Well I got my answer, the hard way. I had a feeling, big time, that they were trying to avoid eye contact. I hate that people just can't be honest with me, especially when they say they care about me, even as a so called friend. Friends don't deceive one another, at least not the one's that are concerned for you almost on a daily basis. I mean, my friend Gabe called me everyday this week, to just check and see how things were going with work and home, even after he let me down last week. It was a bit annoying to get phone calls while in the middle of load-in and striking of stage and roof, but glad to know someone besides my parents were concerned for my well being. But to tell me one thing, and never get back to me, and having to find out from someone else what really happen, sucks balls. Maybe Arizona really isn't where I need to be. Maybe God is showing me that there really isn't much for me out here in the middle of nowhere, which would be a shame and a heart breaker. But you've broken it before, even though you promised to never do it again, and I was just trying to get to know you.

Ok that made me sound really bitter, and at the time I was pissed, and it was like 3am. But with a day of work and class I've cooled down and got my head on straight again. Or at least for now.

It's kinda nice to hear a song you've forgotten about and think about yourself in that position. I have lately been using iTunes to play the music on my computer, rather than Pandora. I have not listened to these songs in almost a year, and one has come on twice in the past 24 hours. It's called "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. The words hit me every time. What would I do when I finally meet God and Christ face to face? As of right now, I would be full of shame, cause of the sin for the past two years that I've allowed to consume me. Yes, I have realized that it is sin and doing better about make the right choices, but right now in my life I feel that I'm not even slightly close to His standards. In all honesty, I think I would cover my mouth and cry...