I Said Yes!

Jason asked me to marry him on the 23rd, at Santa Monica Pier, and I said yes. It still feels unreal, and even though the ring is on my finger, it still feels like pretend. It's a beautiful ring, and boy does it shine! I'm excited to start planning, which we have sort of been doing anyway, but now it's more a "lets get this done" feeling.

Both sides are excited as well. Jason's younger sister seems to be more excited than I am. "Ok, now start making babies!" I hope

We have a prospective date, for in Flagstaff, I just need to call and see if the venue is available and what we will be limited to if anything.

But before I can do anything else wedding wise, I need to get this sketch book done!

Sort of Know Where I'm Headed

But not sure how I'm getting there yet. I've been too busy to look for Jobs in Flagstaff, and it seems I won't be slowing down until after the 5th, but that will only be for a week! But at least the semester is over.

I was suppose to register for classes on the 24th, but I'm unsure of weather or not I should. If I got at least half time, I can defer my loans, which would be awesome! But what if I get a job, in another state, and need to move? I sort of have a love hate relationship with the fact my life changes every three months or so. Probably why I hate planning so far ahead.

So Jason and I went to dinner with a mutual friend last night. I know she has struggled with understanding God and Salvation, which lately I have been feeling really conflicted to talk to people. I know the Holy Spirit is working in me. Well she told me she was going to get baptized soon, which I'm proud of her for wanting to do this. But there is always more to any story. I asked her why she felt she needed to get baptized, which I shared with her how I was saved at age 12, felt there was no reason to stand up in front of a huge church as I'm dunked in some pool, but when I was 21 I felt convicted that it was the next step in my life as a Christian. Her response as to why worries me, because no where in scripture does it say what she expressed. It does not wash your sins away, or your original sin as she thinks. Nor does it get you a pass into heaven as her somewhat future husband thinks and is sort of pushing it on her. I simply stated that I believe that it is a public profession of my Faith in Christ and that I will be leading my life as a Child of God. She doesn't want it to be public, which I understand, I don't like attention either. Jason and I talked about in the car as we drove back to his Dad's, and he said I did well in how I present my side. "You said 'I believe' not, 'Actually, the Bible says' or something of that manner that basically is telling them they are wrong, game over." For the past few years, I have noticed that about myself, I simply state, I believe. Not My denomination, or my religion, or my family believes, but that I truly believe. I guess that makes it more a of personal thing in the eyes of a non-believer, or those struggling with their beliefs. Another thing to add to my prayer request...

I have also realized recently, that no matter what, no one can change my faith. I feel pretty strong in that, even though I really can't quote scripture or other stereotypes that the world deems on Christians, and I feel that's because my faith/believes are that of my personal experiences and journey. I've been telling people, who try to challenge my faith "you won't change my mind, sorry." I know that it sounds boastful, but I'm proud of the fact that I don't question my faith in God/Christ. The only way I have been able to get to this point is through them, which also has allowed me to stand up for Christ in a lost world.

I leave tomorrow afternoon to head back to California... I'm not looking forward to that drive at all!

Going Back, God Willing

I went to Flagstaff a few weeks ago to visit for homecoming and a long over due visit with family and friends there. Within the few hours I was there, I was sold. I am in the process of finding a job (without internet at the moment) up there so I can move back. I have been offered two potential jobs, but one I would be required to be a student once again, well take one credit. The other one I'm not sure about right now, but time will tell.

I went to Church while there, three times actually. Wednesday for dinner and helped set up for Trunk N Treat, church Sunday morning and back Sunday night for the event. I miss the feel of a church family. The Pastor and his wife were telling me how the children's ministry is growing and that they would need a teacher, paused and smiled at me. Haha! Well we will see what God does.

Jason and I got to hang out while we both were there. We talked a lot about the failure of our relationship and Jason put a lot of blame on himself. "I wasn't the Man you needed me to be." Which is mostly right, but we are talking and actually on the phone everyday and texting throughout the day. I can't help but have deep feeling for him because they were there before, but he is different. He too had the same sensation I did once getting back to Flag, so he's trying to move back as well.

So I haven't had Internet at home for about 4 weeks now, which sucks because my phone is limited as to was I can do. But if it is God's will it will happen.

For the First Time

Today, mainly do to fairly recent events in my life, I have decided to fast... Christ has commanded us to do this, and I have never done it. I have thought about it, but never fully went through with it. I woke up this morning and decided that I would start today. I am unsure as to how long I will fast, hopefully enough to get answers or insight as into my path. I have also started to read the Psalms. I think the worst part about it isn't the food, yes, I am hungry and only have allowed myself some water. I can't help but feel that I'm out in a snow storm. my hands feel like ice, and though it is fall, it is technically not warm clothes weather... I pray that God gives me strength during this time and enough energy to keep up with my responsibilities.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I really doubt anyone reads this thing. But yet I still fill the screen with ramblings.

In the last week or so my life has changed quite a bit. A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend, decided I needed to focus on other things, and get a job so I can move and have a place of my own, thus becoming a true grown up once again. So far the job searching has been a dead end, but I'm staying optimistic by looking at future housing for myself and dreaming of silly things. I will continue to apply and send out my resume in hopes to find something that will get me somewhere. I am mainly looking here in Long Beach, but going to open up the possibility of moving back to Flagstaff. I loved it there and could see myself living there for the rest of my life, but income in these times and in a town that always had low employment rates, it seem near impossible. Long Beach and neighboring cities wouldn't be so bad, I would be close to my parents and such, I just hope I find something to fill my pockets enough to have a decent roof over my head. 

Vacation= Doing Very Little

I rode the train down to San Diego Wednesday night to get some quality time with my siblings and a bit of a break. With Monday being a holiday and having class only on Mondays/Wednesdays I southside for a whole week. So far day one was full of rushing Brian to work, shopping, lunch, office tour, and more shopping and jamba juice. Did you know they do happy hour at jamba juice, free upgrade to power size. I ended up making that my dinner. Waking up this morning, after trying to sleep in, I can't help but feel exhausted. Maybe I slept too long, or just my body isn't used to the rush rush we had yesterday. I had fun nonetheless. I have done very little today, mainly waiting for my sister to arrive home. Watched a DVD, did some dishes, and played with the quail.

I guess all I can do is try to relax and enjoy it.

Ceramics... for now

Last week I started classes. So far I am only in a ceramics class, but I will use it for potential Christmas gifts and hopeful profits. I have know the instructor for almost ten years, and he his more than happy to see me and have me around. I'm ok just taking ceramics right now, but he's letting me get away with murder basically. "You can do whatever you want." He wants me to do my best to work something out with the Printmaking instructor, since I said I was planning to apply to grad school, but I'm not so sure once again. The facilities are horrible in the print shop, mainly because the shop aide has been away and hardly anyone seems to care for neatness, and it's smaller than my room. The Printmaking teacher seems cool, her work is very modern and nontraditional, which is fine and may be more help in my own work, but she can't add me right now. She teaches all three printing classes at once, thus she can only have a total of 20 students. If I do get added, I will be limited on what I can do, even when it comes to intaglio. I need to stop complaining and get some work done...

As for Grad School. Once again I'm thinking it's a no go. Yes, I would have to apply for Fall 2012 now, since I have done absolutely nothing, which is ok with me, but what is making me think that Grad School isn't going to happen is because I constantly am focusing on the negatives: At least 3 years of just School, more loans, after Graduating having to bounce around trying to find a job at a college/university (which only guarantees part-time and a semester), also, I would like to start a family soon, and school isn't ideal with that in mind. Yes, it seems selfish, but I also told someone I probably would drop my career, whatever it is, if my family needed me, priorities first.

I still haven't gotten off my butt and found a church to attend out here. I am being lazy and giving excuses of being too busy or having things to do, which in most cases it's true, but I'm sacrificing fellowship for work.

I'm going to try to post more on here, hopefully I don't crash and burn again.