So I've been asked by a few people these past two weeks as to when I was planning a trip back to the LB? Well I wasn't planning on being home this Summer. Yes, I'm coming to California in two weeks or so, but that is for Family, and I won't even be in Long Beach. As much as I would like to come home, right now I can't fit in a time to do so. Plus, with the cost of things (the train to Victorville alone is 200 busk), I don't see it happening anytime soon. I'm gonna try to come out for Labor day, for the boys' birthdays...

And I'm bummed right now, cause Jason is still in Fresno. He went to Promise Keepers with Church, and told me that it ended at 1pm today, but he just called that they are barely to Bakersfield. "It ran until 4pm, so we won't be back until about 2am." It kinda makes me mad, but I can't do anything about it. I was hoping they go back early enough that he and I could actually hang out a bit, guess not. And I really could us the help with Gracie, his new Cattahoula puppy...
Work is going ok, minus the fact that this next week, I'm gonna have to find some way to keep busy to keep my hours. But then again I'm growing tried of working there, seeing the same people everyday, and hearing the same complaints over and over. I get it ZJ, you want to control everything, even how people think for themselves. I mean this last week I only worked 29 hours because I wanted to. I think I'm only going to strive for 32 max, that's four 8hour days a week. Sounds good to me right now.

We got a roommate! I'm so excited and a bit sad. I'm grateful that God handled the situation, and I hope she fits in just right with us, but I'm concerned with how my roommates are currently swindling her. The room is 550/month, plus utilities(add about an extra 70 bucks). I had to pay that last month, which I didn't see how it was fair after discussing it with Jason a bit. That's 200 more for just having your own bath and a slightly larger closet. Jen's response to me chipping in more to lower the rate of the Master was, "But that's like your own little place down there, you know? And what did you post the rent as?" That just made me mad a bit, was she thinking like that when I moved down there? Why can't we help someone out, even when we know we can afford an extra 25 bucks a month?

Work is starting to drag on me, and it's mostly the people here. Like I said, I feel as if I was dealt an unfair hand in this game, but I'm working. I'm finding it hard to stay busy at times, but this week the only days I will have down time are Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Yea, three of the five days I work this week. Yes, I'm probably going to wear myself out today and Thursday, but I'm trying to make it so that I have time to help Jason with his new puppy.

I just need to go home...

A lot has been going on especially lately. I just spent last week moving our office, even though our new office is still occupied by it's current residences. My hours weren't cut. YAY! I just have to make sure I don't go over 40 each week, even though I did last week, but I've been told it's cool.
I'm also feeling a bit better about not having to be outside on Grounds Crew, mostly because the people involved this Summer are slackers and kinda dumb. Not all of them, but I just would rather not be hanging out with them 8 hours a day. I've also taken on some extra hours, so that I'm more active at work.

Jason moved closer to church, which means he's farther from my house. But he likes it there, and is happy that the kitchen is bigger.

As Church goes, we only went to Sunday school since Jason had to work at 11am, but we were there long enough to plan a Young Adult bowling day on Saturday. I hope it's a go cause we couldn't last week because of some pro bowling tournament at the only bowling alley in Flagstaff. I haven't done the bulletin in two weeks, mostly because I quit asking for the information. Especially since I just cause people grief, stupid Penny. It felt so good not to have that on my plate for the few weeks that I haven't done it. It's always incomplete, lack of info from Pastor and the congregation, which just makes me look dumb, or at least I feel that way. I also feel like people don't like the new lay out, even though nothing has really changed. It opens the same way, I just have allowed to words to songs be on an insert rather than take up space on the first page. I haven't told the Pastor yet that I'm not interested in doing it anymore, plus I don't have access to the computer I was using.

I've moved again, but it's only up stairs. Since Janice bailed on us, and I've been the only one looking for a replacement, I decided to take my old room back and pay less. Well I'm going to pay at least 25 bucks more than the other rooms cause I don't think it's fair for someone to pay 200 bucks more than everyone else just because they have a bathroom and larger closet. I'll at least cut about 25 bucks more out of the rent for the Master. Jason thinks I should just move out all together since the other two don't really help with the upkeep of the house or care about looking for a roommate.

I'm suppose to be writing a paper, I haven't even started and it's due tonight....

Why am I angry?

Well I guess I won't be out in the sunshine this Summer. I'm currently helping with the changes and cleaning in my office, which is moving at the end of this month, then being a receptionist for the remainder of the Summer, with a slight pay raise. I really wish it was more, but can't really do anything about it until after July 1st.

I went to church today, and all I did was get angry. I've been working on a new bulletin for Greenlaw, since they have been using just MS Word to produce one. So I've been using InDesign at work, off hours, and designed what I think is a pretty good start, which has just caused me issues with the church and mostly my Pastor. He has told me that he would get me all the information for upcoming events for the next three months, plus all the info needed for each week. NOT! But I've dealt with it, not always in a good manner once discussing it with Jason, but I've done my best to please, but some of his choices are just impractical. Not every space needs filled, it's ok to leave so white areas, it's ok to not list everything such as Piano, the first verse of a song that is out of the Hymnal. I've been praying that God help me with this task, but I'm starting to feel like it's not one I should have taken on. I've already gotten negative reaction from one of the staff members, indirectly, which was not expected.

So I finished the bulletin, and emailed it to Pastor for any corrections before it went to print. Of course his email doesn't work, like aways, so we drop off a hard copy at the church. He calls Jason, why, I don't know. I've misspelled the Special Guests name, and a few words in the insert, ok, not the end of the world. So we fix it, and email it to him so he can get it printed at Kinko's (since the church copier doesn't like the gradation of the images). Of course he doesn't email me back, and doesn't call me to let me know he was unable to go get the copies done. So he calls Jason, Saturday a little after 2pm, and ask that we get it done. Jason got off at 5pm, we go to Kinko's, which apparently in Flagstaff, it closes at 1pm. Along with Staples and Office Max! The only other place I could think of to copy them off at is at work, so I begged my good friend to let me in to do so. 30 minutes later I got the bulletins done, all 130 of them. I didn't do the insert because he stated to Jason that he would get them done at church. So I folded all 130, and brought them to church this morning, and waited patiently for Pastor to show, so I can hand them off and go to Sunday School. While in class, he comes in, "do you have the insert?" I wanted to cry! "You don't have the master?" I emailed it to him to his WIFE's address like he asked, and stated that the insert could be done at church to save money. Jason and I walk into the sanctuary, and open up the bulletin. Two pieces of paper fall out, one of which is an old draft of the insert I made(with the errors), the other one he just did with more information he "forgot" to let me in on. So not only does he not pay attention, he wasted his time and money on an extra sheet that just makes the whole thing feel weird for some reason. Like it's chaos, not nicely organized. Jason told him that there was an updated one, which he stated he couldn't find...

I haven't talked to Ted or Fannie about taking on the position of Publicity Coordinator, mostly because of how the production of this bulletin has been so stressful. I think if I do take on this position, I can find support from the other staff members and less from Pastor. I also don't want to commit to everything that was stated in the position, mostly be cause I have little to no time once school starts up again. I just need to schedule a meeting with both Ted and Fannie this week, if possible.

I'm starting to not like going there. I feel as if the pastor is killing is own church off. He went to seminary at New Orleans, and emphasized in Methodology, which isn't helping us grow. Am I a bad Christian for feeling this way? Jason doesn't want to leave until he finishes FAITH and Experiencing God, which is fine, but I just can't handle this anymore.

Ever since we went to what I thought was Bible Study on Wednesday, and got annoyed at how Pastor uses a PA System for 10 people, and how it wasn't a bible study, it was just a repeat of Experiencing God, I wanted to leave after only being there for 20 minutes. What did I do after those twenty minutes, sat there while Pastor went over the prayer list, and asked if anyone new or wanted to pray for that person he was currently talking about, and then we would pray, only to go back in to conversation about someone else needing someone there to pray for them and praying again, for a FULL HOUR we did this! I'm sorry but that is really, REALLY, LAME! You have bible study to study the Word, and learn more about what God has in stored for you, not to spend only 15 minutes in it, then individually pray for each person for an hour, while you stand in front of a mic for 10 people that can hear you perfectly.

It seems really backwards to me, which I'm not even sure that is the correct term to use. I also don't like how for today's sermon, was a former Mormon talking about his testimony and nothing about GOD. That's fine, I like having people come in and talk, but when it's Worship, it needs to be Worship. Not a power point of how you grew up in a horrible family and got caught up in Mormonism (which you're going to explain again tonight at 5:30pm).

I feel like I need to say something, but I don't think Pastor cares for what comes out of my mouth. Maybe I'm not on his level, since he calls Jason in regards to the bulletin, rather than me. I really don't know what to do at this point, but try my best to get through it and hope God works through me to help, if I'm suppose to.

We'll I' m back, but once I get home, I get bad news. I knew that one of my roommates was already leaving this Summer since she graduated last week. And the plan was to find a new roommate... NOW the situation is that two are leaving, one of which is leaving tonight, after lying to me last week. I feel betrayed, but getting over that fairly easily. But now that puts me and Jamie in a tough spot. We both want to stay, and we both don't want to live with boys of couples, but need two roommates fairly soon... Please pray for me...

less than 48 hours

I leave tomorrow, but still have to fix my ticket(thanks Retah). I have one edition left, and looking back on what I did this semester, it had to be my worse for Printmaking. I mean I'll have eight editions, but out of all of them, I only see one being successful, and it was an accident. Yes, I procrastinated big time, by going to work to make money rather than work on my life's work. I feel kinda dumb, cause this was because of me, no one else, thus I'm not complaining about work, but about how I just wasn't focused. I'm really scared I will get a bad grade, but my prints look bad. I just want to burn them, and worry about the waste of money that was spent on supplies and time. Yes, I said time. I was told over two years ago that I should think about how much my work is, not to make a profit, but to evaluate MY cost. I'm also really scared cause of the fact that I won't be back from California until after my crit. Maybe I should ask for an Incomplete...

I am do to graduate, finally, this Fall. I still have to turn in papers, but I'll do that the week I'm back. But now I'm stressing about my work for next fall. There is two ways I want to go about my capstone, one I got all yes' on, but the other had mixed feelings from my peers. I think they both are equal work, but it's my show, and I want it to be more than just things on the wall, if they even go on the wall...

I met with my Pastor yesterday about the current bulletin I've created for Greenlaw, which I'm starting to realize how far they are behind everyone else. I'm not sure does the website, but it needs a big boost. He really likes hanging out with us young folk, ie Jason and I, I think it takes him back to when he was in college. He makes me want to learn more about being a Christian, though he's a bit pushy. May I will get my Theology Degree... Also, after talking to him, I may take the Publicity position, which he said he would help me out a lot with that, along with Jason. Pastor already does a lot of the stuff, so it would be like I just got dropped into it. I still have to let Ted know, since he's on the staffing committee or something like that. I hope it fits in my life, or should I say in what God has planned for me.

I realized this morning that I have a lot on my plate, and just keep piling on the sides. I'm going home, and for a week. Why a week? Cause the Service is on the fifth, the Viewing the day before, and my sister is due on the 12th. Also, because I have only one critique next week, which it will be the day after the funeral. So I'm staying until my sister pops, so that she has someone to watch the boys and not have to wait 2-6 hours for them to come. Yes, I was a back up, and boy would that have been crazy!

So because of my leaving, which it wouldn't be that much different if I stayed, just would have had two extra days, I have to get two portfolios done by Saturday. This includes all my jewelry piece, which are due this Thursday, since Joe does critique during Reading Week. Which I finished my last project yesterday in class. But now I have to print five editions! This includes a Relief block, my Intaglio, and three to four litho stones. No I have not been lazy this semester, just stuck on a lot of things. One of the current editions wasn't even what I wanted it to be, but had no more time to mess around with it... Oh well, I'll get it done.

Also, as of yesterday, I have committed to two things at church, and the pastor is pushing for more. We were suppose to meet about the bulletin I made last week, and he was suppose to make revisions, especially when it had a lot of guessing involved. But do to his current time flick, I was just handed information about the remaining bulletins for May. This is fine, and what I wanted to do, but I also realized as of yesterday as well, that I will not be here for the next two. Yes, I can get them done, just simple swap outs, but it lacks information. The pastor wants us to grow in the church, but it's more like he wants us to be the church. He asked us, Jason and I, to be on the Vision Team. Jason has only been a member since the start of May, and a Christian since February. As for myself, I've battled against myself for years when it came to my walk, and am finally getting to understand what He wants and is doing in my life, but I have barely moved my Letter over to Greenlaw(3 weeks). And to be on a "Committee" when the both of us are so young, at least to the reminder of church family, is a bit weird to me.