So much for staying on top of this or even my normal day to day. After my last post in January, so much happened, I feel like I'm just now recovering from a majority of it, maybe even still working on processing it. But I'm at this cross road, or that's what I'm gonna call it, though it seems to just be a road block. "Just go around it," you say, but which way? That's what I'm struggling with, what way does God want me to go. I'm probably over analyzing, which I is somewhat of a bad habit, but this impasse is a big one.

For the last six months I have been pursuing better career opportunities with my current employer, unsuccessfully. For the past year, I have unsuccessfully found a position with another company. My current position is a dead end, though there is talks again of putting me in a lead/assistant manager position, which I have heard that story three years ago, and I'm not sure it would be much of a "growth opportunity" since my role currently is that, just without the title. Now throw in house hunting in a market that seems impossible to reach the desires of my husband and I.

I'm probably still on a vacation high, from visiting family last weekend. I think every time I go "home," I think about how we (I) would be better off in California. Except this time, it happened days before we even set out for the Golden State. I just fantasied about how maybe these things were not lining up because "We aren't suppose to be here anymore." Before last week, I would have never brought up California, or at least said it was five years before we would head that way, but for some reason it just seems more tangible now that it has any other time, or at least for me.

My husband is done with school in the next few weeks, then just has a few more months before he has his certification. October I celebrate five years with my employer and will be fully vested (free retirement money), which only a small part of me cares, but I have been encouraged by my husband and others to just stick it out. Buying a house, in Phoenix, is a big deal and I'm not so sure I'm on-board anymore.

Days like this, I wished I could just go to the studio, focus on creating something and not have to think about life decisions.