Why am I angry?

Well I guess I won't be out in the sunshine this Summer. I'm currently helping with the changes and cleaning in my office, which is moving at the end of this month, then being a receptionist for the remainder of the Summer, with a slight pay raise. I really wish it was more, but can't really do anything about it until after July 1st.

I went to church today, and all I did was get angry. I've been working on a new bulletin for Greenlaw, since they have been using just MS Word to produce one. So I've been using InDesign at work, off hours, and designed what I think is a pretty good start, which has just caused me issues with the church and mostly my Pastor. He has told me that he would get me all the information for upcoming events for the next three months, plus all the info needed for each week. NOT! But I've dealt with it, not always in a good manner once discussing it with Jason, but I've done my best to please, but some of his choices are just impractical. Not every space needs filled, it's ok to leave so white areas, it's ok to not list everything such as Piano, the first verse of a song that is out of the Hymnal. I've been praying that God help me with this task, but I'm starting to feel like it's not one I should have taken on. I've already gotten negative reaction from one of the staff members, indirectly, which was not expected.

So I finished the bulletin, and emailed it to Pastor for any corrections before it went to print. Of course his email doesn't work, like aways, so we drop off a hard copy at the church. He calls Jason, why, I don't know. I've misspelled the Special Guests name, and a few words in the insert, ok, not the end of the world. So we fix it, and email it to him so he can get it printed at Kinko's (since the church copier doesn't like the gradation of the images). Of course he doesn't email me back, and doesn't call me to let me know he was unable to go get the copies done. So he calls Jason, Saturday a little after 2pm, and ask that we get it done. Jason got off at 5pm, we go to Kinko's, which apparently in Flagstaff, it closes at 1pm. Along with Staples and Office Max! The only other place I could think of to copy them off at is at work, so I begged my good friend to let me in to do so. 30 minutes later I got the bulletins done, all 130 of them. I didn't do the insert because he stated to Jason that he would get them done at church. So I folded all 130, and brought them to church this morning, and waited patiently for Pastor to show, so I can hand them off and go to Sunday School. While in class, he comes in, "do you have the insert?" I wanted to cry! "You don't have the master?" I emailed it to him to his WIFE's address like he asked, and stated that the insert could be done at church to save money. Jason and I walk into the sanctuary, and open up the bulletin. Two pieces of paper fall out, one of which is an old draft of the insert I made(with the errors), the other one he just did with more information he "forgot" to let me in on. So not only does he not pay attention, he wasted his time and money on an extra sheet that just makes the whole thing feel weird for some reason. Like it's chaos, not nicely organized. Jason told him that there was an updated one, which he stated he couldn't find...

I haven't talked to Ted or Fannie about taking on the position of Publicity Coordinator, mostly because of how the production of this bulletin has been so stressful. I think if I do take on this position, I can find support from the other staff members and less from Pastor. I also don't want to commit to everything that was stated in the position, mostly be cause I have little to no time once school starts up again. I just need to schedule a meeting with both Ted and Fannie this week, if possible.

I'm starting to not like going there. I feel as if the pastor is killing is own church off. He went to seminary at New Orleans, and emphasized in Methodology, which isn't helping us grow. Am I a bad Christian for feeling this way? Jason doesn't want to leave until he finishes FAITH and Experiencing God, which is fine, but I just can't handle this anymore.

Ever since we went to what I thought was Bible Study on Wednesday, and got annoyed at how Pastor uses a PA System for 10 people, and how it wasn't a bible study, it was just a repeat of Experiencing God, I wanted to leave after only being there for 20 minutes. What did I do after those twenty minutes, sat there while Pastor went over the prayer list, and asked if anyone new or wanted to pray for that person he was currently talking about, and then we would pray, only to go back in to conversation about someone else needing someone there to pray for them and praying again, for a FULL HOUR we did this! I'm sorry but that is really, REALLY, LAME! You have bible study to study the Word, and learn more about what God has in stored for you, not to spend only 15 minutes in it, then individually pray for each person for an hour, while you stand in front of a mic for 10 people that can hear you perfectly.

It seems really backwards to me, which I'm not even sure that is the correct term to use. I also don't like how for today's sermon, was a former Mormon talking about his testimony and nothing about GOD. That's fine, I like having people come in and talk, but when it's Worship, it needs to be Worship. Not a power point of how you grew up in a horrible family and got caught up in Mormonism (which you're going to explain again tonight at 5:30pm).

I feel like I need to say something, but I don't think Pastor cares for what comes out of my mouth. Maybe I'm not on his level, since he calls Jason in regards to the bulletin, rather than me. I really don't know what to do at this point, but try my best to get through it and hope God works through me to help, if I'm suppose to.