Yesterday was a bit of an emotional day, even depressing somewhat, which only leaves me completely exhausted. I started looking at job prospects for a majority of my day, in an attempt to be productive on my day off. Probably was a poor choice in activities, but none the less I did it for hours. Did I actually apply to any position? No, because I don't even know what type of work I want to do anymore. And excuse, of course, but really I am in a weird transition it seems.
I'm looking for growth, but also a promising career path that will include this growth along the way. Something that isn't just a filler job, like I have had in the past, though I gained ample experience from those. And something I can move with, as the idea is not to stay in Phoenix forever.
I was reminded by a quote I have on my FB profile; "Our problems are opportunities to discover God's solutions." Ultimately, God is in control, even if I am unhappy with my current standings, I need to remember He's guiding me. My friend, in efforts to cheer me up, hit me with a bit more. She pointed out that so many people were praying for me, praying that I would transition into this new role, some that even work with me indirectly. Yet, the position was filled with someone else. Immediately, I was ok, maybe being brave for those around me that would be upset. Some even shocked at the decision, but I said I was ok and that God had a plan.
Yesterday, I had terrible memory loss, because I forgot this. I once again, as humans do, took all of this weight and tried to manage it on my own. "It's ok God, I'll take care of it." I felt loss, bitterness and even anger. And the feeling of I was on my own in this, which is STUPID! So I worked myself up into some sort of depression, which didn't help that I was home, alone to my craziness.
Today, I'm better. Reflecting and friends always help. But most of all, prayer and meditation.
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