I've decided that there are really horrible people out there, and I hope my future children will never be considered that type. I don't understand how I get into these particular situations, but I do understand that they are a part of past bad choices. Guess I'm just gonna have to eat it and go on my way....

I'm not sure how long it's been since I posted last... I know it was before my Supervisor, Tom's, going away party. In which a blast from my recent past came, but I really didn't care, except everyone kept bring him up... Look, blah blah is here... did you see his new gf, Raylene? At least I have some good people within my circle of life. It did give a bit of an ego boost to hear that I'm not dense like her, and that I'm actually pretty, not plan. I know I've heard that before, and from his mouth, but his mouth also told me a lot of other things... OH WELL!

I'll be home in a few days...

I think learning, or teaching yourself, how to play the guitar is the hardest thing I have done in a LONG time. I consider myself musically talented, not a master, but easily able to pick up something either old or new. But I'm just not getting it right now. Yes, I could take into consideration that it maybe that I'm just too busy to sit and practice, but to me that's not a good excuse. I love music, and though I don't always sing in church, mostly cause I can't sing those high octaves, I enjoy the instrumental part. Some songs I don't even know the words, but can recognize them just with the beginning notes.

Yes, I've been extremely busy, and ready for a break, and I'm sorry for not talking to very many people. But I'm doing fine and enjoying my sanity. My prints are slowly becoming great images, which means I'm taking too long to do things. I'm not so sure about Bridget though, she makes me mad a lot of the time, but I try to just work and zone her out.

Work is consuming my other time for the most part. I'm actually considering leaving and working in a different department. I'm tired of the lack of people helping, and setting poor examples for others. I realize there is change going on, especially with Tom leaving in a few weeks.

I didn't think I would end my Friday afternoon with a phone call about a robbery. Well, I guess you can't really call it a robbery, when it hasn't been confirmed that anything has been taken. My Grandparents house was broken into recently, and the damage hasn't been completely evaluated. My sister Rhonda is the only one that stays there, since it's closer to the Zoo than our house, but she's not there everyday. I just hope nothing was taken... Those are my physical memories.

I'm grateful for this week being over. I've been so busy lately with work, but still have a lot going on in the near future. We just finished our last concert for this month, and our team was lacking big time. Don't get me wrong, it went as smooth as silk, which was a shocker, but our team was incomplete. People put themselves on the bench because they felt like it, not because they were injured. Seriously, I got popped in the face with some big ol' electric cable(which had metal threads), which cut the out and inside of my mouth, but I still worked 18 hours that day. Why? Cause it's my job, and I got checked out and was fine. But other people are putting these events on the back burner like it's handing out fliers and lacks importance. I realize we lack communication, especially within the two groups that exist in the office at this very moment, but that's not my fault. I'm just grateful that TC got pissed off enough that we are actually having a concrete meeting on Monday, and they got nothing on me. Ok, maybe the fact that Advertising isn't completely going out(pedway/booth), but the five of us that are involved with it got told that we have to do it if no one else does... so far only Waylon and I have picked up the slack. JERKS!

Jason and I had an odd conversation last night... The subject of marriage came up, more in reference to us. I mean, just recently I said those three letter words to him, and I do mean them a lot. He said he felt like a jerk for not saying it first, though he knew he loved me back in December. But are we in "love?" The answer to that is still undecided in my mind and heart. We get along wonderfully. We talk about anything and everything, laugh and poke fun at each other and vent our frustrations we come across in our daily activities. We are growing together, not just in our relationship with each other, but also with God. As some of you may not know, Jason was engaged last year, which he broke it off last Summer. I realize a lot of you are thinking, "nice, what a winner Raylie," but please don't come to a quick decision, cause most of you have yet to meet him. When he broke it off is also when he started seeking God, "hit rock bottom."
So last night he and I were talking about the big M word, and it kinda got scary. I mean, I'm not ready to say yes to anyone right now. Too much is coming up for me to settle down, and he knows and respects this, especially since he doesn't want to rush anything either. I'm not even sure at this point if he is the one, and I blame myself on that one. I hate planning things, at least at this point in my life. Things change in a blink of an eye constantly, so I'm scared to plan even 6 months in advance. That is also why I'm trying not to get caught up in him, I don't want to burn him or myself in the end... I think I'm worrying about nothing, and not sure where I'm going with that last paragraph...

I better get my TWO papers done now....

HULK SMASH!

Finally it's Monday, which means tomorrow is Tuesday... Why am I pointing out something so common as that? Tuesday is our last event for the whole month of February, which means I get to breathe, or at least for a week. With back to back events each week, I thought I was going to loose my cool. But after a over 12 hour day tomorrow... I just want to chill and catch up in the shop. Then it will be Carnival Night.

Lately I've been getting really frustrated, and actually taking it out on Jason. I feel bad, especially the last two days. Yes, some of the frustration was with him, but that was discussed upon the time it happened or shortly after. We talk, a lot, about ourselves and when we are troubled regardless whether it's between us or others. But yesterday was drowning in this irritable anger.

First of all, it was Sunday, and what do I do on Sundays? I go to Church and do laundry. But I got up, looked out my window, and it's snowing. So I shower, get dressed and waited on Jason. Decided to go shovel the front and the back for ease of access throughout the morning for myself and the roommates. I guess the snow was really coming down, well not like pouring rain, but what I shoveled soon was covered with another layer of new snow in a matter of a few minutes. I started to get worried, "is it's ok to drive in this crap?" See where I live, you have to either go up a really steep hill, or around the neighborhood and up a littler hill to get out to the main road, and there have been times when that wasn't possible. Jason gets there, we go, almost doing a 360 on the way down one of the small roads. I hate how the roads are up here, nothing was plowed yet, minus the parking lot at church.

So after church, I just want to go home, but the roommates wanted to meet up and go to Sam's, fine, but no of them were ready to go right at noon, and Jason was hungry. So we went by ourselves, shopped for dinner and necessities, and got two polish dogs each. Jamie calls, and Jason tells her we are already there and shopped, which is when he hands me the phone. She sounded almost disappointed that we went without, but the plan was to meet up after Jason and I were out of Church, and they weren't ready. So we get home, after a few more stops, which just causes me to get cranky... "I just want to go home."

We finally get there, and Jason tries to convince me to go chill, but more things just keep causing me to get more and more upset... I was not Raylene yesterday, I was someone else, someone almost gutless and angry at at the world. I don't like being that person, ever. Yes, I know I can be a bit of a slave driver at work, but I've chilled out a lot since I started, and it helps when we have people that want to work, not just get paid. I'm hoping this week gets a bit better...

So I'm all moved in downstairs, and already I feel lonely. Last night I spent like an hour talking to Janice in her "new" room. She's even having issues adjusting to the change. I feel a bit segregated, which sucks. Windex is still adjusting, but I won't care if she stays in Janice's room rather than mine some nights.

I can't believe people lack so much character, and could be so rude! No one told them to leave, they decided to do so, not my problem. They were asked to clean and take care of their responsibilities, which they did not do, and now are making threats of not paying for anything they still owe. They have stolen from us, even after being confronted about it, we have yet to see it return. And we still have not received keys from either one of them. Yesterday was a hard day for me and each of my roommates... I hope I don't have to go to court because of these people, cause I'm not at fault for anything...