never posted: Two Days of Craziness

I found this post in my drafts. Never finished it, probably because it was a crazy night at Chase field. This all happened seven days into our marriage.

So Thursday, I woke up, did my normal routine of letting the dogs out and watering my garden before the heat, and then buckled down and applied to the job that was driving me crazy the other day. Within 5 hours of submitting my application I had a phone interview and set-up a face to face on Monday. I hope this is what God has planned for me. I also have a phone interview with medical donation company later that day. I'm so excited to have these opportunities and maybe finally have some type of income.

Last night I went to my first Arizona Diamondbacks Game. We went downtown a little early to maybe get dinner, which everywhere was packed, so we stopped at Alice Cooper's restaurant.

Then off to the stadium, to maybe catch batting practice. By the time we got to our seats they were packing up, but I enjoyed watching how the field maintenance was done. Another job on the wish list. I know the Angels have one, but I haven't seen it up close like this. It's only ok, because it's Arizona

Jason saw Mickey and told all about his hopes and dreams.

The game started and the crowd slowly started to grow and our section seemed to almost over flow. And then these kids, early 20s if that, show up and sit behind us. "Let's go Giants!" Ok, nice, root for your team, but do you really have to act like you're on the payroll. This one person, this guy, just would not stop with the mud slinging. Oh, AZ fans suck, if this was San Francisco, blah blah blah. Cali this and Cali that. I was embarrassed, because I'm from California and I felt this group was giving us natives a bad name. I actually applogize to those next to me, and Jason told him he had no class. "No wonder that guy got the crap beat out of him" came to my mind, in reference to the big Dodger Beating of a Giants Fan, but I quickly told myself that was wrong.


Giants score first, and for most of the game, it was the only run.

You Can't Stay Here

In the next few weeks, Jason and I will be moving, hopefully somewhere better for us and our budget.

Our current abode is a cute little 2 bed/one bath duplex in north Phoenix, which has suited us nicely in the two years we have lived here. Almost the perfect place for newlyweds that happened to have a decent yard for the dogs. There are some negatives to this little place, such as a tiny kitchen and living room. But still has been a great location for the both of us.

But like most people, I hate moving! That packing is the easy part in my opinion, and I usually am all packed weeks before that move, minus that things we need daily. It's more like I hate that actual "moving" part of it. Something always, without fail, breaks. It's rush rush to get that house cleaned and to that next house and stay up until the crack of dawn to unload.

In my adult life I have moved ten times eight years. I understand, it's life, plain and simple, but it can still despise it. I'm hoping things this time are different, and secretly that we will have a week or two over lap to have more time to move. I know it will help me mentally.

So, have we found a place yet? We are looking, and are waiting on a few inquiries, at least it's still a bit early. It's out there, we just have to find it.

Right Brain?

I have a fine arts degree, but that's just a piece of paper that confirms I did enough work in college in that particular field. Does not mean I'm this creative genius, but everyone seems to think it does.

I miss being able to be in the shop or studio working away for hours with my peers or just the radio. The smell of aquatint, the heat plate and ink are some things, in my opinion, everyone should experience at least once. I regret not sticking with it or making time for it after I graduated. But I'm no artist.

I'm the type of person that just loves to work with my hands, regardless of the outcome of the project. Is it a masterpiece? Something mind blowing or emotional that it hits my audience every single time? Highly doubtful, but isn't why I spent hours on these pieces of paper or mounds of clay. To me, it has to be functional or serve a purpose, and most likely have an emotional tie to me.

But lately I have been deemed creative, which I feel they are mistaken. Or at least in the context they are using it in. Decorating people's desk for special occasions, no a hard task, but when I ask for suggestions from the group, "Oh, well you're the creative one..." Seriously!?! Or meeting regarding special chapels that the focus is prayer... "I'm sure you have lots of ideas, you're creative." How about we pray...Ding!

I have started to reply, politely that they are mistaken, but I get blown off, as if I'm trying to be modest. No, just being honest.

Sometimes I wish I didn't get a degree in art, but my life would be so different, and I love having the skills I do because of it... I think I'm just going crazy.

I should have become a masterprinter, or some kind of shop assistant... well there is still time.

Unplanned Evacuation, Sort of

Things are work have been somewhat of a nightmare. For almost a year we have been extremely under staffed, over worked and trampled on. My department isn't the only area that is feeling this burden and frustration, and it keeps growing.

Moral is down, way down, or at least mine is. I dread going to work. I wake up each day, get ready, drive 20 minutes, to sit at a computer and crunch numbers for 8+ hours. I know, hard life. I am grateful to have said job, but spending the last nine months playing catch-up, I am spent! We are always behind, and when we finally think we are gonna get ahead, some issues is discovered and takes weeks or months to resolve, but until it is, we have to spend time doing work arounds or manual corrections.

Since November 2011, was hired the month before, my priority task has not changed. I am the guru of this process, mostly because I have been doing it for so long. Because of my vast knowledge, I have been promoted to lead on a new but similar process, but 17 months of looking at the same thing over and over has finally caused me to become unpleasant and/or irritable. I'm glad I'm able to help answer questions and provide accurate information and training to those learning, I just wished it happened sooner...but it couldn't.

Since June 2012, we have been short staffed. Three people doing the work of at least people. As of the start of this year, that dropped to two. The head of our department has known and tried to get approval to get more staff in, but it hasn't been until this last month that the big wigs asked for numbers to see if there is a need... Really? You need graphs and reports to see that this area is understaffed? Oh yeah, I forgot, we are robots and you don't really care to open your eyes and see that there is in fact a need. But you approve the use of temps, smart!

The constant waste of money bothers me. It is cheaper to hire and train someone as a full time employee, then contracting workers from an outside vendor and paying twice as much an hour for someone that I feel there is no reason to invest in. When the contract is up, they are most likely gone, and we are left short handed.

I'm not sure what to do, stick it out, or start looking for something new? I recently had a long talk with my manager, and she has expressed her concern for me and that she wants me to "be happy" and not quit, but she also understands where I'm coming from. I love the people I work with, but the work load is too much for the amount of people assigned to it. The projects keep growing, but the size of the team stays the same or shrinks.

We have a major department meeting with the big wigs come May, and everyday I feel more and more like I'm suppose to make a stand and become a voice. Not to embarrass or cause hurt feelings, but to express the frustrations that are currently running rampant.  We are not drones that do as they are told because they have no need to have personality, but we sure do get treated like it.

What will happen if I speak up? Not sure. 

Stress = Meeting

I recently was promoted at my job given a bit of insight what expected in the coming months and years. Since then I have been a bit more stressed and I'm not sure it's the work load, to the point of considering resigning from these new projects I was so excited to see get off the ground.

I'm grateful that I have a great relationship with my manager, so I often find myself venting and sharing my current feelings due to stress. This time she decided to go to bat and set up a meeting with the director and the person that seems to be the one stressing me out. It's tomorrow and I want out.

This other person is a manager over a sub-department of our office, but has IT experience and used to work in my area five months ago. I feel that their IT experience is out dated and not that beneficial to these projects. Also, they have been out of the DPR game for almost a full year due to other projects assigned  them.

So I'm having a hard time figuring out what their role is in all this and why it seems like I am really just the lab rat. Thus the meeting.

I don't want to cause tension or hurt feelings, but it's getting old being on a team with a teammate that doesn't want to even cheer you on or help you work on your swing.

Being a Girl

Dressing the part is expensively hard to do. I don't know how or where to start. Hair, make-up, clothes, shoes and accessories... I can only blame myself.

I hate clothes shopping. Rarely does anything fit, or it's extremely hideous and old lady. Being a member of the busty girl club has its perks, usually.

Since high school I choose the route of a tomboy, mostly because sports were more important to me than curling my hair or caring about the latest trends in what I dubbed as"girly." Also, it was/is easier. Plus, baggy t-shirts reduced the focus that my chest often draws.

I need help and maybe a sugar daddy. Ok, not the sugar daddy.

String Cheese and Babies

Like most of us in the working world, my time used of lunch is precious, especially on stressful days. Company is what makes lunch more than just 30 minutes of cold sandwiches and salads. I love my lunch buddies, and the conversations we have.

Today, while discussing being actively in the spotlight of our churches and work, we got on the subject of babies, particularly our future babies. Mostly the fears of my dear friend and co-worker.

She is obviously not mentally their to start her family, which I have a hard time relating to, but totally understand that not every single woman is all gun-ho to get sick, uncomfortable, stretched and put through extreme pain just to extend their family. But I was glad I was there, mostly to listen and discuss they whys.

I'm 29 years old, and pretty much ready, but I'm also on God time, not my own. If I had it my way, I would have been perfectly happy starting my family in my early twenties, but God knew I needed to mature before taking that leap. Doesn't mean I'm not scared. A baby changes more than just my body, but Jason and I's life. Do I stay home? Go back to work? Will we stay in Phoenix? If not, were will we settle and continue to grow our family? There are so many other questions that I could come up with, but I have to remember that I/We will handle them as they come.

I think the biggest fear that we mutually shared was if we would be good moms. What is a good mom? Really, how do you define that?