Crying

How I start my Fridays. Well, mostly because someone really got to my heart. I am the youngest person in my office at FH, not the whole organization, but in my department I am. So I'm often given advise or asked about my husband and this whole joblessness that is the center of our life. Usually I just say "he's doing ok, looking, applying and sometimes down about not being able to provide" with a smile and control of emotions. Today, I couldn't hold my composure. I did not have a break down, if that's what your are picturing. I can't help but be frustrated with this situation as of late. Not frustrated with Jason, but with trying to figure out life again.

And I'm not a crier. As a kid, I faked tears time and time again, so as an adult, I hold it back, or not let it bother me to that extent. I know this will come off as asshole-ish, but crying makes me feel weak. I have cried at work before, a few times, due to similar situations during that time. Some wise man once told me, that I try really hard to give the appearance that I'm tough. I'm unsure as to why I do that, but I do know that I do.

I am a strong woman, and most will realize that when they meet me, but I tend to go beyond that at times, as if I'm a He-man Woman hater. I'm not your typical woman either, which sometimes makes me insecure when I see others my age or in my surrounding being "feminine." Maybe I should work on that...

By the way, I love my co-workers, and I know that they are only concerned and praying about Jason and I's situation. Just like everyone else, some days are harder than others.