready to say yes to anyone right now. Too much is coming up for me to settle down, and he knows and respects this, especially since he doesn't want to rush anything either. I'm not even sure at this point if he is the one, and I blame myself on that one. I hate planning things, at least at this point in my life. Things change in a blink of an eye constantly, so I'm scared to plan even 6 months in advance. That is also why I'm trying not to get caught up in him, I don't want to burn him or myself in the end... I think I'm worrying about nothing, and not sure where I'm going with that last paragraph...

I better get my TWO papers done now....

HULK SMASH!

Finally it's Monday, which means tomorrow is Tuesday... Why am I pointing out something so common as that? Tuesday is our last event for the whole month of February, which means I get to breathe, or at least for a week. With back to back events each week, I thought I was going to loose my cool. But after a over 12 hour day tomorrow... I just want to chill and catch up in the shop. Then it will be Carnival Night.

Lately I've been getting really frustrated, and actually taking it out on Jason. I feel bad, especially the last two days. Yes, some of the frustration was with him, but that was discussed upon the time it happened or shortly after. We talk, a lot, about ourselves and when we are troubled regardless whether it's between us or others. But yesterday was drowning in this irritable anger.

First of all, it was Sunday, and what do I do on Sundays? I go to Church and do laundry. But I got up, looked out my window, and it's snowing. So I shower, get dressed and waited on Jason. Decided to go shovel the front and the back for ease of access throughout the morning for myself and the roommates. I guess the snow was really coming down, well not like pouring rain, but what I shoveled soon was covered with another layer of new snow in a matter of a few minutes. I started to get worried, "is it's ok to drive in this crap?" See where I live, you have to either go up a really steep hill, or around the neighborhood and up a littler hill to get out to the main road, and there have been times when that wasn't possible. Jason gets there, we go, almost doing a 360 on the way down one of the small roads. I hate how the roads are up here, nothing was plowed yet, minus the parking lot at church.

So after church, I just want to go home, but the roommates wanted to meet up and go to Sam's, fine, but no of them were ready to go right at noon, and Jason was hungry. So we went by ourselves, shopped for dinner and necessities, and got two polish dogs each. Jamie calls, and Jason tells her we are already there and shopped, which is when he hands me the phone. She sounded almost disappointed that we went without, but the plan was to meet up after Jason and I were out of Church, and they weren't ready. So we get home, after a few more stops, which just causes me to get cranky... "I just want to go home."

We finally get there, and Jason tries to convince me to go chill, but more things just keep causing me to get more and more upset... I was not Raylene yesterday, I was someone else, someone almost gutless and angry at at the world. I don't like being that person, ever. Yes, I know I can be a bit of a slave driver at work, but I've chilled out a lot since I started, and it helps when we have people that want to work, not just get paid. I'm hoping this week gets a bit better...

So I'm all moved in downstairs, and already I feel lonely. Last night I spent like an hour talking to Janice in her "new" room. She's even having issues adjusting to the change. I feel a bit segregated, which sucks. Windex is still adjusting, but I won't care if she stays in Janice's room rather than mine some nights.

I can't believe people lack so much character, and could be so rude! No one told them to leave, they decided to do so, not my problem. They were asked to clean and take care of their responsibilities, which they did not do, and now are making threats of not paying for anything they still owe. They have stolen from us, even after being confronted about it, we have yet to see it return. And we still have not received keys from either one of them. Yesterday was a hard day for me and each of my roommates... I hope I don't have to go to court because of these people, cause I'm not at fault for anything...

I'm kinda jealous, which is dumb, cause I can't remember the last time I was. All because I read a blog of someone I care about. Yeah, we had history, but there was never a future for us. It just made me feel like I was never good enough, even though at times I feel it's really the other way around. I actually felt bad for them the other week, cause things seemed kinda sad for them. But now they are over joyed and loving where and who they are with, but did they ever feel somewhat like that with me? I know I'm being dumb right now, really dumb, cause I have Jason, and he's pretty awesome... I just need to work hard on getting them out of my system, which shouldn't be hard now. I mean, they weren't for me, no matter how hard I tried to make it seem like it was in God's plans. They just aren't the person for me, wasn't yoked enough to come close to where I'm at with my Faith. Oh well, I just hope they get some type of relationship with God, and not be excluded from the Book of Life.

Rarely do I receive phone calls from home. I mean there is maybe 5 people that I actually talk to on the phone on a regular basis, actually I see them on regular terms as well. But today my sister Retah called me with a question and good news. The question isn't important to post it, but my dress came in! Actually everyone's did, so I'll get to try it on and make sure it fits right a whole month before the wedding! I'm excited to see how it looks on me. Yes, I have not tried it on, or even a sample of on cause there were none available to do so.

Well, I have yet another long night ahead of me...

PS. Yea I'll take your bath stuff Rhonda...

I still haven't slowed down, and it doesn't look like I can put on the breaks anytime soon. I've spent another 8 hour day in the shop, and got nothing to show for my hard work. Especially after Bridgett called us together to have the "shame" talk. I honestly have no excuses as to why I have nothing to show for my Advance Class, but my color... that crap is hard. Plus, the weather wasn't too great this past weekend, but I did get a Snow Day on Monday. I should be able to print another color Saturday, and hopefully another on Monday. I need to plan my days better, but it's hard when I spend every bit of day light at school, regardless if it's class or work.

I went to church this past Sunday, and actually made it to Sunday School... They need change, not that they aren't fellowshipping with each one another, I mean we are going over how to witness and share with the lost, but they are stuck. They want to grow, but I really don't see how they can when the majority of the members are my parents age or older. They lack Youth, children/nursery workers(it's one lady that is doing it, and she is about to pop), and they don't have a CC class. I like this church, don't get me wrong, but I don't want them to die off either. I should be praying about this more, but it hard to slow down and focus. I've been thinking about moving my letter, and trying to get involved. Awana is held on Thursdays, and with the way school is going, I doubt I can get involved with that, but even their Bulletin is so out dated and needs improvements... I just don't want to step on toes, but I want to see more people coming to worship and sharing Christ.

Other things I've been thinking about... Something that's been coming up a lot with me is a pull towards missionary work. I'm not even sure why, but it's something that excites me, even though I know I'm not a strong witness for God.

Also, about grad school. I've been looking, and seem to prefer the schools more East of the Mississippi, mostly for the Facilities. Pretty weak huh? UNC Greensboro sent me a packet and they will actually give me a discount on my tuition, and let me pay in-state, which is cool, but I want that internship. But I've also been thinking about waiting to apply for the Fall 2009 semester. I mean, I'll be doing my show next Fall, and Grad Deadlines for the Spring 09 semester are as early as September. So as I'm working to get my show up, which includes slides and crap, I'll have to have a portfolio done in time to send it to at least 10 programs? I think I'll just wait and develop my pieces... I'll have my best Undergrad at that point.

Why do people have to be so ridiculous? Seriously, I understand that you are moving out, props to you and your future spouse, but you still have three more weeks here, and still need to respect the rest of us. I understand there are things being shared that belong to you, but doesn't mean you have to remove everyone else's stuff from it, and just keep you only yours. As if we are infected, and can't TOUCH anything that belongs to you. Basically, you have become a guest in OUR house, so respect it. You are the ones making it more difficult, not us. We never told you to leave, NEVER, yet you act as if we are throwing you out the door any day now.

I had to vent, and talking to them is irrational, what that's what they think of me. Anyway...

So I ditched work today, why, cause I didn't wake up until almost ten, and didn't feel like walking in the snow to campus. I'll go in tomorrow... Plus, my room was a mess, and I only cleaned 3/4 of the kitchen last night... I'm so the mom.

With the move, I'm realizing I'm missing a few things to make my room sufficient. I've never had my own bathroom, weird huh? I'm not missing huge things, but a few things I would like to have...

Well I made it home and back again, just to do it again in another few weeks. I thought I was just gonna be a little lame trip, minus the Bridal Shower and laughing with my Mom and Retah, but my little Brother made my weekend...

So I have these Uncles, Richard and Robert Pernell, and they are amazing. They aren't related to me in anyway, except being children of God, but they have always and will be my Uncles. Dick used to be my Father's Soccer Coach in college at Cal Baptist, and let my father live in the room above their house for a few years. They both are a Hoot, and I love them so much, but the last time I saw them was two years ago, and even that was after at least a five year MIA session. They still live in Riverside, and becoming hippies, ok they drive a Prius now. Bob was in the service, while Dick went into the Peace Core. Actually he was in the first group established for the Peace Core, down in Columbia.

So what is Riverside known for? ORANGES! California Gold, and my Uncles have about two acres of trees, some being at least forty years old. And these are the best oranges you could get anywhere, simply because they are the Navels. Navel Oranges don't have seeds, thus they have us use graphs from other trees to expand the produce or create new trees. I spent most of my Sunday afternoon picking oranges and socializing with my awesome uncles, all thanks to Sam... And yes, I brought some back with me, mostly to enjoy with my roommates.

I think I have a problem. It's not that I'm jealous, but I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing people talk about their wedding plans! Not so much Rhonda and Brian's, cause they are less than three months away from getting hitched, but when you have more than a year... I'm glad I have an ipod now, cause I can just zone her complaints and whines to her betroth. A WHOLE YEAR! I mean, I could understand if it was May and trying to get venues and reserve places, but it's a year and two months. She's not even answering her line cause she's on the phone... Yea big deal if I answer it, but I'm tried of telling people from our paper and other things that she is too busy to talk to them at this time.

When I get married, I'm just gonna do the only way I know. Service and reception at the church. I mean, why make people travel to enjoy your company and those you haven't seen in years. Then again, I'm the one that think it would be cool if my Father walked me down with his shotgun. Charlie said he would do it! I want the simplest wedding someone can have, and I've always thought this way. Not that my family has done anything HUGE, but they too seem a little too big for me.

I'll be home tomorrow, and glad to be there. It's a sucky short trip, two days/one night, while spending two nights riding on the train. Oh well, the things I do for family... Hahaha, I would die for my family any day.

Last night Jason and I met with Pastor David Campbell and another gentleman from Greenlaw Baptist. We both were nervous, especially since they were an hour late. So they get there, FINALLY! He started out asking if we were interested in working with they youth, thus I brought up my parents were the youth leaders at Long Beach, only when there was no one available to take the youth. "So you come from a Southern Baptist background?" I stole the show, talking about my families involvement when I was younger, being saved when I was 12, my struggles through my adolescents with following Him, and then being Baptized when I was 21. Finding an awesome church, Mid Cities, and growing. I even talked about the issues I see developing in my Sunday School class, even though I only went like twice while I was home. We used to be fun, and made me want to be there, but lately... They could be doing more, and they won't.

Anyway, they finally got to Jason, how he was forced to go, even forced to be baptized, and then stopped going. The hardships he experienced during the years, leading up to his feeling of hitting bottom, and turning around and seeking God. He's been doing better about church and I have, surprisingly. Then it came to Salvation. "Jason are you sure you'll be going to Heaven?" Jason was unsure, which I kinda new, and have been talking to him about it a lot lately. So Pastor pulls out a track, and we begin to read it together, and he gave his testimony and so did Ted. Jason accepted the Lord last night, and is now in the Book of Life.

They did inform us that there is no teacher as of right now for our Sunday School class, which kinda sucks, but I like the feel of Greenlaw... They just need to work on their music. They do Faith, which I might get involved with, but that's not until April. Also, Ted thought we were married, "God please bless this marriage and allow it to continue to grow." I think it's cause my ring only fits on my left hand... Oops!

Happy MLK Day...

Something about this so called holiday has me a bit baffled. I have nothing against the late Dr. King, and am grateful that God was able to use him in such a manner, but why do I get this day off? His real birthday is the 15th, which was about a week ago, but why is it his birth the important date? I would think the day he gave his speech there in DC would be better, since it had such a HUGE impact on growing America. Sometimes I wish I was there... But I'm here in this time for some reason, but will I make an impact?

As most of my readers know, I recently turned twenty-four this last Saturday. For years, my birthday never really meant anything, just another day. But I was constantly being reminded that I was turning 24, just a year away from being a quarter century old. I realize that I'm not "old," I mean, just a week before my own Mother turned 61. Yet, I'm realizing I've come along way in my last 24 years. I never dreamed I would be here, Flagstaff, Arizona, getting my degree in art, working a job nowhere related to my field of interest, and listening to Zakk Wylde. The last four years I've spent my birthday away from the traditions of my family, which only consisted of going to Grandma's to eat and open gifts, but it was my day. I admit, I miss those days of family, but that's just another unforgotten memory.

Week two starts tomorrow, but I'm already looking for the weekend. I get to go home. The first of my many adventures before April. They are all family related, well Rhonda related, but it's always good to be with family. And yes Melanie, I'll have the stuff ready before I head out on Friday, PROMISE!

Well I'm off for another adventure in the life of Raylie...

Not this week, but soon

I've stated before how I'm going to start using my gym membership, but this week doesn't look like it's gonna happen. School just started, and I'm already feeling behind. I have three assignments due tomorrow, and another on Thursday, for the same class, but I can't find two of questions that are due tomorrow. "think of it as a scavenger hunt" as the teacher puts it in the syllabus. That's wrong, especially for a 100 level course. I've read everything that I'm suppose to, since I can't read the lectures until I finish the first three questions, which I would do if he had an assignment list! I'm feeling a bit stupid and beyond frustration!

I finally met Bridgett today, she's talking over for Dave while he is gone. She seems really mellow and supportive, and likes what I'm trying to do in terms of experimenting for my show.

Please continue to pray for my living situation. Since Sunday, I have not talked to the two, and feel bad for them...

It's only been a day...

I arrived safely in to Flagstaff about 9pm MST, Saturday. The trip was long, but at least this time I had someone other than Windex to talk to. And boy did we talk... I even busted out my Bible a few times in to reference to a few things. Mostly Old Testament, but still shared it.

I did not go to church on Sunday, since I got sick. I think the altitude change this time really effect me in a negative way. Headache, dehydration, and loss of energy. So I gave Jason my Bible and he went. Jason is really getting into church, which I'm glad. They need a tech guy, and he's pretty much the man for the job, just not a member of the church. He thinks he has Pastor Campbell's way of preaching down to the "t."

I'm glad to be back in the house, my house. Well, as I've been telling my three roommates that share the upstairs with me, it's our house, and that's how it should be. But I live with two other people, and I actually feel bad for them. I'm unsure they even believe in God, or Christ for that matter, cause they lack a lot of compassion for others. It was the first night that we all have been home since the week of finals, so it was exciting, at least to the four of us girls. We went to dinner, shopping, and hung out in the living room just talking, laughing, and enjoying our youth. But apparently that was too much for one of the tired roommates. From the beginning we were warned, "hey, can you turn the music down." Which is fine, but a few hours later, there was an eruption of emotions... I just thank God that He allowed for me to be cool and handle the situation, and neutralize it, even if it was just for that moment. Please pray for my living situation. Yes, I know, I was quick to make decisions, and now are living with unpleasant people, but it could be worse, I just hope it doesn't get much worse...

We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon. -Jimmy Carter

Wouldn't that be awesome!? I first pictured something like Christ coming over for Sunday Supper, or a visit. But I wouldn't want it to be just a short thing as I imagined, and I know it won't be... But I also know that I'm not living my life that way, but I'm changing...

I think it's gonna fall off...

Sam and I played at least two hours of Wii yesterday, not back to back since we went and got some lunch. But with the constant increase of my game play, my muscles haven't caught up yet. I think I need to learn how to play lefty, at least for bowling and such. But Sam and I have a pretty sweet tennis team...Now for a name???

Not only have I been playing Wii, with Melanie's new addiction to Guitar Hero, I've been playing that as well. I'm a pretty good Bass Player, but not as good as William Murderface. I don't know how long we were playing GH III, but I know I got a couple 100% and encores.

I can't believe I'm gone a week from tomorrow. I'm excited to start my new semester, but I kinda don't want to leave yet. I'm having too much fun...I guess I need to find people to have fun with back in Flag, but will it be the same.

I just read two people's blogs, and they both listed their resolutions for the year, so it got me thinking. I kinda already have some, but never really categorized them such. I'm gonna us my Gym membership for real, and work on being closer to God. I'm not in it to lose weight, though I know I'm heavier than I should be, I just want to race again. And being a better Christian is what we all strive for, I just need to focus better. So please keep me accountable when I'm not keeping myself...

My First Wii accident...kinda

As most of you know, I had to head back to the beautiful pines for traffic school, in which I also was able to spend New Years with a few good people. While dinner was being prepared, I entertained myself with Gabe's Wii, which he has not play in over two months...As a result of my guilty pleasures, I've obtained one bruise and cut on my right forearm(bowling) and a small dent in the living room wall(also bowling) at their apartment from my ring. The bruise hurts pretty bad, even though it's been a few days...and it's BLUE! I made it home safely, but never desire to ride the greyhound again. Amtrak from now on, even though it's like zero degrees year round.

With the new year comes change. New laws, family members, degrees, and life. The year has just begun, and I'm already booked. Leave on the 12th for Flagstaff, even though I'm not so sure I'm ready for the adventures that I see in the future. But after two weeks of school, I'm off again to Long Beach, and then again on the 15th of February. Whenever my dress comes in, I'm gonna have to come back and get a fitting done, plus order my shoes...Weddings are crazy! The only time I know I don't have anything scheduled is starting in April.

Well it's late, and I just got back from the bus station...time for bed seriously.