One and two and three....

Why do I feel so fat? I mean, I like my body, I really do, but I do realize that their is better. I'm not trying to say I need to loose 50 lbs, or change my diet completely. I like food a bit too much and find myself enjoying the greasier side of it. But I feel run down, out of energy, and weak. And for those of you that have been in my presence for quite some time, know that I hate being considered weak.

I have a very strong will and along with that I'm pretty stubborn, so I've been told. But physically I've been strong, I did pole vault in high school, but that was also many moons ago. I don't want to be a typical person and state that I wish I was the same weight as I was then. The only thing I wish about High School is that I was the same bust size instead of the size I am now. Only cause that's what people seem to pay attention to.

Anyway, I can remember when all I did was work out, at least 5 days a week with my coaches. I need to get back into that. For a moment I thought of registering for the International City 5k, which is in Long Beach during Veteran's Weekend, in which I would be home. But at last, I have done nothing, not even run a mile, and if I was to even try, I know that I would feel worse than I did after doing that half marathon in 2001.

So starting today, for real, I'm getting back on my abs and push-ups routine, and after Friday, I'm gonna start going to the gym early in the morning to do cardio and lifting. I'm kinda hoping to tone up for the wedding in March, cause my legs could use some work. But I'm really hoping to be more energized and healthy.

I've been feeling a bit lonely, or at least I felt that way last week. I got a bit of attention the other day, which helped, even though it was just for a moment, but I wouldn't trade it. I've been missing my Grandpa as well. I'm getting better about knowing he's not really gone, and that I'll see him soon, but it still hurts a bit. That man always made me feel important, and I never felt like I was a screw up, at least not to him and my Grandma. I know they saw my faults, but saw the more important things within me, and my success before I even got a glimpse of it. He was pretty amazing to be around, and just lit up a room with his presence. "this little light of mine" just popped into my head after writing that. He was a light for God, and it always shined and was so bright that everyone saw it.

I can't wait for this weekend. Homecoming is Saturday, which will only be enjoyed once the Slightly Stoopid Concert is over on Friday, but still will be enjoyed. BUT! Sunday, Jason and I might venture to University of New Mexico, Albuquerque to see Dethklok. Who's Dethklok? They are a fictional band, on Metalocalypse, a show featured on Adult Swim. They are playing for free at UNM, and it's only six hours and not on a school day. I know it's stupid, but Jason and I both have been wanting to get out of Flagstaff and do something exciting. Yes, bowling is exciting, especially when I fall while doing it, only once, but there is more to explore and experience. Let's hope that we don't get out there for nothing...